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IF ONLY SHE...

This may come across as a rather cliched story on sexual harassment but this is my story and its undoubtedly more than that. A story on how I endured sadism for 4 years.

"Widen those legs, yes just like that. You're absolutely beautiful & yummy or don't you think so?" My head moved in an almost imperceptible nod as every question whether rhetorical or not required a response. No reply came with series of unending pain.

I'm Claudia Micheals and I'm 18 years old. My father abandoned my mother and I four years ago and since then I've grown into stoicism.
My mother became miserable after Dad left us. She happened to meet her boyfriend Charles during one of her nights of drunken reveling, a lifestyle she recently took pleasure in.
Charles never left our house after that night.

After two weeks, I thought he could be the best replacement of Dad as we had a common affinity and he helped mum get through her depression. Unfortunately, I was totally oblivious of the beast he truly was.

He was a few years younger than mum but it didn't matter as she looked totally in love with him.
It wasn't until after a few months that everything changed. It was more like he waited a few to show how nefarious he was.

At first, he would unabashedly walk around naked and act like it was completely normal. He would call me even in my trepidation to stare. Any strive to look away came with a ton of slaps.

At 15, I stopped attending school. Mum was really gullible as he had no stress in making her believe home schooling was better. He claimed to know adequate teachers for the job too and saw it as a way to prevent her from dissipating on school.

Contrary to my mum's knowledge, he never even bought me a book. As your guess might be, all my attempts at telling mum how terrible Charles was were frustrated. Instead I was severely chastised for 'badmouthing'.

At 16, my breasts were fully grown and Charles was in charge of buying my underwear....

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There's a continuation to the story , here we go...

IF ONLY SHE... Continuation

The sex episodes begun and I became his slave. He would continuously prattle about how pretty my body was and my grimace always earned me whips. At first, he would use his belt, then later advanced to using shackles and handcuffs. I was living in hell.

Afterwards, he introduced me to a sex club as he begun doing drugs. This was where I found redemption.

Although I had to sleep with multiple of men every night blindfolded, I became friends with a certain bartender George.

You might wonder where mum was at all these. She was at home thinking everything was normal.

George knew about everything that happened but always tried to keep his cool. His attempt at defending me during one of the sex episodes was thwarted by Charles. He saw it as an aspersion on his path.

After that night, George was never seen again, even his friends knew nothing about his whereabout. I was lonely and filled with resentment once again.

A week later whilst taking out the trash, I came across a strange bag. I thought it contained a dead animal as blood was gushing out. But behold it was 'a hand'. I was truly petrified as my eyes clung to a particular finger with a ring ; it was the same ring George always had on. I was furious!

A few days before my birthday which was never memorable, I decided to stand up to that demon Charles. I thought about the best way to destroy him but since he was an incorrigible Bastard, he didn't deserve anything extraordinary.

During our daily routines of Staring, I decided to take three knives along. As usual, he was ogling at my breasts like an animal and even as assertive as he was, he was oblivious of my sudden willingness to be obedient.

"Widen those legs, yes just like that. You look absolutely beautiful and yummy or don't you think so?" My head moved in an almost imperceptible nod as every question whether rhetorical or not....

Continue here

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Followin dear. More pls

IF ONLY SHE... Continuation

required a response.

And just as he was about to penetrate, I used two knives to stab his both legs, he was totally displeased! "Ah! Claudia, how dare you"

I guffawed at his remark as I held the last knife up "you're such a sadistic & perverted animal and I hope you rot in hell" his skin bristled with sweat and his face with grimace as I stabbed his groin with the last knife.


Letter for Mum
Hi mother, I never understood how you could be so naive and impervious of everything that went on around you. Your devil of a partner Charles you brought in four years ago managed to ruin my life.
I've been a sex slave for months & a stoic for years but you never noticed!
If only you listened to me, things would be different. I already reported him to the police and I don't hope to see either of you soon.
Live well
Claudia.

I scooted off immediately on foot. I had no idea where I was headed but this was my best form of escape.




If only she listened to me..

Continuation of 'if only she'

SCARS

A scar simply means you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you.


I open my eyes wondering why I feel so languid, I remember being injected by a hideous looking lady. I peer around and notice I'm surrounded by insane people, I know I don't belong here.
I'm clearly separated from the rest of the people in the room and then I let out a loud cry


"Get me out of here, I don't want to be here! I want him, only him!!"..

8 months earlier..
"Are you Claudia Micheals?" The middle aged manager, tall and plump but clearly very serious minded asked me "Yes sir, I'm Claudia" I replied demurely.
"Call me Ben, do you have any experience working at a bar or rather being a waitress?"
"Not really, I helped clean sometimes at a certain bar but I'm totally open to learn"
"Alright then, lovetth lovetth!" He screamed. A girl of average height who happened to be a waitress as well answered to Ben's call.
"Yes Ben, what's up?" As she drew closer, I notice she's light skinned, pretty and quite scrawny. She had on a pair of jeans and a shirt which has Richardson's bar boldly written on it.
"This is Claudia, she's new and I need you to teach her the tricks of the business". He said scribbling something on a book.
"Alright, no problem. Is that all Ben?"
"Yes for now, thank you. Tell Jacob to work on the gents, there seems to be a problem over there".
"Okay then" she replied and turned to me "Claudia right? I'm lovetth, come with me I'll show you around.


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Unbeknownst to me, starting a new life with new people in a new environment was arduous. Living itself was difficult.
With time, lovetth and I became good friends and since I was gullible, she easily persuaded me to move in with her.

Lovetth who was an only child lived with her parents and had a loving home, it was impossible to be covetous of such happiness which lingered in the home. George, her father was tall, dark and handsome. He was about 45 but could be easily mistaken for a guy in college, he was very kind. Jana, her mother who was of average height, light skinned and undeniably beautiful was wonderful, lovetth's beauty wasn't far fetched.
Compared to lovetth, at almost 20 I looked like a full grown woman. I was unarguably voluptuous and attractive, I was often complimented with having an ethereal beauty which often made me quite narcissistic.

I decided to keep my past from my new found home particularly because I was scared of being judged or treated awkwardly. It was a grievous mistake as I should have attended therapy for the abuse and a lot more..

After four months, I chose to find a small apartment with what I earned from the bar. Even though they never complained, I knew I was becoming a burden.

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I was feted by my new family on my 20th birthday, it was the best surprise I ever had. I felt peace for the first time since my father abandoned my mother and I.
Her father George was particularly extremely nice that day. Asides from his flair for parties, according to lovetth, he put major attention into the organization of mine. I was truly grateful.

I still felt comfortable in lovetth's home so I crashed on the couch having in mind that I had to clear up the whole mess by morning.
After a few hours, I found myself moaning in pleasure as I was awoken by a huge hand cupping my left breast, I open my eyes and see George who sounds drunk but looks totally sane. "Just this one time Claudia, just this once". I remained mute while I tried to understand why my body reacted to his touch, I began to speak "But...Geor..
As he manages to slide two fingers into me, I resolve my thinking and follow my body. He leans in and presses his lips against mine and I wrap my arms around his neck to erase any distance left. We whirl and oscillate in raving passion all through the night.

George was distinctly gentle and for once, I felt like a woman. I was exhilarated by that night and my life changed...

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It was the best month of my life as I worked with gusto at the bar. I was beguiled by George's sweet words and charm, not to forget his good looks and gorgeous build. We made love everywhere. The kitchen, the couch, the bedroom, in the shower, in his car, at the bar's restroom, anywhere we could. It was an impetuous experience.

After another episode of our love making at my house, I decided to take a bold step "my love, why don't we get married?" I asked.
He let out a surprising guffaw and I look at him confounded "but what's amusing now?"
"The idea of course" he says putting on his clothes.
"But I'm serious. We love each other, you've complained countlessly how boring Jana is, so what's stopping us?"
"Hold on Claudia" he continues as he turns to me "This has been an amazing adventure but you're a young girl Claudia, with prospects at that. I might have a boring sex life but I still love Jana tremendously."
Inwardly, I was seething at the mention of those words "So, this meant nothing to you? I'm just a fling to you?"

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"Yes baby" he says as he draws closer "but it was definitely worth it, I think we should stop now though. I mean move on, meet new people, you might just find that great guy you know." His words caused bile to rise in my throat as I hold back my tears while he continues "Alright Claudia, sure you had fun as well. Have a great life ahead"
Those were his last words which kept echoing in my head. Words that tore my heart and ripped me into pieces. I simply couldn't live without him, he was the best man I knew.

"My soul bleeding, tears of anguish"
Katie Macalister

After two weeks of texting, calling, sending pictures and begging, he finally visited me.
"Oh my love, you showed up. I knew you would" I said as I held on tightly to his groin. I saw him groan but not in pleasure but with revulsion.
"Stop Claudia! We need to stop this" he says moving away
"Stop what my love?" I say as I begin taking off my clothes.
"goodness! What the hell are you doing?"
"Oh wow, someone is rather cranky today. You always loved me without clothes, I mean exhibitionism was always our thing and I know you want this"


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"I'm serious Claudia, I'm tired. You can't keep texting and sending those naked pictures, Jana almost got a hold of them the other day, you need to get a grip"
"And so what huh? I should be your wife not Jana! We love each other" I say drawing closer to him
"Why don't you understand? I don't love you"
"That's a lie George, you do! You always screamed and confessed it all the time we made love."
"That happened in the moment, I'm sorry. This can't keep going on"
"Is that your best form at euphemism? Is that supposed to soothe my pain or longing for you? I need your touch, I need to feel your breath on my skin George. I need you inside me Pleaseeee, okay just for a few minutes" I watch as his lips curl in disdain "alright, I can take three minutes, it'll be fast and short."
"Such a fucking nympho!" He said as he pushed me against the couch.
"Touché baby, I know you want me. Quit playing hard to get"
"Claudia! I'm warning you, stay away from my family and I. Get a grip already!"
"Now you treat me like a pariah? How lovely!"
"Stay away Claudia, stay away!" And he walked out of my house and out of my life, for good.

I was abandoned, left alone to pick up the pieces of my life. I wept and wept until I had no strength to continue.


Unbeknownst to me, a few weeks later, I found out George told Lovetth lies about me or rather about our affair thereby leaving out lots of details. He was such a roguish fellow.

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"Never thought you could be so heinous, you always appeared so demure and lovable. You're so cruel for trying to break my family. It's not a surprise you have none." Lovetth affirmed at the bar.
"How convenient for you to talk when you know nothing"
"Oh I know a lot! A whole lot you pretentious goody two shoes! I know we gave you shelter, food, clothing, a better life and you still tried seducing my father"
"He had the guts to tell you all of that? Don't you realize your father is malign? He made the first attempt and just so you know, we're in love!
"Oh shutup you bitch! Let's see how far you go. By the way, Ben wants to see you at his office right now."


"You had better eat something unless you'd die sooner than expected you psycho" the hideous looking lady who injects me says as she drops my supposedly dinner on my bed and I begin nibbling on it...


Few weeks earlier..
I've lost my job and behind on my rent, all thanks to lovetth. I have very little savings which is meant for college and I have no family or friends to borrow from. I'm completely ruined ; all because of George.

The scars you can't see are the hardest to heal..

Jana still calls once in a while so I'm absolutely sure no one bothered to tell her about my affair with George. I'm still rueful over being dumped by George and I still can't get him out of my mind.

I decide to let go or didn't I ?

I put school on hold and apply for jobs in a different neighborhood, I still visit Jana at the house, but only when she's alone. I used the opportunity to inhale George's clothes

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He smelt the same, just how I liked it. Jana was always occupied with her job to notice whatever was wrong.
"I have this surgery tomorrow and it's all I can think of' she said to me while making coffee.
"You've always been great at your job, I'm sure you'll do great"
"Thanks dear, you're such a sweet girl"
"Anytime Jana, can I use the restroom?"
"How can you ask to use the restroom when it's also your home? Find your way young lady"
After using the restroom, I hug Jana and hurry back home with a smug all over my face.

You can forget the pain, but the scars would remind you.

I get a new job and I decide to pay my former home a visit. The entrance is unlocked as I twist the doorknob
"Hello lovetth" I say smiling.
"What do you want here? She retorted.
"What do you mean? I came to pay my bestfriend, I mean my ex bestfriend a visit. Oh wow! you look so pale, your leg looks really bad. Shouldn't you be at the hospital?"
"Are you here to mock me or what?"
"Mock you? Why would I? I've had my fair share of horrible things you know and where's George by the way?" I ask getting comfortable on the couch.
"He went to get medications" she said coughing in pain.
"And Jana? How is she?"
"Not well, she's depressed and slowly losing her mind"
"Oh that's quite pitiful, didn't know it'll be that bad"


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"That bad? Who told you about her health? My father?"
"George? Hell no! He wouldn't even speak to me. I came to render some assistance...
"You knew about all we were going through before now, didn't you? Were you spying on us?"
"Oh my scrawny lovetth, if I knew stupidity came with accidents, I'd have killed you instead. I can't stand all these questions" I say standing up to get a glass of water and a knife from the kitchen.
"You did this to me Claudia?" She cries out.
"Of course dummy and every other thing that has happened to your family. Let's say I learnt a lot being a stoic & a sex slave for years.." I pause feeling unassailable as George walks in.
"Oh my love, you're just in time for the party" I say with my eyes fixated to his groin.
"Why are you here Claudia? Didn't I warn you to stay away from my family?" He asks angrily.
"But why is everyone bad tempered today? I only came to see how you all were doing, can't I visit my family?" I ask.
"We're not your family Claudia!" Lovetth yells.
"Of course you are! Remember calling me sister sometime? I say itching my hair.

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I know you need money George, I can fix all of that. We can find you another job and and and get married and have our own kids running around playing in the garden.. I prattled "I'll always be here for you no matter how much you humiliate and reject me my love"
"What are you talking about and how do you know I'm without a job?" He asks bitterly.
"Ugggggggg" I yell hitting the glass in my hand against the wall "I did it all, I did everything. I exchanged Jana's pack of Buspirone anxiety pills for some other good looking pills. Hahaha, I put Rohypnol, Viagra and barbiturates and they sure worked perfectly fine. I know she always takes a couple before every surgery and I'm sure she was suspended for ineptitude. Oh my dear George, sincerely, all I did was ruin some of your clothing designs, I needed to ravage your career a bit, I needed you to be helpless and jobless. I hope you weren't too devastated...
"Why Claudia? Why?" Lovetth cries out in pain
"Are you really asking why? I lost my job, my home and even put college on hold all because of you lovetth. You had better be quiet and glad since I only tampered with your brakes"
"Claudia, get out of my house right now, you've done enough, get the hell out" George says about to pick up the phone.
"Don't you dare dial that number or I'll cut off your little girl's leg" I say licking the knife in my hand.

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"Please Claudia, take it easy. It doesn't have to result to violence. We can work things out"
"Awwww, how pitiful. Do you remember how I begged you to be inside me for just a few minutes?" I say drawing closer to him "Are you ready to make love to me here? Right in front of lovetth, I need you to yell in ecstasy just the way you used to, I need you to tell the whole world how much you can't do without me"
"You're insane Claudia, you're insane" he says.
"You drove me insane my love, don't you realize I did all these for you? All these for your caresses and your kisses and your...

A wound may heal but scars are forever.


"It was a wise decision to call us but may I ask a few questions Mr George?"Officer Silva says
"It's no bother officer"
"Who was she to you? Was she armed?
"She was my daughter's friend, and my lover, an obsessed lover. She'd have killed us with the knife if my wife Jana didn't hit her with the flower vase...

She wore her scars as her best attire

"here's your breakfast psycho" the hideous lady says dropping my food on the table.
"has George been here to see me yet? Please let me know, I need to know, I need him desperately, please answer" I cry out.
She comes closer and replies "no one visits you psycho"
With loathing, I spit at her face and she wipes it off swiftly and with that I know my hell just begun.

Every scar tells a story.

Scars by James Bay.



Note: Therapy is very important for every child who goes through sexual abuse or assault.


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