The WAY we talk to our kids has a huge impact on their learning and ability to listen to us. We are constantly modeling to our kids how to act and behave and the way we talk to them fits right into this category. The way we speak to them and those around us is showing them how we want them to speak back to us. I have found that there are generally three different ways that parents communicate with their kids. The first one is in an aggressive way. These parents yell a lot, put their kids down and use attacking words. Their children respond in many different ways, mainly by playing up a lot more, feeling fearful, yelling back and ignoring their parents’ constant orders.
The second form of communication commonly seen is a passive form. These parents mutter soft, cautious words and tones to their kids finding that they run riot and
walk all over them. Unfortunately these parents are so passive that sometimes when they are pushed to their limits, they suddenly turn their communication into an aggressive tone. Lastly the third way that parents can communicate with their kids is in an assertive way. This is what I have found to be by far the most effective way to communicate with kids at all levels. An assertive way of communicating is firm, consistent, clear, positive, warm and confident. Communicating with kids in an assertive way is a real skill yet it shows your kids that mum and dad know what they’re going on about and to listen.

Here are my 20 top tips for improving the WAY we talk to our kids:

Use your child’s name. Your own name is music to your ears. Our kids are no different, plus it helps to get their attention before delivering your message. eg “George, please go and get……..”. Young children can often only concentrate on one thing at a time. Call your child’s name until you have their attention before you speak. Eg “Helen”. (Wait until she stops kicking the ball and looks at you.) “Lunch will be ready in ten minutes”.

Use positive language– try not to being saying “no” or “don’t” all of the time. There is no doubt that if we say “Don’t drop that glass” or “No running inside” or “Don’t drag your coat in the dirt” your child has that image and thought imbedded in their mind and more times than not, they will drop the glass!Instead, try to word what you want them to do. Eg “Only walking inside please” or “Hold onto that glass, it is a special one” or “Hold the coat up so it doesn’t drag”. This requires much thought and practice but is well worth the effort.Try to eliminate words you use that may be ridiculing (“You’re being a big baby.”), name-calling (“You’re a really bad boy.”), and shaming (“I was so ashamed of you today”). This type of language achieves very little except leaving your child feeling worthless. Kids will often cut off communication with those who use these words with them and begin to develop a poor self-concept. Positive and kind words give your child more confidence, makes them feel happier, helps them behave better, encourages them to try hard and achieve success. They learn to imitate you and deliver the same respect and praise to others. Examples of positive words are: “I like to way you remembered to pack up your toys”, “Thank you for helping me clean up this mess”, “You tried so hard to share your things with your sister, it made me feel really happy”.
Connect with your child with eye contact. You may need to get down to their level or sit at the table with them. When you are chatting with your kids, this shows them also what they should do. Not only is it good manners, it helps you to listen to each other.Say your child’s name until you get their eye contact, especially before giving them a direction. It is important that they give you their attention, and you should model the same behaviour for them.
Use volume appropriately – When in the classroom teaching, I used to have a class next door to me whose teacher always yelled. The kids used to put in their earplugs and eventually stopped listening at all. The teacher was always trying to yell over the noise of the kids, what a nightmare!The same applies for at home, don’t ever compete with a yelling child. When they have calmed down, then talk. If you use the volume of your voice appropriately for the majority of the time, raising your voice in an urgent situation should not be ignored. They will sit up and take notice because it doesn’t happen all of the time. Yelling orders or directions from another room may also fall on deaf ears after a while, for example yelling “Turn off the TV now please Chad” or “Hurry up and get dressed” from the kitchen gives the impression that you’re busy and not too serious. Walking into the room, joining in for a minute or two and waiting for the commercial break will go down with far more cooperation. You are modeling respectful behavior to start with and you have come to them with your direction, so they know you mean it!
Suggest options and alternatives – When you want your kids to cooperate with you, it is far easier if they can understand why they need them to do something and how it is to their advantage to do so. They need to see the importance of following your directions. For example, “When you get dressed, you may go outside with Daddy”, “Which jumper would you like to put on, the red one or the blue one?”, “When you do your homework, you can then watch tv”, “Which book would you like to read, this one or that one?” “When you are dressed for school, you may then play with your toys”. By adopting words like “when” and “which” makes the child feel as though they have choices, even though there is no room for negotiation. This works far better than using “if” words. Also, try to include your child in helping you solve a problem. For example, instead of saying “Don’t leave your toy trucks out there”, try saying “George, think about where you should store your toy trucks so they’re in a safe place, come and tell me when you’ve decided on a good spot.” Try to offer alternatives rather than saying a straight out “no” or “don’t”. For example “You can’t get the paints out just now, but you could draw with the crayons instead”.
Keep it simple– Young kids have trouble following too many directions given at once. We can probably relate to that when we ask someone for directions to a destination and are bombarded with instructions we later forget. Try to stagger your requests into small blocks. Eg instead of saying, “Helen, go and pack up your toys, but first put your dirty shoes outside and then feed the cat”. Chances are, Helen will feed the cat then go outside to play because feeding the cat is the last thing she remembers you asking. Even though we want to improve our communication with our kids, be preceptive to their level of interest in the conversation. If they are getting the blank stare, call it quits. If you feel as though you’re waffling on, try to use a more direct approach next time you visit the subject.
Keep away from nagging – At the end of each school day, I wanted the children in my class to tidy the room before home time. I felt that they should learn to tidy up after themselves and take pride in their room. I knew that if....continue here http://voiceofoluwaseun..com.ng/2016/02/20-ways-to-talk-so-your-kids-will-listen.html