PREAMBLE
Very interesting story:

A boy and a girl once lived as friends tending to get married. After a couple of years, the guy finally graduated and decided to further his studies overseas. Before leaving, he proposed to the girl: “I’m not very good with words. But, all I know is that, I love you. If you allow me, I will take care of you for the rest of my life.” The girl agreed and with the guy’s determination, the girl's family gave in and agreed to let them get married. Before he left, they got engaged. The girl went out working, whereas the guy was overseas continuing his studies. They love through emails and phone calls.

Though it was hard, but both never thought of giving up. One day, while the girl was on her way to work she was knocked down by a car that lost control. When she woke up, she saw her parents beside her bed. She realized she was badly injured. Seeing her mum cry, she wanted to comfort her but she realized that all that could come out of her mouth was just a sigh. She had lost her voice…. The doctor said that the impact on her brain has caused her to lose her voice. Upon reaching home everything seemed to be the same. Except for the ringing tone of the phone which pierced into her heart every time it rang; she does not wish to let the guy know and not wanting to be a burden to him, she wrote a letter to him saying that she does not wish to wait any longer. With that, she sent the ring back to him. In return the guy sent millions and millions of reply and countless phone calls; all the girl could do is still crying. Her parents decided to move away hoping she would eventually forget everything and be happy.

With a new environment, the girl learns sign language and started a new life. Within herself, she must forget the guy. One day her friend came and told her that he’s back. She asked her friend not to let him know what happened to her. Since then, there wasn’t any more news of him. A year has passed and one day her friend came with an envelope, containing an invitation card for the guy’s wedding. The girl was shattered and heart-broken. When she opened the letter, she saw her name on it instead. When she was about to ask her friend what was going on she saw the guy standing in front of her. He used sign language to tell her,”I’ve spent a year to learn sign language to be able to communicate with you. And just to let you know that I’ve not forgotten our promise. Let me have the chance to be your voice. "I Love You…”

How could this be! Who can still do this to his friend? The most important question here is “Is there no other girl out there who can easily accept this young man proposal, instead of bringing problem upon him?” ...

PREAMBLE Continues:

…However, this must be the heart desire of every individual longing for friendship, to see that person who will love them exactly the way they are and nothing more. But do you think it is impossible in this our era? Not at all, all you need to do is to first love yourself the way you are and become proud of you. Remember what most people desires most, ‘that person who are proud of themselves, because having such a person as friend will bring you confident that, he must be proud of you too.

Therefore, true friendship is a dream and as a dream you need plans, and guide for the actualization of such a dream. Finding such a friend is a destiny. Every person has his/her own true friend, but how do you know that he/ she is the one?

CHAPTER ONE:
FRIENDSHIP

This is a fact that no man or woman can put a question on, to make it look like a Deceptive Context.

“There is this girl you have been chasing for long. Positively and absolutely, you can’t stop thinking about her. She is the most amazing woman in the world, you are certain of it. There has never been another one like her. Her laughter sounds like delicate tinkling of the finest crystal. Her voice sounds like the music of the heavens. The sight of her sets your heart pounding a thousand beats per minute. You know that if you could just get her, you would be happy forever and you would never want anything else ever again. Maybe you are not even certain if you believe in marriage or soul mates or "The one", but maybe you would make an exception to all of that for her. You would do anything for her.”

Yes! This indeed is a thought for the heart that longs for friendship. All he wants at this point is to get her and nothing more. In this case he moves on to planning how he would get her to be his own. Upon all these thoughts, he would never think of any negative thing for and about her, qualities that may be fit their friendship, instead all he wants is her friendship.

In the same way, she is ready to do anything provided she moves to the mountain even when the mountain could not move to the Mohammad. And then she will say: “after all he is intelligent, handsome; in fact all the girls are dying for him.” Anyway, the road to this mountain cannot be denied to be the confusing and hurting, since love and marriage are inseparable.

However, in a nutshell, let us get the fact. You are in friendship with an incredibly good-looking guy. You both feel the attraction building up. What do you do? How do you do it? What exactly will he/she say? Will she accept me? Etc.

Now is not the time to decide! It’s too difficult to think when passion over takes you. You must decide before you go on the friendship, what your limits will be.

The following tips will guide you to make the decision:
1. Do not be unequal yoked.
Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness?

If you are in friendship with someone who doesn’t have a personal relationship with Christ, you are playing with fire. If you fall in love, what will you do? Definitely, he will not allow himself to your belief and if it does happens, then, you are the victim. Don’t let the relationship progress to a physical point and then hope you can cut it off later.

2. Put on the armor of God daily.
You need all the help you can get in today’s world. Are you spending time with God? Do you depend on Him to meet your needs of live and security? You can resist temptation if you put on the whole armor of God. The greatest mistake you can make when you can’t beat them is joining them.

3. Put obedience over passion
Not everything we do that’s right, feels good. In fact usually the opposite is true. It feels incredibly good to give in to passion. But, the authority of Christ needs to take precedence over your physical drives. Society tells you to give in to the moment. Christ tells you to be obedience to His word.



4. Physical expression must be appropriate.
Physical touch/intimacy should correspond with commitment (e.g. in a prayer meeting, after church practices etc) this doesn’t mean anything goes even if you are engaged. Physical touch should be in the context of a meaningful relationship, not reduced to satisfaction of personal need.

5. Limit must be set mutually.
Both partners should take responsibility for setting limits. Mutual boundary keeping reflect maturity. In this present era, where all age longs to have phone, one should not call his soul mate or her heart bit. Limit your passions to control your emotions.
6. Examine your personal motives.
What are your motivations? How does it merit your existence? - Power and control, gratifying your own ego, meeting a selfish need, or genuine affection? Make out time to think of all these, how it affects you partner and others.

7. Is there too much physical and too little other?
If the social, emotional, spiritual dimensions are missing or lacking, you are out of balance. If you can’t stand the person but have a great physical relationship, rethink the relationship. If you don’t, the result will lead either of the partners to serve the other instead of supporting or providing.
8. Less is better.
If one person is uncomfortable with any type of physical expression, may be touching, calling names (darling, honey etc) don’t do it. You should respect and honor each other. Here, no superior yet. Don’t push a friend to do anything that makes him/ her feel uncomfortable.

9. Be guided by love versus lust.
Love is the fruit of the Holy Spirit. From love comes self-control. Operate in love, not lust. Remember that those who love to live will always die without loving, but those who die to love will one day find love before they die.

10. Allow the Holy Spirit to direct and lead you.
If you feel convicted of certain behaviors that don’t concur with righteousness, stop doing them. That you are relationship with someone does not mean you are already married.
-Dr. Linda Mintle, a family Therapist.

TRUE FRIENDSHIP
How can we find true friendship in this often phony, temporary world? Friendship involves recognition or familiarity with another's personality. Friends often share likes and dislikes, interests, pursuits, and passion.

- Recognition
How can we recognize potential friendship? Signs include a mutual desire for companionship and perhaps a common bond of some kind. Beyond that, genuine friendship involves a shared sense of caring and concern, a desire to see one another grow and develop, and a hope for each other to succeed in all aspects of life. True friendship involves action: doing something for someone else while expecting nothing in return; sharing thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or negative criticism.
Relationship
True friendship involves relationship. Those mutual attributes we mentioned above become the foundation in which recognition transpires into relationship. Many people say, "Oh, he's a good friend of mine," yet they never take time to spend time with that "good friend." Friendship takes time: time to get to know each other, time to build shared memories, time to invest in each other's growth.
Trust
Trust is essential to true friendship. We all need someone with whom we can share our lives, thoughts, feelings, and frustrations. We need to be able to share our deepest secrets with someone, without worrying that those secrets will end up on the Internet the next day! Failing to be trustworthy with those intimate secrets can destroy a friendship in a hurry. Faithfulness and loyalty are key to true friendship. Without them, we often feel betrayed, left out, and lonely. In true friendship, there is no backbiting, no negative thoughts, no turning away.

Accountability
True friendship requires certain accountability factors. Real friends encourage one another and forgive one another where there has been an offense. Genuine friendship supports during times of struggle. Friends are dependable. In true friendship, unconditional love develops. We love our friends no matter what and we always want the best for our friends.
EXAMPLES OF REAL FRIENDSHIP
True friendship stories are found throughout the Bible. In Genesis 18:17-33, we read about God sharing His intentions with Abraham. Abraham responds by telling God his thoughts and feelings about the situation. God and Abraham are able to do this because they trust and respect each other.

First Samuel 20 focuses on the friendship of David and Jonathan. These two men truly cared for each other and had great trust and confidence in one another. David was running for his life from Jonathan's father, Saul. Jonathan recognized that David was innocent. Because of the true friendship they shared, David survived Saul's assassination attempts and went on to become one of Israel's greatest kings.

Real and true friendship involves freedom of choice, accountability, truth, and forgiveness. Peter and Jesus give us this example: Peter, afraid for his life after Jesus is led away from the Garden of Gethsemane, denies knowing Jesus (John 18). As He is led away by His accusers, Jesus casts a look toward Peter that says, "I knew you would deny Me, and I forgive you" (John 21).

Real friendship looks at the heart, not just the "packaging." Genuine friendship loves for love's sake, not just for what it can get in return. True friendship is both challenging and exciting. It risks, it overlooks faults, and it loves unconditionally, but it also involves being truthful, even though it may hurt. Genuine friendship, also called "agape" love, comes from the Lord. The Lord Jesus calls us His friends and He laid down His life for us (John 15).

Relationships in real life involve different levels of friendships, and that's okay. But humans are designed by God for lasting relationships. Often our isolationist society offers only vague, empty relationships. God wants us to have friends here on earth. Most of all, He wants us to be friends with Him!

God's Word tells us that a friend sticks closer than a brother, and that in order for one to be a friend, one must show themselves friendly (Proverbs 18:24). The question is: what type of friend do you desire to be?

Proverbs 18:19 in the New Living Translation says: "It's harder to make amends with an offended friend than to capture a fortified city. Arguments separate friends like a gate locked with iron bars." When we've offended a true friend - whether by breaking a trust or by speaking the truth with love - we risk losing that friendship. We must be careful not to break the trust. But when not speaking the truth will cause greater hurt in our friend's life, we must be willing to sacrifice our needs for those of our friend. That is true friendship.

If we sometimes offend a friend without meaning to, God's Word offers a solution. It's called forgiveness. There is no greater example than the love of God for us. It is so great that He gave His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ, in order that our friendship with God might be restored. He did that in spite of the fact that we have offended Him deeply. We have disobeyed His commands, turned our backs on Him, and followed our own path. So the question remains: What type of friend do you want to be? True Christian friendship forgives.

Do you need a friend? God wants to be your true friend. Are you longing for companionship? God is always with you (Hebrews 13:5). Who do you know who needs a true friend today? God wants you to befriend others. He calls us to be His hands and feet in a world starving for true friendship.







THINGS THAT REAL FRIENDS DO DIFFERENTLY:
As we grow, we realize it becomes less important to have more friends and more important to have real ones.
Remember, life is kind of like a party. You invite a lot of people, some leave early, some stay all night, some laugh with you, some laugh at you, and some show up really late. But in the end, after the fun, there are a few who stay to help you clean up the mess. And most of the time, they aren’t even the ones who made the mess. These people are your real friends in life. They are the ones who matter most.
Here are 15 things real friends do differently:
1. They face problems together. – A person who truly knows and loves you – a real friend – is someone who sees the pain in your eyes while everyone else still believes the smile on your face. Don’t look for someone who will solve all your problems; look for someone who will face them with you.

2. They give what they can because they truly care. – One of the biggest challenges in relationships comes from the fact that many of us enter a relationship in order to get something. We try to find someone who’s going to make us feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last, and give us joy in the long-term, is if we see our relationship as a place we go to give, and not just a place we go to take. Yes, of course it is okay to take something from a relationship too. But both sides should be giving. It can only be a ‘give and take’ if BOTH SIDES are GIVING. That’s the key.

3. They make time for each other. – It’s obvious, but any relationship without any face time is going to have problems. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot in someone’s life. Never force someone to make a space in their life for you, because if they truly care about you, they will create one for you.

4. They offer each other freedom. – A healthy relationship keeps the doors and windows wide open. Plenty of air is circulating and no one feels trapped. Relationships thrive in this environment. Keep your doors and windows open. If this person is meant to be in your life, all the open doors and windows in the world won’t make them leave.

5. They communicate effectively. – It’s been said many times before, but it’s true: great communication is the cornerstone of a great relationship. If you have resentment, you must talk it out rather than let the resentment grow. If you are jealous, you must communicate in an open and honest manner to address your insecurities. If you have expectations of your partner, you must communicate them. If there are any problems whatsoever, you must communicate them and work them out. And communicate more than just problems – communicate the good things too.

6. They accept each other as is. – Trying to change a person never works. People know when they are not accepted in their entirety, and it hurts. A real friend is someone who truly knows you, and loves you just the same. Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you. If you feel like changing something about your friend, ask yourself what change you can make in yourself instead.

7. They are genuine, and expect genuineness. – As Leo F. Buscaglia once said, “Never idealize others. They will never live up to your expectations. Don’t over-analyze your relationships. Stop playing games. A growing relationship can only be nurtured by genuineness.” Don’t play games with people’s heads and hearts. Remember, love and friendship don’t hurt. Lying, cheating and screwing with people’s feelings and emotions hurts. Always be open, honest, and genuine.

8. They compromise. – Real friends meet in the middle. When there’s a disagreement, they work out a solution that works for both parties – a compromise, rather than a need for the other person to change or completely give in.

9. They support each other’s growth changes. – Our needs change with time. When someone says, “You’ve changed,” it’s not always a bad thing; sometimes it just means you’ve grown. Don’t apologize for it. Instead, be open and sincere, explain how you feel, and keep doing what you know in your heart is right.

10. They believe in each other. – Simply believing in another person, and showing it in your words and deeds, can make a huge difference in their life. Studies of people who grew up in dysfunctional homes but who grew up to be happy and successful show that the one thing they had in common was someone who believed in them. Do this for those you care about. Support their dreams and passions and hobbies. Participate with them. Cheer for them. Be nothing but encouraging. Whether they actually accomplish these dreams or not, your belief is of infinite importance to them.

11. They maintain realistic expectations of their relationship. – No one is happy all the time. Friends must keep realistic expectations of each other. Notice when you’re projecting something onto the other person that has nothing to do with them, like a fear from a past relationship, and then make an effort to let it go. Recognize when you’re looking for that person to do something for you that you need to do for yourself, like making you feel lovable or take care of your needs, and then release those expectations and do it for yourself.

12. They honor each other in small ways on a regular basis. – Honor your important relationships in some way every chance you get. Every day you have the opportunity to make your relationship sweeter and deeper by making small gestures to show your appreciation and affection. Remember, making one person smile can change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. Your kindness and gratitude matters. Make an effort to really listen – not just wait to talk. See the other person as if for the first time. It’s all too easy to take someone for granted. Really notice all the wonderful things they do, and let them know what you see.

13. They listen, and they hear every word. – Giving a person a voice, and showing them that their words matter, will have a long-lasting impact on them. Less advice is often the best advice. People don’t need lots of advice, they need a listening ear and some positive reinforcement. What they want to know is often already somewhere inside of them. They just need time to think, be and breathe, and continue to explore the undirected journeys that will eventually help them find their direction.

14. They keep their promises. – Your word means everything. If you say you’re going to do something, DO IT! If you say you’re going to be somewhere, BE THERE! If you say you feel something, MEAN IT! If you can’t, won’t, and don’t, then DON’T LIE. Real friends keep promises and tell the truth upfront.

15. They stick around. – The sad truth is that there are some people who will only be there for you as long as you have something they need. When you no longer serve a purpose to them, they will leave. The good news is, if you tough it out, you’ll eventually weed these people out of your life and be left with some great people you can count on. We rarely lose friends and lovers, we just gradually figure out who our real ones are.

TWENTY TIPS TO HELP YOU FIND AND FOSTER THESE SPECIAL RELATIONSHIPS

Family isn’t always blood. They’re the people in your life who appreciate having you in theirs – the ones who encourage you to improve in healthy and exciting ways, and who not only embrace who you are now, but also embrace and embody who you want to be. These people – your real family – are the ones who truly matter.

Here are twenty tips to help you find and foster these special relationships.
1. Free yourself from negative people. – Spend time with nice people who are smart, driven and likeminded. Relationships should help you, not hurt you. Surround yourself with people who reflect the person you want to be. Choose friends who you are proud to know, people you admire, who love and respect you – people who make your day a little brighter simply by being in it. Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. When you free yourself from negative people, you free yourself to be YOU – and being YOU is the only way to truly live.

2. Let go of those who are already gone. – The sad truth is that there are some people who will only be there for you as long as you have something they need. When you no longer serve a purpose to them, they will leave. The good news is, if you tough it out, you’ll eventually weed these people out of your life and be left with some great people you can count on. We rarely lose friends and lovers, we just gradually figure out who our real ones are. So when people walk away from you, let them go. Your destiny is never tied to anyone who leaves you. It doesn’t mean they are bad people; it just means that their part in your story is over.


3. Give people you don’t know a fair chance. – When you look at a person, any person, remember that everyone has a story. Everyone has gone through something that has changed them, and forced them to grow. Every passing face on the street represents a story every bit as compelling and complicated as yours. We meet no ordinary people in our lives. If you give them a chance, everyone has something amazing to offer. So appreciate the possibility of new relationships as you naturally let go of old ones that no longer work. Trust your judgment. Embrace new relationships, knowing that you are entering into unfamiliar territory. Be ready to learn, be ready for a challenge, and be ready to meet someone that might just change your life forever.

4. Show everyone kindness and respect. – Treat everyone with kindness and respect, even those who are rude to you – not because they are nice, but because you are. There are no boundaries or classes that define a group of people that deserve to be respected. Treat everyone with the same level of respect you would give to your grandfather and the same level of patience you would have with your baby brother. People will notice your kindness.

5. Accept people just the way they are. – In most cases it’s impossible to change them anyway, and it’s rude to try. So save yourself from needless stress. Instead of trying to change others, give them your support and lead by example.

6. Encourage others and cheer for them. – Having an appreciation for how amazing the people around you are leads to good places – productive, fulfilling, peaceful places. So be happy for those who are making progress. Cheer for their victories. Be thankful for their blessings, openly. What goes around comes around, and sooner or later the people you’re cheering for will start cheering for you.

7. Be your imperfectly perfect self. – In this crazy world that’s trying to make you like everyone else, find the courage to keep being your awesome self. And when they laugh at you for being different, laugh back at them for being the same. Spend more time with those who make you smile and less time with those who you feel pressured to impress. Be your imperfectly perfect self around them. We are not perfect for everyone, we are only perfect for those select few people that really take the time to get to know us and love us for who we really are. And to those select few, being our imperfectly perfect self is what they love about us.

8. Forgive people and move forward. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart. You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate. Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.” It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.” Forgiveness is the remedy. It doesn’t mean you’re erasing the past, or forgetting what happened. It means you’re letting go of the resentment and pain, and instead choosing to learn from the incident and move on with your life. Remember, the less time you spend hating the people who hurt you, the more time you’ll have to love the people who love you.


9. Do little things every day for others. – Sometimes those little things occupy the biggest part of their hearts. You can’t be everything to everyone, but you can be everything to a few people. Decide who these people are in your life and treat them like royalty.

10. Pay attention to who your real friends are. – As we grow up, we realize it becomes less important to have more friends and more important to have real ones. Remember, life is kind of like a party. You invite a lot of people, some leave early, some stay all night, some laugh with you, some laugh at you, and some show up really late. But in the end, after the fun, there are a few who stay to help you clean up the mess. And most of the time, they aren’t even the ones who made the mess. These people are your real friends in life. They are the ones who matter most.

11. Always be loyal. – True love and real friendship aren’t about being inseparable. These relationships are about two people being true to each other even when they are separated. When it comes to relationships, remaining faithful is never an option, but a priority. Loyalty is everything.

12. Stay in better touch with people who matter to you. – In human relationships distance is not measured in miles, but in affection. Two people can be right next to each other, yet miles apart. So don’t ignore someone you care about, because lack of concern hurts more than angry words. Stay in touch with those who matter to you. Not because it’s convenient, but because they’re worth the extra effort. Remember, you don’t need a certain number of friends, just a number of friends you can be certain of. Paying attention to these people is a priority.

13. Keep your promises and tell the truth. – If you say you’re going to do something, DO IT! If you say you’re going to be somewhere, BE THERE! If you say you feel something, MEAN IT! If you can’t, won’t, and don’t, then DON’T LIE. It’s always better to tell people the truth up front. Don’t play games with people’s heads and hearts. Don’t tell half-truths and expect people to trust you when the full truth comes out; half-truths are no better than lies. Remember, love and friendship don’t hurt. Lying, cheating and screwing with people’s feelings and emotions hurts. Never mess with someone’s feelings just because you’re unsure of yours. Always be open and honest.

14. Give what you want to receive. – Don’t expect what you are not willing to give. Start practicing the golden rule. If you want love, give love. If you want friends, be friendly. If you want money, provide value. It works. It really is this simple

15. Say what you mean and mean what you say. – Give the people in your life the information they need, rather than expecting them to know the unknowable. Information is the grease that keeps the engine of communication functioning. Start communicating clearly. Don’t try to read other people’s minds, and don’t make other people try to read yours. Most problems, big and small, within a family, friendship, or business relationships, start with bad communication.


16. Allow others to make their own decisions. – Do not judge others by your own past. They are living a different life than you are. What might be good for one person may not be good for another. What might be bad for one person might change another person’s life for the better. Allow people to make their own mistakes and their own decisions.

17. Talk a little less, and listen more. – Less advice is often the best advice. People don’t need lots of advice, they need a listening ear and some positive reinforcement. What they want to know is often already somewhere inside of them. They just need time to think, be and breathe, and continue to explore the undirected journeys that will eventually help them find their direction.

18. Leave petty arguments alone. – Someone else doesn’t have to be wrong for you to be right. There are many roads to what’s right. And most of the time it just doesn’t matter that much.

19. Ignore nonconstructive, hurtful commentary. – No one has the right to judge you. They might have heard your stories, but they didn’t feel what you were going through. No matter what you do, there will always be someone who thinks differently. So concentrate on doing what you know in your heart is right. What most people think and say about you isn’t all that is important. What is important is how you feel about yourself.

20. Pay attention to “your relationship with yourself”. – One of the most painful things in life is losing yourself in the process of loving others too much, and forgetting that you are special too. When was the last time someone told you that they loved you just the way you are, and that what you think and how you feel matters? When was the last time someone told you that you did a good job, or took you someplace, simply because they know you feel happy when you’re there? When was the last time that ‘someone’ was YOU?
“As the right hand washes the left hand so should the left do to the right hand”(“Aka nri kwo aka ekpe, Aka ekpe akwo aka nri”). An Igbo adage will say.

Now, I just have to believe that you have learn something from the above guide on friendship-relationship. However we are moving over to the next level known as DATING.

CHAPTER TWO:
DATING

Having known even in dating, that friendship still exist, we then have to know equally that the friendship has taking another shape. Here, there is an expectation for an engagement ring which may lead both to marriage. Dating therefore is an improved friendship.
Before we move into the dos and don’ts of dating, let’s have this:
Dating is a part of human mating process whereby two people meet socially for companionship, beyond the level of friendship, or with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or marriage. It can be a form of courtship consisting of social activities done by the couple. While the term has several meanings, it usually refers to the act of meeting and engaging in some mutually agreed upon social activity in public, together, as a couple.
The protocols and practices of dating, and the terms used to describe it, vary considerably from country to country and over time. The most common idea is two people trying out a relationship and exploring whether they are compatible by going out together in public as a couple who may or may not yet be having sexual relations. This period of courtship is sometimes seen as a precursor to engagement or marriage
However, here are some of the dos and don’ts of dating:

2:1 DO’S AND DON’T OF DATING
Dating can be fun and exciting but getting involved with the wrong person can destroy your life. How do you put the odds in your favour when dating? I have broken down the rules of dating to help you find that special person.

DOS
1. Do relax and have fun: Dating I supposed to be fun so make it fun. Choose activities that you both love so you can relax, laugh and enjoy. If you think you can’t have common activities, or that dating is miserable, then don’t do it.

2. Do groom yourselves before your date: make sure you are freshly showered, have fresh breath and have an outfit on that latter you. Sure your crazy or overly sexy outfits for when you get to know the person better.

3. Do listen: listening is more important than talking. Asking your date lots of questions and love in on similar interests matter a lot (Don’t bring about yourself constantly because that is the ultimate turn off)

4. Do Compliment your date: if you think your date looks nice, say so (don’t focus on your dates imperfections); focus on their good points. If it looks like your date took time to get ready, compliment them by letting them know.

5. Do be positive; (Don’t complain on your date) nobody wants to hear how miserable you are. A poor attitude can destroy a date faster than anything.
6. Do be honest and upfront. If the date didn’t click, tell your partner that you will have to think about it and that you will contact them again if you are interested (but don’t keep them wanting).

7. Do be proactive; You need to take the initiative to meet people to date. Practice flirting, smile, be friendly and make eye contact. This will show people you are available and will increase your chances of being asked out.

8. Do date creatively. (don’t go to movies where you can’t talk or get to know your date better). Go to dinner, bowing and then a movie or go horseback riding, hiking or to an arts or music festival.

9. Do let your friends and family know you are dating. You never know when someone you know may not work out, but you should be open to meeting someone new.

10. Do be polite and have manners. Offer to pay for all or half of the date even if you are a woman. Say "please" and "thank you" and be respectful of the other person’s feelings.

DON’TS
11. Don’t chase someone; Don’t phone, text or email them more than once a day unless you are in conservation with them and they are replying. Being desperate is a huge turn off.

12. Don’t be late for a date; Make sure you leave early enough to deal with traffic delays or other things that could delay you. Being late shows that you don’t respect the other person’s time and may ignite the thought of suspense in the other person’s mind as it sets the date off on the wrong foot.

13. Don’t date people who you think will use you; if you have money, connections or power, don’t tell the other person. If a man connect on too strong for sex early on, shut him down and move on. You want someone who wants.

14. Don’t lie to your date. Don’t over exaggerate your income, education or what you do. These lies will eventually come out and then you will appear as a dishonest loser.



15. Don’t come on too strong. If you are anxious to get married right away, that’s okay. However, constantly talking about serious commitment issues such as marriage and children on a first date can scare your date away.

16. Don’t sit around and wait for his/her call; stay busy. There is nothing more pathetic than someone who immediately drops their life or routine for someone they just met. Your goal is to have a fulfilled life that another person can add to.

17. Don’t get drunk or use drug on your date; what kind of an impression are you making if you are incoherent when you first meet? Your date will think you are like that with all people.

18. Don’t flirt with other while on a date; this may seem like common sense, but nothing will end your date faster than you flirting on your date’s friend.

19. Don’t have sex with someone until you are totally connected (married); Most men longs to know that you are not "use and dump". They will do all the possible means to have sex with you. Equally, most ladies would like to know how many girls/ladies you have dumped after use.

20. Don’t give out too much personal information on a first date; keep your home address and telephone numbers confidential until you get to know your date better and make sure you always meet in a public place.

These dos and don’ts will allow you to know when you are getting it right or wrong, it will help you to check out what you really have to do and what he really has to do. In this case, both of you will not do a silly mistake; take whatever you do serious and the world will always take what you do serious, even when you least expect it.

CHAPTER THREE:
HEARTBREAK WHILE ON A DATE WITH SOMEONE

“The worst among all is when him say: I never loved you.”--vicfrank

A broken heart (or heartbreak) is a common metaphor for the intense emotional pain or suffering one feels after losing a love one, whether through death, divorce, breakup, physical separation, betrayal, or romantic rejection. -Wikipedia.
Heartbreak is a strong feeling of sadness
-Oxford Dictionary.

Heartbreak is usually associated with losing a family member or spouse, though losing parent, child, pet, lover or close friend can all break one’s heart; and it is frequently experienced during grief and bereavement. The phrase refers to the physical pain one may feel in the chest as a result of the lose, although it also by extension includes the emotional trauma of loss even where it is not experienced as somatic pain. Although "heartbreak" ordinarily does not imply any physical defect in the heart, there is a condition known as "Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy (broken heart syndrome), where a traumatizing incident triggers the brain to distribute chemicals that weaker heat tissue.

Be the best you desire and make no mistake ever again.

3.1. CAUSES OF HEART-BREAK
Evaluating the causes of heartbreak on a date with someone is on intensive realization of facts. However, heartbreak still remains one of the greatest gift one can ever receive while on a date with someone. Equally, Heartbreak is also one of the worst "favour" one can ever suspect to receive from the loved ones.


Regarding romantic love specially, I find it funny (and at times supper painful) the dance we all dance. It is like Girl A likes Boy B , but Boy A likes Girl A Likes Boy A. I know, that confused me, too. I just think it is funny how many times we desire the one that doesn’t want us, or that is not the best one for us. And yet we have little to no interest in people who desire us, at the same time.

However, here is where all the causes of heartbreak in a date with someone or even in a friendship or marriage is summed up.
Equally, it hurts to love someone and not to be loved in returns but what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right ones; so that when we finally meet the right person we will know how to be grateful for that "gift"
Heartbreak can be caused by many different circumstances and that is what makes this emotion easily recognized by nearly every person on the planet,. It can result from the loss of a loved one, a partner, a friend and even a close pet.
Mainly on a date with someone, heartbreak may, or often results from disappointment, betrayal or as change from known surroundings (Like "Yes I know that we are dating, but not anymore)
For a clear picture of what we are pointing at while on a date with someone or even in a friendship or marriage, let’s position the case in three levels.



1. Act of suspect.
On this level, there are several points of suspects that occur. First of all, the person’s attitude towards you will immediately change.
But the case here is, “why the sudden change of character or attitude towards me." This automatically becomes the question of the victim some practical cases of prove for these sudden change includes;
-No picking of calls at a did
-Replying message with "I am busy now, I will call you later".
-Not even a text message or a call within two days.
-Always being serious with the "victim," when they eventually meet.
-Finally, neglect of ideas or suggestions

2. Unfaithfulness.
This level is as a result of the Act of suspect. She/he, when discovered that the "victim” is suspecting his/her moves, will try his/her best to cover up whatever she/he is being suspected of. On the Hine for doing this, the "victim" will in begins to feel lonely and abandoned. He/she will try all he/she can do to make things right and straight and when he/she fails witless. Finally, this will lead to the disappointment /heartbreak.

3. Disappointment / Heartbreak.
When this occur, all that will occupy the "victims" heart will be disappointment, “that he/she has been disappointed me even without pity." At this point, it takes months or years to recover from the situation. All you will hear from the mouth of the "suspect" when the "victim” eventually wants to find out the cause is that "I said it is over, can’t you understand"? Eventually, leaving him or her with this statement will push the person into critical thinking which may lead the person from hating any man or woman he/she may be opportune to meet.

SYMPTOMS OF HEARTBREAK
Loss of appetite, Insomnia, Headaches, Stomachaches, Nausea, A ton of tears, Occasional nightmares, Alcohol/substance abuse, Depression, Eating disorders, Panic attacks , Loss of interest, Fatigue, Loneliness, and Hopelessness.

STAGES OF SOMEONE WHO IS HEARTBROKEN
"Someone who is dealing with heartbreak follows patterns similar to those of the stages of death."

1. Shock and denial.
You may deny the reality of the situation this provides emotional protection from feeling overwhelmed by the situation. The shock of loss allows the state of emptiness to move clouding most judgment.



2. Pain and guilt.
After the shock wears off, it becomes replaced with suffering and unbearable pain. Regret for things you did wrong, or things that you weren’t able to do with this person adds to further tears. Life feels chaotic during this time and its best to openly discuss feeling and stay from bottling up your emotions.

3. Anger and bargaining.
Lashing out is a common form of attempting to release all unspoken emotions. This is the stage where the "why, why, why" questioning comes in. The pleas for returned love run rapid, trying to bargain with fate or with the person who was just.

4. Depression, reflection and loneliness.
Like everyone else in this situation, a period of sadness clouds and absorbs your entire sense of being, leaving feelings of emptiness. This feeling occurs when you finally realize and accept the magnitude of your loss. Isolation from people is exceedingly normal, and offers a time reflect on the past.



5. Acceptance end an upward turn.
The feeling of depression lift slightly and life becomes possible to survive without that person so deeply intertwined with each activity. The days are a little easier to shuffle through and you see the possibility of continuation. The reality of the situation is fully accepted and although happiness may not return for some time, the ability to move forward has occurred.


HOW TO MEND A BROKEN HEART.
“It is always easy to pull down than to build up” - vicfrank

The best thing for a broken heart is to be patient and allow time to settle all unresolved feelings. Talking about your feelings with friends or family help to smooth the passage of the loss, as well allowing yourself time to reflect on all feelings and answer questions you may have for yourself. Keeping busy with hobbies you are passionate about and trying new things also keeps your mind busy during hard times. Get a group of friends together and watch a movie or if you are more to yourself, try a more quite walk, through a forest or even around the neighbor. Give yourself time, and do things that make you happy. You are your own best friend and it is important that you accept who you are and look who you are as a person before you expect anyone else to.