Good afternoon all. I got married last year June to my lover of 3years . I am currently pursuing my second degree program and my husband has been most helpful, encouraging and supportive.
I am the first child in a family of 7.ever since I got married,my mum has been wanting to know what is happening in my home. she expects me to tell her everything that happens in my home. She calls every day, sometimes as early as 6am when I will still be in bed with my husband. my husband doesn't complain, but I know he is not happy about it.
Recently, she called to tell me that ever since I got married that I have stopped buying things for my siblings which is not true because sometimes I send credit to them and that is all I can do for now. My mum tried to push the blame to my husband and I told her to keep my husband out of the matter,she got angry and cut the call, then she later sent me a text saying "thank God am not her only child and that I should marry my husband very well" meanwhile my husband bought her a very expensive Samsung phone in December and he constantly recharges it for her.
One week after she said that stuff, I fainted due to exam stress( meanwhile am heavily pregnant and almost due). my husband called to intimate her about it, but since then she has not called to know how am doing.
Mum has once asked me how much my husband earns and I told her I don't know. by the way money is not her problem because she has chains of business. she expects me to tell her everything that happens in my home, but I can't discuss my family, assuming she discussed hers, she wouldn't have built a stable successful home with dad. I have discussed with her and dad about this, but she still won't stop. she always insults me at will, she is used to blackmailing someone emotionally, then plays the victim.
So my fellow nairalanders, how can I get to stop her excesses and emotional blackmailing nature? am so tired of her, she stresses me mentally

You need to make her understand it is time to let go, but talk to her in a religious way by quoting the bible to her and be diplomatic about it

Igbo mothers and the classic blackmail, Give her some tough love, She'll get used to it.

your mum go like gossip die. try as much as possible not to discuss your everyday happenings in your family with your mum. if you do,you are one step to ruining your marriage because she will keep intruding and trying to advice you to do stuffs you may not like. I will advice you to give her the cold shoulder. yes give her silent treatment,then one day she will come back to her sense.

pinkiberry:
your mum go like gossip die. try as much as possible not to discuss your everyday happenings in the your family with your mum. if you do,you are one step to ruining your marriage because she will keep intruding and trying to advice you to do stuffs you may not like. I will advice you to give her the cold shoulder. yes give her silent treatment,then one day she will come back to her sense.

that's what am doing now. she's not calling, and am not calling too. I pray it works

Blank her. It will work. Even if it takes up until the baby is born, blank her (no calls, nothing). All the conversations and gentle pleadings in the world will not work and if you don't stop it now, it will just get worse. She has 6 other kids, let her to and micro-manage them. If you were me, I'd have "accidentally" forwarded her text to Dad and maybe some aunts, to shame her a bit into being careful never to send anything without considering how her words will land.

Onegai:
Blank her. It will work. Even if it takes up until the baby is born, blank her (no calls, nothing). All the conversations and gentle pleadings in the world will not work and if you don't stop it now, it will just get worse. She has 6 other kids, let her to and micro-manage them. If you were me, I'd have "accidentally" forwarded her text to Dad and maybe some aunts, to shame her a bit into being careful never to send anything without considering how her words will land.

she knows how to cause depression for someone. told dad about the text.. am not with them na, so dad will always go with her wordings.i won't even try to call her as am stressed from pregnancy already.

joychioma19:
she knows how to cause depression for someone. told dad about the text.. am not with them na, so dad will always go with her wordings.i won't even try to call her as am stressed from pregnancy already.

My mum is a lot like yours. But she had her checks and balanced because none of her kids are calm and quiet. Just now, she came to heckle me about something for my baby and I gave it back at her. That's why I told you to forward the text to her husband (your dad, at least he can see her words). She wants you to listen to her every word and be in charge of you and only take decisions she approves. Listen to her advice but be clear that you will only take it IF you feel it will work for you, not because she said it. This is not about "honouring your parents blah blah", some people are bossy or overprotective to a fault. Be a hippo, let her words flow off your back like water, don't get depressed.

OP you need to be assertive and it might take a few confrontations which she will try to change to 'you are carrying your husband on your head' but believe me with time it will sink in.

Just create certain boundaries and with time she will adjust. You will be firm, not apologetic but not rude. My mum really hates when I am like that but at the end na she dey apologise cos she knows I am not falling for it( I used to it in the past ) but I guess age bestows a certain ' 'I am my own person' grace on you. Me tell my mother no , not happening but now I wanna tell her no die

One thing I will like to ask though is not to make it a topic of discussion with your husband. It takes wisdom but you have to create those boundaries without getting him involved because if he does, He will get all the blame for it.

Good luck Naija mums and emotional blackmail Sometimes they don't mean harm but its left to you to decide how you will react to it.

I am really hoping and trying to curb myself so I don't do the same to my kids I think I wont sha cos I don dey mentally prepare myself from now.

damiso:
OP you need to be assertive and it might take a few confrontations which she will try to change to 'you are carrying your husband on your head' but believe me with time it will sink in.

Just create certain boundaries and with time she will adjust. You will be firm, not apologetic but not rude. My mum really hates when I am like that but at the end na she dey apologise cos she knows I am not falling for it( I used to it in the past ) but I guess age bestows a certain ' 'I am my own person' grace on you. Me tell my mother no , not happening but now I wanna tell her no die

One thing I will like to ask though is not to make it a topic of discussion with your husband. It takes wisdom but you have to create those boundaries without getting him involved because if he does, He will get all the blame for it.

Good luck Naija mums and emotional blackmail Sometimes they don't mean harm but its left to you to decide how you will react to it.

I am really hoping and trying to curb myself so I don't do the same to my kids I think I wont sha cos I don deyb mentally prepare myself from now.

thanks dear, I will change it for her

I'm glad you're wise enough to protect ur family from your mum's intrusion.
Leave her and let her be, she will soon come to that understanding that you can't be manoeuvred against ur family.
Just ensure you keep updating ur dad and other matured family members about her oti-ose demands.