Good morning mummies in the house. PLEASE THIS WILL BE A LITTLE LENGHTY. I was so angry this morning, so I feel like offloading the anger by speaking out. I have a girl of 13 years. She is good girl but at the same time she can drive me crazy some time. Several times, when she misbehaves, either I scold her or I beat her depending on the gravity of her offence, most times I expect my husband to atleast scold her whenever she misbehaves but he won't, he will just come and softly talk to her thereby making me look wicked . For instance, I have told her several times when she wakes in the morning, put water on the gas, go and take your bath, then go and prepare the children while I prepare their food pack and feed them. That way, we will go to school early. I have told her several times to do this but she keeps messing up. This morning I found out she has not taken her bath, I scolded her and told her to go and take her bath, she entered the bathroom and after wasting time, she came out without taking her bath. I beat her up, when my husband came out he ordered me to stop beating her and gently told her to go and take her bath. That made me look like the wicked one while he is the good one. At the end I ended up preparing the children, prepare their food, feed them, packed their lunch box etc. Mothers will understand how it is preparing the kids in the morning and the pressures involved. I really don't know the ways to handle this issue because I am angry with my husband for making me feel like the wicked one before the girl. Please mature advice please.

Hehehe he is grooming his side chick
Don't mind me I was joking about his grooming which by the way shouldn't be completely dismmised,
He is not doing well by taking sides, but madam don't u think u are a bit harsh on the girl? If you are device another means of scolding her not necessarily shouting and beating. Have a heart to heart talk with your husband about the issh

Typical.
It's always the madam that has problems with their maids (or any other relative living with them), hardly ever the oga.

Wonder why!

chiomaabigail:
Good morning mummies in the house. PLEASE THIS WILL BE A LITTLE LENGHTY. I was so angry this morning, so I feel like offloading the anger by speaking out. I have a girl of 13 years. She is good girl but at the same time she can drive me crazy some time. Several times, when she misbehaves, either I scold her or I beat her depending on the gravity of her offence, most times I expect my husband to atleast scold her whenever she misbehaves but he won't, he will just come and softly talk to her thereby making me look wicked . For instance, I have told her several times when she wakes in the morning, put water on the gas, go and take your bath, then go and prepare the children while I prepare their food pack and feed them. That way, we will go to school early. I have told her several times to do this but she keeps messing up. This morning I found out she has not taken her bath, I scolded her and told her to go and take her bath, she entered the bathroom and after wasting time, she came out without taking her bath. I beat her up, when my husband came out he ordered me to stop beating her and gently told her to go and take her bath. That made me look like the wicked one while he is the good one. At the end I ended up preparing the children, prepare their food, feed them, packed their lunch box etc. Mothers will understand how it is preparing the kids in the morning and the pressures involved. I really don't know the ways to handle this issue because I am angry with my husband for making me feel like the wicked one before the girl. Please mature advice please.

it seems to me that you yell or beat her impulsively and your husband is taking an opposite approach possibly because he thinks you are acting irrationally/emotionally.

if you are going to punish her, don't do it immediately wait till a different time and calmly tell her what she did wrong, that way it cannot be said/though you are shouting/beating her because you are angry.

question, when she went into the bathroom but didn't take her bath, did you try to find out the reason before 'beating her up'?

Have you sat down to ask yourself if the way you are dealing with the girl is the best?Have you considered if a gentle approach like your husband's way will work better?Your husband doesn't have to behave like you.

i will comment if this make the front page

hopeforcharles:
Hehehe he is grooming his side chick
Don't mind me I was joking about his grooming which by the way shouldn't be completely dismmised,
He is not doing well by taking sides, but madam don't u think u are a bit harsh on the girl? If you are device another means of scolding her not necessarily shouting and beating. Have a heart to heart talk with your husband about the issh

Thanks, I have spoken gently to her several times, I only beat her when I have corrected her several times and she keeps repeating the same thing. I am not harsh on her. I do not know whether to mind my business and stop talking to her.

hopeforcharles:
Hehehe he is grooming his side chick
Don't mind me I was joking about his grooming which by the way shouldn't be completely dismmised,
He is not doing well by taking sides, but madam don't u think u are a bit harsh on the girl? If you are device another means of scolding her not necessarily shouting and beating. Have a heart to heart talk with your husband about the issh

Ah! Don't dull 0! The end-game may be more than "side-chick" - OP, you are supposed to mentor your successor, not beat her !

More seriously, a 13 year-old maid . That strikes me as all kinds of wrong in it's own right. But please tell me that her situation with you - which includes schooling right? - is better than her natal circumstances?

And please stop "beating her up" as a means of scolding. It's inhumane, and will instil wrong notions about violence in your own children. Or do you do that via multiple other ways .

And finally, the good cop, bad cop, strategy works quite well in some instances. Don't you watch CSI Iganmu ? By all means discipline her, but treat her as one of your own.

And I know I'm not a "mummy", but I spoke as I also prepare children for school in the morning - and know how e be !


TV

Do u really think beating her will change her??

Besides, parenting works out better with the good cop/bad cop pattern, you have chosen to be the bad copy already!

It doesn't make any sense for you and your husband to beat her together!

chiomaabigail:
Thanks, I have spoken gently to her several times, I only beat her when I have corrected her several times and she keeps repeating the same thing. I am not harsh on her.

OK here is another angle, instead of she to break ur home or cause a rift between you and ur husband Better send her packing, I for once would not allow issues like this to interfere with my family and hope u are not the bossy type, because if my wife acts bossy to me by doing anyhow around me I will want to have an edge to tell her I still run things in my house.
And besides are they related with ur husband?

It's quite natural as to the fact that. ''WOMEN HATE WOMEN'' that's why they reveal each other's secret when they quarrel.

Do you beat and scold your children the way you do to her? If not, why?

It pains me that you women that carry pregnancy and the attendant pains and suffering are always quick to treat another person's child like trash. Has it ever occured to you that some other woman somewhere carried that child too for nine months, just like you carried yours? Do you know that, that child mean the world to her parents, just like yours mean to you?

That a child is unfortunate to live with you does not make a lesser human being. You women are plain wicked!

chiomaabigail:
Don't sit at home and start saying anything that comes out of your mouth. U want to tell me that you have never beaten any of your younger ones or children when they misbehave? U just open your mouth and start talking trash. I beat my children and my maid when they do bad thing, if you don't like it go and hug transformer.

Cheeky!

Read your comment again with emphasis on the bolded. You have already drawn the distinction between CHILDREN and MAID and you are still acting like you don't know why she sees you like a (wicked) Madam? Be a mother to that child and she'll never have a problem with it whenever you correct her. That you are running her like a German machine does not mean she won't have time to be a kid by being forgetful, playful, naughty and heady. Try applying same measure you apply to your kids. At thirteen, she's still a kid.


For those saying she might start sleeping with your husband. I can only say that if you keep treating her the way you are doing, she'll look for a succour, either in your husband or another guy on the streets, cos we are all looking for someone to appreciate us, love us and give us a sense of belonging. That duty is yours to her, but from your post, it is evident you failed woefully. You will only ruin that girl's life if all she keeps seeing from you is hate. She'd grow up thinking the world is a bad, cruel and harsh place. She will never give the world love in return, but cruelty, badness and harshness.

I will tell this story here to buttress my assertion. A family once conspired against their sisters' MAID', an eleven year old. The mum and her three other daughters alleged that the 'maid' was responsible for her grandson being ill, her son-in-law's car spoiling and responsible for the condom found in the same car. They beat and goaded her till she confessed to the sin. They asked how she did it. She agreed to being a cat and crawling into the car at night to deposit the condoms and spoil the car engine.

When I heard it, I laughed like hell and asked the son-in-law's opinion. He said it was hogwash, but the in-laws refused to let go and dragged the girl to a pastor's who aggravated the whole thing.

The family ignored the fact that the lady just delivered a baby and even if the man had not been cheating on his wife, might be tempted to due to the wife's state. They also forgot that cars are a mechanical assemblage that tend to break down now and then, especially old and rickety ones. All these they ignored because the little girl was unfortunate to be called a MAID.

Chairman is grooming his future kpanshing machine

When all the nutrients in u will be used up,he'll use her to replenish himself

Men don't play with potential kpanshing tools,especially the ones they perceive will satisfy their sexual urge.


watch it ma'm

So you run around in the morning while Oga just sits and watch?

He cannot bath his own kids abi

OK
You have a help that all you do is yell and beat her
Wait till she does to your kids what you do to her

DIKEnaWAR:
Do you beat and scold your children the way you do to her? If not, why?

It pains me that you women that carry pregnancy and the attendant pains and suffering are always quick to treat another person's child like trash. Has it ever occured to you that some other woman somewhere carried that child too for nine months, just like you carried yours? Do you know that, that child mean the world to her parents, just like yours mean to you?

That a child is unfortunate to live with you does not make her a lesser human being. You women are plain wicked!

You are entitled to your own opinions. Just know that I beat my children when they misbehave

chiomaabigail:
Thanks, I have spoken gently to her several times, I only beat her when I have corrected her several times and she keeps repeating the same thing. I am not harsh on her. I do not know whether to mind my business and stop talking to her.

So madam, would you consider this option with your child? Would you stop talking to your child. I bet you'd also advise your kids not to talk or play with her when you finally get yourself to do that.

I am not attacking you o. I have just seen this too often that it pisses me off every time.

Thumbs up to ur husband. .. how would u feel if someone does same to ur daughter if she ever find herself in that kind of unfortunate situation? 13yr old is still a child so the fact that she works for u or u pay her peenuts which she doesn't even get to touch, see or even use for herself doesn't make her an adult. .. u r the mother of ur kids and it's ur responsibility to prep them for school while she assist u not the other way round.
back to the matter. .... did it occur to u that the water she was meant to bath with could be too cold for her while ur kids would use warm water. ..did u knw if she woke up wit a fever and couldn't bath that early?

solution. .
stop seeing her as ur enemy
change the routine
let her bath ur kids first so that when thr r gone to school she would probably bath herself (not everyone like bathing early morning esp wen no place to go)
take her as ur first child so she can see ur kids as her junior once.

sannu!!

why do you have a 13 year old working for you like a maid (part time maid)... that girl should be in school doing algebra...I'm not sure but even if you train her in school she shouldn't still be working for you...that is wrong!! government should review this housemaid thingy...train up your own child yourself...


bashing is allowed...

DIKEnaWAR:
Do you beat and scold your children the way you do to her? If not, why?

It pains me that you women that carry pregnancy and the attendant pains and suffering are always quick to treat another person's child like trash. Has it ever occured to you that some other woman somewhere carried that child too for nine months, just like you carried yours? Do you know that, that child mean the world to her parents, just like yours mean to you?

That a child is unfortunate to live with you does not make her a lesser human being. You women are plain wicked!

Don't sit at home and start saying anything that comes out of your mouth. U want to tell me that you have never beaten any of your younger ones or children when they misbehave? U just open your mouth and start talking trash. I beat my children and my maid when they do bad thing, if you don't like it go and hug transformer.

Madam, its really not easy, what you do is assign what she can do easily without much hassles. am not sure at that age she can bath and brush your kids well even. for the sake of your own happiness, wake up early and get things done.
As for me by 5am am up cooking their lunch and breakfast, after that i pack their bags, heat water and bath myself before i bath the kids.
Your girl can help dress them up while you get other things done.

Just take a look at this woman.
Madam chioma, so you have the guts to even take in a 13 year old as maid and be proud of it??
E bu nu madam, chairlady ndi n'ata umuaka ahuhu. May your own daughter slave for someone at 13

JayJustus:
why do you have a 13 year old working for you like a maid (part time maid)... that girl should be in school doing algebra...I'm not sure but even if you train her in school she shouldn't still be working for you...that is wrong!! government should review this housemaid thingy...train up your own child yourself...


bashing is allowed...

Oga I know God has blessed but for saying this truth he will bless you even more. This woman is a child abuser. A 13 yrs old girl as maid? Nonsense!

chiomaabigail:
Don't sit at home and start saying anything that comes out of your mouth. U want to tell me that you have never beaten any of your younger ones or children when they misbehave? U just open your mouth and start talking trash. I beat my children and my maid when they do bad thing, if you don't like it go and hug transformer.

Now you sound like someone we are going to see soon on the pages of newspapers. I just hope the girl doesn't die when it happens. Then we can enjoy that "regretting look" we always see on their faces and wish you a happy time in j***.


And to think the girl is only 13. smh. I really doubt she goes to school sef

Women should understand that men aren't wired just they way they are.



Wen I was much younger, mum do scold me buh dad keeps quiet.. wen dad scolds me, mum sef go scold me pass the scolding wey popsy scold me, no be even say na mumsy I offend oo, she go just chook her matter for am..


Now wat am I saying? Men are wired differently, wen such things like this occur, we just don't want to put mouth, rather after everything must have calmed down, we may decide to call the child and calmly talk to her.


But women, dem go shout and shout and shout sotey, all the neighbors go hear her voice.. it's really that bad.


Some stvpid people now will be saying the Oga is eyeing the girl. Pls dats total rubbish. Not every man is randy.




Op, shouting like mad woman won't solve the problem, if you think she is unrepentant then u change her. You are the one dats causing problems for yourself, not her.


Please I hope u knw that anger can drive u to do certain things which can land you in jail so u better watch it. Befor you knw it now, we go hear say u don carry hot iron press for her private part, na there thunder go just fire u. If na me be the judge, na life inprisonment straight!

chiomaabigail:
Don't sit at home and start saying anything that comes out of your mouth. U want to tell me that you have never beaten any of your younger ones or children when they misbehave? U just open your mouth and start talking trash. I beat my children and my maid when they do bad thing, if you don't like it go and hug transformer.

u beat ur children and your maid when they do bad thing.... Mrs Right. I pray that ur face will show in the newspapers someday.. if u ever mention the devil, na there thunder go seriously fire u

femmefetale:


Oga I know God has blessed but for saying this truth he will bless you even more. This woman is a child abuser. A 13 yrs old girl as maid? Nonsense!

Oga for your information she goes to school, that is why I hurry her up in the morning so that I can go to work while she goes to school early.

talk2alabama:
u beat ur children and your maid when they do bad thing.... Mrs Right. I pray that ur face will show in the newspapers someday.. if u ever mention the devil, na there thunder go seriously fire u

You dey mind her.I can bet that that girl is presently dressed in rags. Person go fuccck born children still carry another person child to slave for her own wahala wey her OWN ikpu caused. Mtchewwww ewwwwwww

femmefetale:
Just take a look at this woman.
Madam chioma, so you have the guts to even take in a 13 year old as maid and be proud of it??
E bu nu madam, chairlady ndi n'ata umuaka ahuhu. May your own daughter slave for someone at 13

Your generation shall live in slavery.

You are using a 13 year old as a maid?
Are you not being wicked?

Is it right? Is it ok?

This a one sided story. You will never see your wrong since you are the one reporting it.

Not all men beat other people's kids. I do not.

chiomaabigail:
Your generation shall live in slavery.

Madam I'm not wicked like you. I no carry winch for body. Leave that poor girl alone. Take her back to her parents before you render her useless. She no dey when you dey fuccck your husband dey drop pikin everywhere like used tissue paper for female hostel. Inugo? !


Wicked woman!
Na God go judge you.