I reconciled with my husband a few months ago after all the agonies he put me through, only to find he hasn't stopped his cheating ways.
He is still still verbally insulting me as well. Just a few nights ago. I was pushed to the limit and I couldn't take any more. I contacted a guy I could talk to and he could understand me. I felt a bit guilty about it but I had enough. I didn't do any thing physical with him. I just liked talking to him and him listening to me. It felt good to be loved, now my husband has found out and he is crucifying me for it! He said that I am a LovePeddler even though I never slept with anyone and even laughed in my face saying that he can now freely f**k around outside. He also said it was a taboo in his culture for the wife to do what I did. Is this true? I love him but I could never get the respect and love from him that I needed in the last 5 yrs. Am I wrong for what I did?

POSTER

Please let us know when you fu ck the guy and then come back to ask us if your were right or worng.

No I don't intend on fucking anyone I just need emotional intimacy and my husband is not giving me any. I have tried believe me. I am very frustrated.

your husband obviously don't have any respect for you. Him cheating on you isn't right. It's ok to talk to somebody about your situation,but did it have to be a man? Why not a girlfriend? Talking to a man about it gives you the perspective from his eyes (man) instead of getting it from a womans perspective (the one you need now)

I suggest you talk to your husband, tell him what is on your mind (what you have been talking about with this guy) If your husband doens't want to change his behaviour,you have no option left then to leave him, because you really shouldn't let him treat you like this!! And he would continue behaving the way he is. No man is worth it to put you down. Your better then that

Good luck!!

my advice to you.go to the nearest gun shop,get yourself a desert Eagle,come back home shoot him.And claim self defence! sounds good to me

@angel 72

The problem is that he never wants to talk to me. If I have a problem or I am upset he dosen't want to know!! I feel neglected. This has been going on for 5 yrs constantly. I am not able for it anymore. He dosen't seem to comprehend that I have feelings and needs. He has constantly cheated on me and even got engaged to someone behind my back. And he thinks he can now turn this back on me.

then i suggest that you treath him with leaving. Why did you let it go on for so long? I understand that you love him and that your scared to leave him, but there plenty of men out there that want to have a girl like you and treat you like you should be treaten. With respect,love,good communication and most of all ; unconditionally. You don't need this man, he doesn't deserve you!! Your really a better person without him. Believe me, i have had my share with man, not many, but long relationships and let them walk all over me,because i thought that i couldn't get better and feeling so depressed about it. But i took the courage and broke with them,because i told myself that i deserved more then that! And i think you should do the same!

We have a child together which makes it very hard. He is now calling all of his friends telling them what I did. He is not even open to understand why I did it or that he pushed me there.

I don't have children of my own yet,but i have friends that have separated who have children. Believe me that this situation isn't healthy for the child either. Maybe you can talk to a brother or sister if he has any? Or to one of his close friends? Tell them what happend,try to get them on your side and make them talk to him to get through his thick scull

Talk to his family? I don't think so! Do you honestly think they are going to take my side over his? Although, they are aware of his past behaviour.
He hasn't told his family yet about whats going on.

Well, if they like you enough, and you get along with them, then they will try to help you save this marriage. It wouldn't look good to them either if you guys would separate,now would it? And knowing what happend in the past and what he is doing now is disgracing his family too? It could be that they see you as somebody who wants to help them preventing and protecting his family from this? Have you ever thought of that?

Do you think I should call one of my in laws and tell them the situation. Would they not think that by talking to a another man that I am a LovePeddler as my husband said. It was a mistake that I made. I never intended anything to happen with me and this man. I have too much of a conscience to do anything physical.

Tara

Look, this is why men continue to think they can do anything to women and go scot free with it. He cheated, then cheat on him as well, two can play the game, if he brings a lady home, you also bring a man home, if he calls his girlfriend on phone, you also do that- why are you pitying him? You may actually think you love him whereas you only pity him and dont want to hurt him.

Look, he is human, you are human, men are desperate, once he knows you have woken up from your slumber and ready to stand up to him, face to face, he will begin to lick the ground you walk on, if he toys with your emotions, take his own, if he has any, toy with it as well, use it to wipe the floor and look, he will begin to ask you to help you wash your pants and bra, no matter how dirty. Come on, wake up o.

He is enjoying the situation at the moment. He said that I can have as many men as I want outside. He dosen't care. He said that from now on that he is entitled to have a girlfriend and that as of today I have no say. He said the only reason he is staying in the marriage is because of our child. He told me he dosen't love me anymore. He said that he is not going to leave the house and I can't either because its my only home.

There is no reason fr you to keep on living like this. Just pack your stuff and take your child and go to your family until you got a place on your own. Ask for a divorce and sew his ass for all the money he has and get a good monthly childsupport arrangement. Stand up for yourself and take action, that's the only thing you can do right now,

I already went to my family before. I do not want to do it again. It would be too embarrassing for me.
Any way its my house too. I pay for the mortgage and my name is on it so I would feel stupid to leave. If I leave my house would turn into a brothel and I not having that.

then i suggest you get a lawyer as soon as possible. You can't live under the same roof!! Get separated, make him leave the house, you buy him out so the house will be in your name. i know it's a lot to deal with so make sure you have some good friends that will help you get through this, but you need to do it. If he starts taking home girls it's going to be hell,

TARA TARA TARA

HOW MANY TIMES DID I CALL U?

Yeah I'd love to buy him out if I had the money, not to mention that I am in negative equity.

A bankloan or loan from your family should help you, just check out the possibilities, and if you can't then he should buy you out and then you use the money to buy or rent something yourself, there is a solution to everthing, eventhough you think at this moment there isn't one,

why can't you divorce his ass and kick him out?
you don't need to live in sadness you know, why further complicate things for yourself. You are still pretty young and you have your whole life ahead of you so just bloody do the right thing.
be strong and move the hell on.

I am really sorry about your marital turmoil.
I cannot believe your husband's attitude to
you and your marriage. He has absolutely no
right to condemn you after all he has done.
Any decent man would have taken it as a
sign that he is a terrible and selfish
husband who needs to live up to his
responsibilities. He is such a heartless coward.

I agree with Angel, he is taking advantage of
you and you seem to be happy playing along!!

You are both wrong, but your husband is more wrong. The question is: where do you go from here?

People here are telling her to Divorce him

Who's gonna marry her again? That path is to destruction 

That's not the best idea.

Just pray to God to change his ways and be patient.

faakay:

People here are telling her to Divorce him

Who's gonna marry her again? That path is to destruction

That's not the best idea.

Just pray to God to change his ways and be patient.

u can't be serious .
I would , just because someone has a child doesn't mean they have to remain single for the rest of their lives

I was wrong but I was very angry and anger makes you do stupid things. I tried to explain to him the reasons for why I did it but he wouldn't understand.

jay bee:

u can't be serious  .
I would , just because someone has a child doesn't mean they have to remain single for the rest of their lives

        hmmmm I see

but nobody wants tokunboh this days maybe u like!! But that's not the best anyway,

faakay:



hmmmm I see

but nobody wants tokunboh this days maybe u like!! But that's not the best anyway,

we aren't talking abt tokunboh here
she is clearly suffering and probably tried all she could so why bother?

The biggest mistake you made was to confirm/confess you met with another man.

You are the only one that can understand why you did it and if you actually didn't sleep with the 'friend'. . . . . . . . . . . no other person will,as long as its Nigeria.

The man obviously has been looking for a good excuse to kick you out & bring in someone else. . . . My only suggestion is that you cut your loses and leave the marriage ,take your baby & try to start again while you're still young.

This may sound blunt ,but its the only advice I can give,Nigerians generally don't view male / female 'infidelity' through the same lens.

The best solution to your problem is to find the source of this problem and solve it from there.

faakay

Please don't judge me because I am not Nigerian. I am still a decent person and have a very good heart. I always loved my husband and I gave him so many chances again and again. He told me that he is one of those men that has to cheat. I was always serious about the marriage for the sake of our child. I gave myself and faithfulness to this marriage 100 percent. But I am getting tired of doing it and he seems to be getting worse. What would you do if you were married to such a person?
Please life is hard enough and I am not a robot. My heart is broken.