By: Muyiwa Afolabi


According to the dictionary, Happiness is that feeling that comes over you when you know life is good and you can't help but smile. It's the opposite of sadness. Happiness is a sense of well-being, joy, or contentment. When people are successful, or safe, or rewarded, or loved, they feel happiness.

There are some very powerful key words in this definition. The words literality suggests the why, when and how of happiness.

First, it says happiness is a feeling, secondly it is based on a knowing that life is good, thirdly, it is a sense; meaning it's about what you see, what you hear, what you feel – about your senses – a sense of wellbeing, joy and contentment.

What I like about this definition is that it did not say happiness is the absence of pain, disappointment, setbacks, failure or deprivation. It is based on the knowing that whatever happens in this world, life is good. It's about how you see and interpret life. It's based on your own interpretation of circumstances and situations.

It's about what you chose to see, what you choose to hear, your interpretation and judgement and of course contentment.

Okay, let's bring this home. As a mind-set coach and social reformer, I have a passion for humanity. I'm a lover and a believer in mankind. I see possibilities and greatness in every person. No matter who you are, what you're going through where you've been and all your disadvantages, I see the good and the glory you still have buried within you. I see you manifesting great glory one day.

My love for humanity has hence driven me into all kinds of research and study into human behaviour; why we think the way we do and why we act the way we do.

I observe, I listen and I learn, this way, I understand people better. Let me share some true life experiences of different people I've interacted with; how they take matters of life; how they interpret their situations and how it's made them feel on the basis of happiness.

You see, what you chose to see and how your mind decides to interpret what you see determines your emotional disposition towards it. Happiness is primarily a function of interpretation. How you chose to see and interpret and judge any matter will determine if it would evoke happiness or other emotions.

Let me tell you this, I often come across many students at the university; very good universities from around the world who keep complaining about how demanding school is, the excess work load and how they hate to go for classes during winter. Some get so frustrated and depressed they even cry. I have a god daughter schooling in a very good university in the US who is so frustrated and unhappy especially about racial discrimination issues and the likes. She can't wait to get out. She is unhappy. And back home in Nigeria, I have some young people too who after many years of writing jamb eventually secured admission into a state polytechnic and are extremely happy and joyful. Giving thanks and sharing the good news. They are happy just to be in school at last. Happiness is about interpretation and contentment.

Recently, one of my mentees was complaining bitterly, she didn't like it that her boyfriend got her a seventy thousand naira phone on her birthday. It wasn't the quality and brand she wanted. It was too cheap and too common in her opinion. Her other friends who have boyfriends not as rich got better and more expensive phones from their guys. In her opinion, the phone was an embarrassment. That same evening, my wife bought a 14,000 naira phone for a distant relative who had come visiting. This girl was extremely happy and wouldn't stop dancing. She was too happy. These two ladies are about the same age. Happiness is about interpretation and contentment.

Also quite recently at my kids' school, I ran into an old friend who came to pick her three kids from school. She was very upset and unhappy. The school runs was a distraction and too much work for her. She didn't have a maid at that time and the whole stress of waking up early to get her three kids ready for school; bathing them, feeding them, their homework and generally attending to her three active children was overwhelming. She wasn't happy at all about the situation, as she lamented and was asking if I could get her links to where she would find a good nanny, she was close to tears. She wasn't happy at all.

The Sunday of that week at my mentoring class, a woman who had been married for 7 years without kids came to me after the meeting with so much joy and excitement, we had been praying together along this desire and at last she had taken in. She was so happy and excited about the possibility of having her own kids and nursing them herself. Of course she wouldn't mind having three even without any nanny or help from anyone. Happiness is about interpretation, gratitude and contentment.

I've had to counsel a very angry and unhappy woman who was so mad at her husband simply because he refused to pay for their vacation last year. He said he had other priorities and the future of the economy was so uncertain he wouldn't pay for any vacation. Oh my, this woman was so sad and upset. All their friends travelled, they were the only ones who didn't go. She was not speaking to her husband on that account and the husband came to ask that I speak with her before he teaches her a lesson. Around the same time, another woman in my mentoring class whom I've been praying with and counselling on the issue of her marriage and husband came to share some good news with me. Her husband for three months had stopped drinking and sleeping around with various women. This woman was so elated and happy about this change in her husband. Meanwhile her husband has no employment and didn't generate any income; she was the bread winner and still is. She paid the rent, bought the cars, buys his clothes and pays all his bills. She pays all the bills in that home, he does nothing. However, she's just happy he has stopped drinking and womanising and he wouldn't hit her when drunk like he used to. Him, pay money for vacation? How? Where? Hmmm. Happiness is about gratitude and contentment.

I hear many parents complain about their children who are average in their academic performance and these parents are so unhappy. And there are some parents just like them who are glad that their special kid, in a special class can at last spell his name and the name of his school correctly at age 11 after spending so much in cash and time. The boy coordinates his words and thoughts better now and they are so happy. Happiness is about appreciation and gratitude.

I hear some car owners complaining about fuel scarcity and long queues at filling stations and they are so unhappy. And I see people just like them some even older, celebrating and grateful and very happy that at last the state government has soft pedalled on their ban on commercial motor bikes. Happiness is about gratitude and appreciation.

Dear friend, how do you see life? How are you currently interpreting your situation and circumstances? You hate your boss, you hate your job, would you rather be home without the employment? Business is bad, business is slow and you're depressed, would you rather not have one? Don't you know with patience and endurance comes strength of character and capacity to manage greater responsibilities?

Every pain has its purpose so don't let it make you unhappy, let it get you inspired.

Let the challenges in your marriage grow and mature you, not drain and destroy you. It's all about your attitude to the lessons in the challenges.

Dear friend, are you happy or unhappy about your life and your situation? Yes, I know at times things can get really rough and tough and painful, but you can chose to look at the bright side and choose gratitude instead of anger and bitterness. Chose to see the good side of everything, chose to make excuses for people, see the light at the end of every tunnel, be contented and patient. Whatever is yours will eventually come to you no matter the delay if you don't give up. And whatever belongs to you can never be lost no matter the storm. Come on dear friend, be happy!

Ladies and gentlemen I invite you to join me at my coaching class this Sunday at 5 pm as I teach deeply on the subject of finding your purpose. Why do you exist? If you don't know why and don't know your purpose you're probably running a race that is not meant for you and at the end of your irreversible life, it would be regret and frustration. Your unhappiness could probably be because you don't know your purpose and you're not in your god ordained place in this world. Join others this Sunday at 5 pm as I begin to teach on finding your purpose. Venue is, The Events centre, 1b Hakeem Balogun Street off Cadbury's Lateef Jakande road, Alausa, Ikeja Lagos.

Participation is free of charge. For details on participation simply call 0706 349 6599.