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By Hellyjay S.

He was still yapping like he’s always done—like a gasbag he’s always been—with 75 percent of his talk bubbling with hot air. As usual. On any sunny day, like you know.

But things got pretty gross on Monday when Ekiti’s Gov. Ayo Fayose aired his reason for assenting to the Ekiti Grazing Bill he sponsored before the state Assembly. Know what: He had never in his second life (as governor) been so dingbat as to have assented, with such a clear head, to a bill.

The last law-making stuff Fayose did before this was the 2016 appropriation bill for the state in December. And it wasn’t a dumb show like that of August 29. On the day of budget presentation last year, the PDP governor, like some tramp, loafed into the House in his jean pants (he was in Bermuda shorts when signing it) and Polo-shirt. He grabbed the gavel, hammered it down—all you APC’s naysayers could fug yourselves—and, alone, made and passed the padded budget proposal into law. And the bright spark the Ekiti voters call Speaker Kolawole Oluwawole, drooling, stared on in wide-eyed surprise. And, you know, everybody was happy.

Oh! Bless that Fayose.

But this Fayose—the one that waited for the honourables to debate the bill in the House, (they like it best on highways) and waited until they buttoned it all up for him to sign—this deliberate Fayose—must have lost his balls.

Gawd! The clone was even explaining the spirit of the law to the rabble listening to the Fayose they thought they knew. He was like:

With the signing into law of this bill today, anyone caught grazing with arms or any weapon in Ekiti would now be charged with terrorism and be made to face the law according to certain sections of it. The same goes for those who graze in prohibited areas or go against the time frame of 7 a.m. to 6 p.m. allowed for open grazing

And the audience was like: So, guv, you mean the shit-smelling herdsmen can still graze their cattle in your state? They will still have grazing zones, uh?

Goddammit!

Sure, the people weren’t listening with their arses—to that cow-hugger talking mush now as Fayose. Which is really unlike him. They must have felt really let down. By now most of them are still trying to figure it out, mixing it among themselves, especially the hunters, witchdoctors, Gammalin sellers, and cattle rustlers among them—that this was (or wasn’t) the same governor who, in May, mobilised hundreds of bean shooters, and gave them N5 million to buy gunpowder so they could shoot to kill off those skinny herdsmen raping fleshy mothers and daughters in Ekiti. That was weeks back.

Now come to think of it. It’s bloody unbelievable there will be no shoot-‘em-ups again.

And this gay, with his crazing law, is also about to botch a roaring trade, a legit business that just picked up in Ekiti: cattle poisoning. Scores of cows have been killed. And lots of money has been made by poison merchants. They’ll all close shop now.

No! No!! No!!! Not so fast.

Wasn’t it just months ago when that other Gov. Fayose— the good old Fayose that could never go wrong—went on the NTA and urged the citizens to lace their farms, and juice up their streams with poison? Were there not up to 83 beefs that died the slow, painful death in couple weeks after the broadcast?

Whoever bewitched him now to make him lose his mind? It still beats us. This Fayose now is explaining—eating his words—there will be grazing reserves in all the state’s local governments. No poisoning the well (literally) again.

He says the police will nab any mad cows that stray out of the zones, and bust up even the herders—crooks, AK-47, and all. The cows arrested, especially those with big rumps, will get a five-star treatment at the state’s cattle ranch courtesy of this Fayose. And any Fulani cowbangers caught carrying weapons will get President Muhammadu Buhari’s treatment.

A tough one? Not exactly.

Any Nigerian with half a brain will do just that—especially in those states where people have stopped putting their feet in their mouths. You don’t even have to be a fireball of opposition politics in the southwest to do it. It’s just the fair enough law to be made.

But it’s crazy something not so out of place like the grazing law could come from Ekiti.

Which is why fans of that other Fayose’s can’t get over this blunder. This change. This donkey act of a Fayose no one is sure is the Ekiti governor that recently outlawed all the Fulani, cows, and grasses. They don’t get it—how he would, suddenly, morph from a bully boy into, using a more respectful word, a coward, which actually means a conservationist.

Certainly, this breaking in is beyond what a heavy dose of animal rights activism can do.

So whodunit?

There, in the crystal ball, stand the Miyetti Allah cattle breeders. And a forest of smooth, slim rods.

You think those crooks are good only for knocking out women that fall prey to the cowboys’ violent libido?

No way.

See what they’ve done to this Fayose, the battering ram of the PDP.

God have mercy.
http://justspreadit.com/2016/08/30/the-amazing-thing-about-fayose-and-his-grazing-bill-that-makes-you-wonder-he-also-could-be-hare-brained-for-once-like-us-beef-eating-humans/