@N145 per litter.... Hunnmmm !

Dear Friends & Relatives,

Following the recent adjustment in fuel price, I have restructured proposals for the year 2016 & beyond, which means cutting my wears according to the available material.

Kindly read through this & note how it affects our relationship.

1. Visits to houses or offices outside 3 kilometre radius have been classified as long distance & would be embarked upon once in a year.

2. Visiting your house or office on agreed appointment & meeting your absence is a crime & will only be forgiven upon receipt of 50 litres of fuel.

3. Visits to hometown/village have been classified a luxury & thus would be embarked upon once in 4 years.

4. In the unlikely event that you need to seriously see me, please I am always on facebook & whatsapp. That is a better and cheaper alternative.

5. Weddings, burials & naming ceremonies outside the mainland are not to be attended at all. Presents will be sent by courier as appropriate.

6. For weddings with reception venues more than a walking distance from the church, I will attend only the church event to avoid being held up in traffic and wastage of fuel.

7. Please family meetings & all sorts of gatherings are prohibited henceforth. All such can be done through Skype & conference calls. Kindly learn how these facilities work and use them.

8. Do not call me at any hour of the day or night to take you to an hospital as I am not a taxi driver or a doctor. Arrange for alternative means so as not to feel disappointed.

9. If you are visiting, please come with your hand fans & your phone batteries charged as the generator is only to be used at my pleasure when I deem appreciate.

10. Invitations for events outside Lagos State are prohibited henceforth, except of course if you are providing my means of transportation to & fro.

11. Bicycles, Donkeys and Camels are alternative means of transportation. Please check your economics textbook. Do not ask me why I am not using them.

Thank you all for your continued cooperation.

Asiko yio o o, igba yi o o, aa tuwa lara o o o!!