Many women are living below there potentials to build a happy home. They don't really realise a lot depends on them. Even when they do, some end up playing out an evil script of divorce programmed into them from childhood by unrealistic expectations about marriage and what a man should be via love stories and songs etc.

But there is something YOU at least can do to win your wife and family rather than become a loser through divorce. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO INITIATES IT, IT IS WELL PROVEN THAT IN DIVORCE EVERYONE (INCLUDING THE CHILDREN) LOSES.

You might have tried what you know to be kind and to be patient and to love her, but if you are not showing her love the way she will receive it as love, to you it is love, to her it will never be love.

YOU THEREFORE NEED TO UNDERSTAND YOUR SPOUSE'S LOVE-LANGUAGE- WHAT SHE EXPERIENCES AS LOVE- AND DO YOUR BEST TO BREAK THROUGH HER DEFENSES SO THAT SHE CAN START TO ACCEPT IT AS LOVE (she may think it is manipulation at first. She may even be angry that if you knew them before why weren't you doing them. Don't mind her. Prayerfully and patiently continue. TRUE LOVE ALWAYS WINS.)

[size=13pt]Love Languages Include[/size]


- ACTS OF SERVICE: Help around the house and with the children. Go out of your way to do things for her. Open the door to the house, car. Get out the dirts. Wash her own clothes even if you have maids. IF THAT'S HER LOVE LANGUAGE make sure you do these things o, even if she insists you shouldn't bother.

- GIFTS: Buy her things she want or give her money, surprise presents and EXPECT her to say she doesn't like it(don't take offence), just ask what she would have preferred and do it.

- TOUCH:
It's been said that women may need at least 7 MEANINGFUL touches per day generally. Now imagine what a woman whose love-language is TOUCH would need. Just do your best. 1. Kiss her when it is obvious you cannot be asking for sex 2. Embrace her and leave her there 3. Ask her to sit on your lap and caress her hair 4. Let her lean on you etc AND A COMBINATION

- TIME:
Force yourself to become a good listening even when your wife is saying the most irrelevant things in the world and make comments and gestures that shows you are interested(IF YOU ARE NOT INTERESTED IN HER TOPIC, AT LEAST YOU ARE INTERESTED IN HER. THAT'S WHY YOU LEFT OTHERS TO MARRY HER.) Even if she wakes you up to say irrelevant things, patiently listen until she sleeps off.
IS NOT THE TOPIC THAT IS IMPORTANT TO HER, IT IS THE FEELING THAT YOU ARE AVAILABLE FOR HER.
Take her out to spend time ALONE with her. No phone calls from your end. She can pick calls. If this happens to be your love language too. Let her know you don't mind spending time with her alone and this time is for you- no phone calls from anyone to either of you.


- SEXUAL INTIMACY: It is supposed to be part of TOUCH but it is better separated because this primarily some women's love language. You must not just do it regularly but you must let her be open to you about what turns her on and puts her off plus her sexual fantasies. Let her be assured you will not be surprised or call her a slot even it is what you may find "inconvenient". If it is not a conscience or moral issue, give it a try even if inconvenient but be open about it if it is so she won't expect it often.

LOVE LANGUAGES ALSO CAN CHANGE TEMPORARILY OR MAYBE EVEN PERMANENTLY. So listen to your wife's JOKES of what she wants and what she complains about. Don't live in her past.

If you wife's love language is GIFTS and there is financial challenge (e.g. you are out of job or business is not moving), do your best to resolve the situation but in the meantime, expect her never to understand why you are not giving her money or buying things for her. Just reassure her as much as you can that things will change instead of arguing and fighting her. Let her say her mind, many times you will find what she says stupid but understand that she is releasing her emotions. It is better than committing adultery to get money or gifts just to FEEL LOVED again. (This is the reason women like this commit adultery. Not that they don't love their spouses again-- they may say so but it is rarely true-- but they want to FEEL loved. Understand this if it already happened.) If you can, beg for money just to give her things (DON'T BORROW PLEASE!)

I'm not promising things will change soon but if you can BOTH commit to making your marriage work, there will be NO irreconcilable differences.

AND ABOVE ALL DON'T UNDER-ESTIMATE THE POWER OF GOD IN ANSWER TO YOUR OWN PRAYERS. God will not do what you should do but He can help you do it well and make your intentions come to pass.

So all this cos one is married. If I hear...

jaz:
So all this cos one is married. If I hear...

If you're married, know your wives love-language and be serious with it. That's the message. Men frustrate women and then start complaining they are hot-tempered.

Marriage is responsibility. Not for boys.

Nice one@op.

How does a man know his wife's love language if she doesn't give any hint?

And what is your advice for a man who practices the love languages mentioned above and his wife enjoys it, but does not reciprocate the love back?

5minsmadness:
Nice one@op.

How does a man know his wife's love language if she doesn't give any hint?

And what is your advice for a man who practices the love languages mentioned above and his wife enjoys it, but does not reciprocate the love back?

Why should men be the one giving all these things all the time?why not the lady?

onatisi:

Why should men be the one giving all these things all the time?why not the lady?

My brothe me sef no know o. Its a woman's world i guess and men dont want to be seen as beasts. Else na we suffer marry them put them for house provide for them and protect them. Small thing dem do for us we no go hear word again. Even your own male counterparts will be supporting them sake of say dem be the weaker sex yet at the same time saying them dey equal with men.
Abeg back to the mata.

Op pls answer my questions above pls. Thanks.

5minsmadness:
Nice one@op.

How does a man know his wife's love language if she doesn't give any hint?

And what is your advice for a man who practices the love languages mentioned above and his wife enjoys it, but does not reciprocate the love back?

Sorry for the late response please

1. Promote open communication between the two of you. When a woman (or man) is not persecuted or punished - socially (e.g. by isolation) psychologically (e.g. by silence when there is usually a gisting) or verbally and physically because she/he shows weakness or vulnerability then the other spouse would have promoted openness- creating room for better communication.

2. Asking direct questions e.g. "Is there anything you really love I should be doing that I've not been doing?" (Better to start with what your spouse really loves that you've been doing! And don't show too much shock and don't get into selfdefence if your spouse decided to be honest and said "Nothing" Just say something like, "What a revelation." and move on to ask the main question above. Remember it is about what your spouse receives as love not what you think showing love is.)

By the way,it's the way the topic is o. Not meant to say only men should do that.
Marriage is both party's commitment and everyone has at least one major love language.