1. Any man who successfully
convinces a monkey that honey is
sweeter than banana, is capable of
selling condoms to a Roman father.

2. Dear ladies, If your boyfriend
didn't wish you a happy mother's
day or sing sweet mother for you,
you should stop breastfeeding him.

3. He who swallows a complete
coconut have absolute trust in his
anus.

4. Dear sisters, don't be deceived by a man who text you "I miss you" only when it's raining, because you are not an umbrella.

5. Swimming pool is more useful
than Liverpool.

6. If over 15 guys have sucked your breasts, you don't need to call those things "your breasts", It's called COW BELL, OUR MILK! - Repeat after me, OUR MILK!

7. It's hard to bewitch African girls
these days. Every time you take a
piece from her hair to the witch
doctor, either a Brazilian innocent
woman gets mad or a factory in
China catches fire.

8. All I hear always is, 'No sex before marriage?' If that was God's plan, then you would receive your penis or vagina on your wedding day.

9. The only warning Africans take
serious is LOW BATTERY.

10. Men sucking lady's breast is
normal because the act was learnt
in childhood when they were
young but the act of lady's sucking men's d*ck is what baffles me, where did they learn it from?

11. Whenever things seem to start
going well in your life, the Devil
comes along and gives you a
'girlfriend'.

12. When your clothes are made of
cassava leaves, you don't take a
goat as a friend.

13. If you have attended over 100
weddings in your life and still
single, you are not different from a Canopy.

14. Dating a slim/slender guy is
cool. The problem is when you are
lying on his chest then his ribs
draw adidas lines on your face.

15. If you are ugly, you are ugly.
Stop talking about inner beauty
because men don't walk around
with X-rays to see inner beauty.

16. Respect pregnant women
because it's not easy walking
around with evidence that you've
had sex.

17. Some of the girls of today can't
even jog for 5 minutes but they
expect a guy to last in bed with
you for 2 hours? Your level of
selfishness demands a one week
crusade.

18. I stopped trusting ladies when
my class 3 girlfriend left me for
another boy all because he bought a sharpener with a mirror.

19. Nothing makes a woman more
confused than being in a
relationship with a "broke" man
who's extremely good in bed.

20. Witchcraft is when a 24 year old girl who cannot jog for 5 minutes expects a 40 year old man to last for 1 hour in bed.

21. Being dumped by a dark-
skinned girl is the worst thing ever;because anytime you get home and see charcoal, you become emotional.

22. Women with beauty and no
brains, it is your private parts that will suffer the most.

23. When one's goat gets missing,
the aroma of a neighbour's soup
gets suspicious.

24. Its better for a man to be stingy with his money because he hustled for it than a woman to deny you a hole she didn't drill.

25. Even Satan wasn't gay, he
approached naked Eve instead of
naked Adam. Say no to same-sex
marriage.

26. If you are a married man and
you find yourself attracted to
school girls, just buy your wife a
school uniform.

27. It is every man's dream to
remove a woman's pant one day
but NOT when it's on a drying line.

28. Virginity is the best wedding
gift any man would receive from
his newly wed wife but lately,
there's nothing as such any-longer
because it'll have already been
given out as a Birthday gift, token of Appreciation, Job assurance,
Church collection, Examination
marking schemes & for Lorry fares!"

29. Treat every part of your towel
nicely because the part that wipes
your buttocks today will wipe your
face tomorrow.

30. We are living in a generation
where people “in love” are free to
touch each others’ private parts but cannot touch each others’ phones because they’re private.”

31. Sometimes you look back at
girls you spent money on rather
than send it to your mum and you
realise witchcraft is real.

32. If President Barack Obama
wants me to allow marriage for
same-sex couples in my country
(Zimbabwe), he must come here so that I marry him first.

33. South Africans will kick down a
statue of a dead white man but
won’t even attempt to slap a live
one. Yet they can stone to death a
black man simply because he’s a
foreigner.

34. What is the problem? We now
have aeroplanes which can take
them back quicker than the ships
used by their ancestors.

35. Mr Bush, Mr. Blair and now Mr
Brown's sense of human rights
precludes our people's right to their God-given resources, which in their view must be controlled by their kith and kin. I am termed dictator because I have rejected this supremacist view and frustrated the neo-colonialists.

36. Cigarette is a pinch of tobacco
rolled in a piece of paper with fire
on one end and a fool on the other end.

37. A brave man is he who has a
running stomach and still wants to flatulate.

38. Journalist: Sir don't you think 89 years would be a great time to
retire as a President.
Mugabe: Have you ever asked the
Queen this question or is it just for
African leaders?

39. Interviewer: Mr President, when are you bidding the people of Zimbabwe farewell?
Robert: Where are they going?

40. My dear ladies, please don't buy a selfie stick when your armpit itself needs a shaving stick.

Clears throat!

he is an intelligent man if actually he said all these!

awesome quotes

Speak the truth and shame the devil, Are they really his words