SAM LOCO EFE was interviewed by HINTS MAGAZINE, and bragged that despite his 65 years of age, he could still have sex three times a night. RITA DOMINIC, who was also a guest, looked intrigued. After the show, RITA said, "SAM, if I am not being too forward, I'd love to have sex with an older man. Let's go back to my place."

So they go back to her place and have great sex. Afterwards, SAM says, "If you think that was good, let me sleep for half an hour, and we can have even better sex. But while I'm sleeping, hold my balls in your left hand and my dick in your right hand." RITA looks a bit perplexed, but says, "Okay". He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have even better sex. Then SAM says, "RITA, that was wonderful. But if you let me sleep for an hour, we can have the best sex yet. But again, hold my balls in your left hand, and my Dick in your right hand." RITA is now used to the routine and complies. The results are mind blowing.

Once it's all over, and the cigarettes are lit, RITA asks "SAM, tell me, does my holding your balls in my left hand and your dick in my right stimulate you while you're sleeping?" SAM replies, "No, but the last time I slept with a slut from EDO STATE, she stole my wallet."
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Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.

OBASANJO,BABANGIDA AND ABACHA all died in a plane crash and went to meet their maker. The supreme GOD turned to OBJ and asked, tell me what is important about yourself.

OBJ responded that he felt that the the country was in a mess,so he set up EFCC to put things back in order.

God looked to OBJ and said, " I like the way you think, come and sit at my left hand". God then asked BABANGIDA what he revered most.

BABA responded that he felt people and their personal choices were most important,so he promoted 419 in the country and many people where happy.

God responded, " I like the way you think, come and sit at my right hand". God then turned to ABACHA, who was staring at him indignantly.

God asked "What is your problem ABACHA?"

ABACHA responded " I think you are sitting in my chair, iam surposed to be in the middle".
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But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at EINSTEIN, they laughed at JESUS, they laughed at the JOHN D BAPTIST. But they also laughed at OSUOFIA AND OSUAGWU

A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer.
"Can you tell me how much you charge?", said the client.

"Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $200 to answer three questions!"
"Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?"
"Yes it is", said the lawyer, "And what's your third question?

Keep it up man!

HERS

Pulls off at wrong exit.
Opens window.
Asks directions from a knowledgeable police officer.
Arrives at destination presently.

HIS:

Pulls off at wrong exit absolutely positive it's the correct one.
Drives five miles into wilderness, still thinks he's right.
Drives an extra 5 miles just in case.
Finally rolls down window just to get fresh air.
Pulls up to a 7 -11.
Gets three hot-dogs, a large slurpee, and beef jerky.
Asks person behind counter how to get back onto the highway.
Gets back into car.
Laughs at the idea of looking at a map as he pulls away from the 7-11.
Drives down a dirt road with no street lights insisting this is the way back because guy from 7-11 said it was.
Almost hits a deer.
Curses the night.
Curses you.
Curses the large slurpee.
Drives and fiddles with radio.
Yells at you for suggesting the map again.
Admits he didn't want to go to Thanksgiving at your sister's anyway.
He hates your sister.
Ever since she called him a pernicious weasel.
He had to look up pernicious.
Couldn't find a dictionary.
Finally found a dictionary.
Couldn't spell pernicious.
Seethes at the memory of it all.
But she is laughing inside,
And of course you're still lost.

Mr Right Application

Dear ________,

I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right.

As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available.

So that you may find better success in
your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition.

Check those that apply,

___Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.

___Your first name is objectionable. It's just not something I can picture myself yelling out in a fit of passion.

___The fact that our dining experiences to date has left MY wallet a little lighter, and YOUR pants a little tighter!

___You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me more than one about myself.

___Your constant e-mailing shows me you have TOO much time on your hands!

___Your legs are skinnier than mine.

___You're too short. Any son that we produced would inevitably be beaten up repeatedly at recess.

___You're too tall. I'm developing a chronic neck condition from trying to kiss you.

___I find your inability to fix my car
extraordinarily unappealing.

___The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.

___The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in conversation.

___You still live with your parents.

___Although I do enjoy the X-Files, I find your wardrobe of Star Trek uniforms a little disconcerting.

___Your frequent references to your ex-girlfriend lead me to suspect that you are some sort of psychotic stalker.

___Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I am seeking in a long-term partner.

___Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If you should however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, please resubmit your application.

___Somehow I doubt those condoms I found in your overnight bag were really necessary for a successful business trip.

___I am out of your league, set your sights lower next time.

Sincerely,

________

He said, I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.

She said, You wear briefs, don't you

He said, Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?

She said, Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money.

She said, What do you mean by coming home half drunk?

He said, It's not my fault, I ran out of money.

He said, Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way.

She said, Well, you succeeded.

He said, What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you

She said, Turn sideways and look in the mirror.

He said, Let's go out and have some fun tonight.

She said, Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.

He said, Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?

She said, I would, but you're never there.

He said, Shall we try a different position tonight?

She said, That's a good idea, you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.

1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.

2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.

3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.

4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.

5. Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.

6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.

7. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

9. Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest he is too old for it.

10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.

13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.

14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.

15. Sadly, all men are created equal.

16. If you think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach you're aiming too high.

17. Definition of a man with manners - he gets out of the bath to pee.

18. Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he is.

19. Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of five men - a woman.

20. Husbands are like children - they're fine if they're someone else's.

Professions
Three guys and a lady were sitting at the bar talking about their professions.

The first guy says " I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E, you know, Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist."

The second guy says "I'm a D.I.N.K, you know, Double Income, No Kids."

The third guy says, " I'm a R.U.B, you know, Rich, Urban, Biker."

They turn to the woman and ask her, " What are you? "

She replies: " I'm a WIFE, you know,
Wash, Iron, Bleep, Etc."

Hey bro!, you did it again, nice jokes indeed, just keep it coming.

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for
airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't
get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'

PETE EDOCHIE lived on a farm. He didn't get many visitors,
so I went to see him, when I got there, he was standing stiff as a board, out in the middle of the COW paddock. I yelled out to him, and asked what he was doing standing out there all still and straight. He replied that he was trying to win a Nobel Peace prize.
I said, "Well, that's great, but what are you doing in the paddock?"
He replied,
"I was reading the newspaper, and it said all you had to do to win the Nobel Peace prize was to be outstanding in your field."

Let the workers organize. Let the toilers assemble. Let their crystallized voice proclaim their injustices and demand their privileges. Let all thoughtful citizens sustain them, for the future of Labor is the future of middle earth.
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One day a father went to his three sons and told them that he would die soon and he needed to decide which one of them to give his property to. He decided to give them all a test. He said "Go to the market my sons and purchase something that is large enough to fill my bedroom, but small enough to fit in your pocket.From this I will decide who of you is the wisest and worthy enough to inherit my land." So they all went to the market and bought something that they thought would fill the room, yet was still small enough that they could fit into their pockets. Each son came back with a different item. The father told his sons to come into his bedroom one at a time and try to fill up his bedroom with whatever they had purchased. The first son came in and put some peices of cloth that he had bought and layed them end to end across the room, but it bearly covered any of the floor. Then the second son came in and layed some hay, that he had purchased, on the floor but there was only enough to cover half of the floor. The third son came in and showed his father what he had purchased and how it could fill the entire room yet still fit into his pocket. The father replied "You are truly the wisest of all and you shall recieve my property." What was it that the son had showed to his father?


Answer: The son had showed his father a match. Whenever he lit the match, it filled the entire room, yet it was still small enough to fit into his pocket.