While others were waving their hands, chanting in melody of the music, I was at the back gnashing my teeth in grief. While others were jumping in joy, I was mourning in sorrow. While others were beholding His glory, I could not see past the veil on my face. While they supped on the same table with Him, I ate from the crumbs falling off. What is happening to me? Unable to hold on anymore, I decided to leave.

The exit is big but old and cranky door. I could see the finger-marks of the last man that used it. The marks were still fresh. Who knows how many have left through this door? Did they come back? I wondered in perplexity. The story goes that it is easy to leave, but almost impossible to come back. Far more easy to come in through the entrance once than to re-enter the second time.

Shaking off these torturing thoughts, I grabbed the door. My heart beat hard against my ribs. A creak, then comes this thunderous shouting of joy. I quickly retracted my hands from the door, thinking I was the cause of the shout. Looking back, I noticed that a young lady just came in through the entrance door, smiling. I shook my head and sighed. Such was the hilarious shout of joy when I first joined the family. Then I enjoyed everything – the worship, the fellowship, the praises, everything. But now, I cannot tell what had happened. Where was the passion, the zeal, the enthusiasm? The waves of life have hit me so hard that I have lost interest. I have also lost the faith, neither is there any hope in me anymore.

Ashamed of remembering, I grabbed the door-knob and yanked the door open with the last strength I could muster. The chilly cold outside hit me with full force. Everything became still. The shouts were no more, no more songs of praise, no more voices. There was this silence all around me. My ears became dead to everything happening inside.

A tap on my shoulder and I cringed and looked back.

“Why do you want to leave?”

His countenance was full of concern and care as He asked. I had thought nobody cared about me anymore.

“I am tired of continuing." I explained respectfully.

He looked at me with pity. “It’s very cold outside.” He warned in a soft voice. “If you leave, you may not make it back. This is where you belong. Everything you need is here. Don’t allow your challenges to weigh you down. You are nearer to the promise than you were yesterday. Please come back. Stay with us. We love you. You have gone far in this journey. The Lord has your reward ready. Just little patience and you will behold what He has in stock for you.”

Those words melted me. So, I am still loved the way I am? A backslider like me? A church-goer sinner like me? I could not believe it. I released the door. It swung back, closing in my face. Still inside, facing the old door, the cold gone, I broke down and fell on my knees.

While I sobbed uncontrollably, I asked the King of kings, my Lord Jesus, to forgive me all my sins and restore my first love for Him.

Revelation 2:4,5

Source: www.blog.floatingingrace.com