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This Little Girl Got Married In Northern Nigeria (Unconfirmed) / Missing Little Girl In Cocain Village Port Harcourt / My Wife Lied About Her Age, What Should I Do? (2) (3) (4)
Re: . by Yankelaptops: 4:44pm On Apr 25, 2016 |
Can you find a fellow Nigerian that currently have a live in nanny. I did that too and it was perfect for me because the lady had nanny video monitor and her nanny was aware. All she did was to asked her nanny if she was willing to take care of one more child and she agreed. I was only paying 33% of daycare center cost and it was a win win situation for us all. 3 Likes |
Re: . by InformedLola(f): 9:31pm On Apr 25, 2016 |
diportivo: Don't mind him; he's waiting for us to tell him what to do first. People these days will even come online and ask 'my house is on fire what do I do?' |
Re: . by Nobody: 9:51pm On Apr 25, 2016 |
metalgear: Both your deductions are wrong. And I have lived worked and studied abroad so I know how it is. All the work schedules in the world won't mean anything if your children's well being is in danger especially if they are vulnerable to sexual abuse. I repeat reset your priorities. 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: . by armyofone(m): 10:45pm On Apr 25, 2016 |
Metal gear, Put your kids in a reputable daycare 6am -6pm and give your self peace of mind. What are you doing hiring someone to watch your children at home ? By the way, did you even install a camera in their home, no ? Jisos onye ebere!! What classes are you guys both doing at night ? There are options all around you. Transfer to another school if the current one is not flexible enough. One person focusing on school and work while the other person just work or school alone. A person who chases everything might not catch anything. You are chasing work, school and family. ...sigh 4 Likes |
Re: . by Nobody: 10:58pm On Apr 25, 2016 |
bottom line is, no one can care for your kid as well as you, and nobody should, otherwise you become replaceable in the lives of your kids. I know how tough situations can be juggling work and school, but I think with better planning, you and your wife can agree on a solution that doesn't have to involve outsiders or paid child minders. let me paraphrase idris Elba in the movie "daddy's little girls": "sometimes, parents have to give up their dreams so their kids can have one". all the best. 1 Like |
Re: . by Nobody: 11:19pm On Apr 25, 2016 |
InformedLola: I asked for advice, no criticism, so if you have nothing to say, please zip it, take a bow and leave. No one forced you to comment. armyofone: You talk as if you think it can easily be done. Why should I install a camera in another person's home? You know that is invasion of privacy and it's a serious offence here. You can't just go doing that. Most graduate classes in the US are held in the evenings. It's to make room for people who go to work during the day. Getting a better education is very important. The higher your education is, the better options you have at getting better paying jobs. And where we live, rent and bills are quite substantial. A person with a university degree has a better option at earning better pay with a better job than someone with a high school diploma. Like I said in an earlier post, it's just unfortunate some of our classes fall on the same day. As international students, you can't just drop classes anyhow or else you go out of status. i'm sure many international students in the US here can attest to that. Our chances of getting things here are seriously restricted. Even funding too is tight, so we virtually have to pay out of pocket for almost everything. That's why working is very important. Ioannes: I understand your points and thank you for the mature response. No one can take care of our kids like we want to except for us. 1 Like |
Re: . by armyofone(m): 12:58am On Apr 26, 2016 |
Metalgear And the point is....ummmm since you can't install camera there and they don't have one, don't take your kids there. As an international student, why didn't you leave the kids in Nigeria with your parents since it is temporary? My college has child care for staff and students so see if yours has one. You don't want someone to be shooking hands inside your little girl...so set your priorities straight. Your child is already showing you sign that something is not right. 2 Likes |
Re: . by Jennifer89(f): 2:41am On Apr 26, 2016 |
your daughter is displaying inappropriate behaviour and you are yet to decide on what to do? please, don't drop your kids there again. it seems they watch pornographic film or physically have se.x right in front of them. Something bad is going on there. your child is acting what she sees. just be careful, don't allow someone mess up your kids phychology. 1 Like |
Re: . by iomoge2(f): 3:17am On Apr 26, 2016 |
metalgear: one person should be willing to sacrifice. One person should be back home after work. Then th kids would be through with school for the day. School never runs away. Even if u become a grand parent, u can still school. If anything happens to your girl, u two won't forgive your selves. Both of u cant b in a competition to work n school at d same time. Weigh d option n see who it won't affect much if the person stops now. However I will suggest wifey, while u continue schooling, then she starts when u finish. Suggesting wifey cause she is d one seeing this things n can easily stop all dis before it goes out of hand. Wats d need for all d money n certificate when d immediate family is in chaos. Am speaking from experience. I pray it won't be long before u two come to a conclusion on wat to do. 8am to 9pm is for..king too much to leave a child without parental care. 2 Likes |
Re: . by Nobody: 8:08am On Apr 26, 2016 |
metalgear: I get you and sorry for the loss of your MIL However its NOT mandatory that you have to put all sticks in the fire at the same time You dont both have to HIT IT this year or even next year You have plenty of time to get that dream job So long as you have the essentials; a roof over your head and food to eat, then the luxury lifestyle can wait until the family is more settled. As you are the one with the 3 years to go then you can postpone your doctorate until a time that your wife finishes her school I dont want you both living a life of regret You already have your hands full with trying to keep children on the straight and narrow in such a fast paced society without having to look over your shoulder to check that your child isnt being exposed to sexual activity Besides you cant function well at work or at school anway if you are worrying about your kids Thats why my boss always sends people whose kids are unwell home because he knows that you mind wont be focussed. Most of us advising you live abroad, so know exactly how it works. It sometimes takes years to be in the place that you want to be, but you do get there in the end. What people are advising you is not to pick up casualties along the way, because God forbid if you do, that successes wont be as sweet as you think it will be Trust me, money isnt everything. Everyone struggles with young kids & finance but I promise you, it does get better. Please do have a rethink Your kids are your most priceless asset. You wont park your unlocked Mercedes Benz in a rough area. 6 Likes |
Re: . by Nobody: 8:19am On Apr 26, 2016 |
damiso: There is a lady teacher in my church She is the most stressed person I have ever met Most Sundays she is not at church She is preparing for the next day Teaching is one of the most stressful and demanding jobs I have known of I know a teacher who gave up a senior teacher role to become a bus driver Its Nigerian teachers that don't do any work according to what one reads here Even the school holidays are not that attractive Imagine not being able to take a day off during term time for anything. 4 Likes |
Re: . by Onegai(f): 9:13am On Apr 26, 2016 |
damiso: Nigerian teachers are not motivated. Nigerian workers in general are not motivated. Our society is apathetic. It annoys me when they tell married women "go and teach or start a school", what was once a wonderful discipline has now become somewhere to dump bored housewives. Teachers are too busy being worried about the basics of living to care about imparting anything meaningful to their students. The first thing Daycares do is to suscribe for DSTV or buy Barney cds, so as to have something to shut the kids up with. Metalgear, most of us have lived in the U.S. please think about this carefully: do you want your child to be left to the whims of cheap childcare in a society which is set up to fail Black Americans? It's a risk that if you're willing to take, sure (and pray nothing happens. Though your 3 year old is attempting to kiss her sibling, most likely she's been exposed to weird stuff). You should take time off, let wifey finish her course and then you continue. Or send kids back to grandparents in Nigeria and pray that they are on top of the situation. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: . by damiso(f): 9:50am On Apr 26, 2016 |
tearoses: Its not easy sis but one thing I console myself with is that its just a phase. There are different phases in bringing up a child, this morning hubby had to leave home early and so I had to get the kids ready all by myself. I bathed my daughter and sent her to her room to wait for me while I bathed her brother. By the time I finished bathing her brother she had almost finished dressing herself, she had helped me bring out her brothers book bag. I was toasting the bread, she was buttering it.I left them eating breakfast and went upstairs to do my make up they finished eating and cleared the table themselves and even cleaned the milk spills on the table. A routine that would have taken me an extra 30 minutes 3 years ago is much faster now cos they are getting older and more independent.3 years ago who born me to be doing make up on days like this. So its all a phase and at each phase one has to be flexible and look at how to make things work while still not necessarily giving up one's dreams. It might mean deferring or postponing some things but the decision to have kids means sometimes making sacrifices for a period. The childrens welfare should always be a paramount factor in all decsions that the family takes.Things we can afford now were not things that we could afford those times I was not working but you know what we managed and thinking about it sef I was able to learn a lot of ways to save money that is even helping us that now that we have an increased income. I think there is really not much left to say as its really left to the OP to decide what will work for him and his family. 2 Likes |
Re: . by damiso(f): 10:05am On Apr 26, 2016 |
Onegai: Its really disheartening. It really annoys me the way teaching is seen as a 'last' or 'fall back' option. A teacher has the very noble and difficult job of inspiring the next generation. I remember my fondest academic learning memories are those where I had a teacher who is really passionate about what they taught and that also caught on to me. I had an A1 in Government because my government teacher really inspired us and our government lessons were as advanced as some political science classes in some universities. That teacher ( coupled with the fact that I grew up in a very politically aware family) really ignited my love for politics till date. I think we need to go down the regulatory body/ certificate/ pin number route like the QTS ( qualified teacher status) or RN ( registered nurses) in Nigeria. That way when you know how much you have to do before getting that teacher status, it wont be seen as a 'last resort'. It starts in University sef the inferiority complex because people studying for B.ed are treated as less than the counterparts studying the plain course. Jamb cut off scores are lower when those studying B.ed actually take more modules. I never got the rationale behind it. Make Bsc Maths and B ed Maths the same cut off so those people who are admitted for B.ed are actually interested in teaching. 3 Likes |
Re: . by lanicky(f): 10:10am On Apr 26, 2016 |
People have done it and their kids tuned it right. You can do it. It is good you pick on things fast. I suggest you listen to people with practical experience. metalgear: 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: . by blackmann(m): 12:37pm On Apr 26, 2016 |
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Re: . by Akkord4gov: 1:16pm On Apr 26, 2016 |
pinkiberry: |
Re: . by Nobody: 1:49pm On Apr 26, 2016 |
Sending them home was the initial plan. Infact she had gone home with my parents for a few months. She had to come back for a doctor's appointment. At the same time my two sisters in law had babies within days of each other. So grandma had to split. Thanks all for the advice. |
Re: . by InformedLola(f): 3:26pm On Apr 26, 2016 |
metalgear: Mr. you are in a situation where you need to act fast to correct what could easily become a developmental flaw, I don't see what you need advise for. We need to squash this overt social media dependence. |
Re: . by thorpido(m): 3:56pm On Apr 26, 2016 |
You just have to make out time for your kids especially at their developmental stage.You and your wife decided to put all your sticks in the fire at the same time but it can't always work that way. It's good to build a career but family is also very important. The options that are most available to you now are either to pay a trained certified child minder or you cut your work/school schedule. 1 Like |
Re: . by Nobody: 4:11pm On Apr 26, 2016 |
InformedLola: We've figured out what we're going to do. First we had a talk with the nanny and mother of the other kids yesterday and they agreed to keep a better eye on them. Second, we've decided to look for another sitter for now as it seems the old lady is overwhelmed. Maybe get someone from home. |
Re: . by Nobody: 4:20pm On Apr 26, 2016 |
thorpido: There's something most people here are misquoting me on. I never said we don't spend time with the kids. My wife and I don't go to work on Fridays and we are mostly indoors during the weekends with them. I close from work at 1pm on Thursdays and I immediately go pick them up. It's only the days we have classes at the same time that we pick them up late. My wife does her studying mostly in school (she works on-campus) and I read on weekends. So weekends she's at home with them if I decide to come to school to study. It's not as if we just decided to dump our kids with someone else while we run after education. We're not irresponsible parents. We know our kids need our attention. It's just those few days during the week that seem tight. |
Re: . by thorpido(m): 4:32pm On Apr 26, 2016 |
metalgear:I actually didn't misunderstand you neither do I see you as irresponsible. You both decided to pursue post-graduate studies while raising families.What we're saying is that it's a bit too much.It would have been okay if you had a trusted child minder at home or you were keeping your kids in a certified day care center. |
Re: . by Nobody: 4:49pm On Apr 26, 2016 |
thorpido: In that case I'll look into the certified day care center if i can't find anyone else. Thanks. |
Re: . by ify84(m): 5:11pm On Apr 26, 2016 |
One of you should resign.... Open a shop... And train ur children... |
Re: . by diportivo: 8:34pm On Apr 26, 2016 |
4 Likes |
Re: . by Mayflowa(m): 9:10pm On Apr 26, 2016 |
britiko: Almost every near puberty kids with Internet google sex.com. Sadly that it's a porn site! |
Re: . by britiko: 9:23pm On Apr 26, 2016 |
Mayflowa: What's the correlation to my post? 2 Likes |
Re: . by Mayflowa(m): 10:03pm On Apr 26, 2016 |
britiko: Because you mentioned tablet? Don't they have Internet? |
Re: . by britiko: 10:09pm On Apr 26, 2016 |
Mayflowa: Sir,I believe you read the part of my post on parental control on the Samsung tab. Apart from that some of this apps allow u to download and use in offline mode such as preschool. Then this is a toddler we r also discussing not a teen of puberty age. |
Re: . by Mayflowa(m): 12:00am On Apr 27, 2016 |
britiko: I get you now. So as a way of learning, how should we manage inquisitive teens around household Internet phones and computers? 1 Like |
Re: . by Nobody: 12:06am On Apr 27, 2016 |
Are there no child care centrrs in your wife's school? |
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