I'm not a comedian but I wanna start posting some posts that got me laughing holding my balls on here!

One Chinese guy at super market, he doesn't know how to say chicken and he grabbed an egg and asked cashier. where is mother.

Job interview in a psychiatry:
So you’re interested in working with us. What is your experience with mentally disturbed people?
-
I’ve been on Nairaland for 5 years now.
-
Very good, the job is yours

One day, My comment will be FTC. My college teacher mrs ada told me " You will never get the top in your life "
Really

GUYS! If you are dating a beautiful girl, justknow that a minimum of 3 guys per day tries their luck on her, which makes 21 guys per week, 84 guys per month, 1008 guys per year...Now tell me, can your girlfriend say NO 1008 times??Hmmmm

Yea right

Hi guys. I am so happy and proud of myself and I thought I should share this with you!!! Today I saw myself on TV, when I turned it off

Two terrorists having discussion in a bar.
The waiter asks them what the discussion was about?
Terrorist :- We are planning to kill 14 thousand people and a donkey..
Waiter :- Why a donkey?
Then one terrorist says to the other,"See I told you nobody will care about the 14 thousand people"

I need some advice guys. recently my gf has been receiving too many calls during very odd hours of the night. She has also been coming home very late saying that she was at a team building meeting at work..i called her boss and he said they've not had any such meeting for the past month. so yesterday when she said she was going for a team building meeting i followed her on my motorbike after two blocks a guy stopped his car hugged her and opened his car door for her. i was watching all that from a distance so they wouldn't see me.when they finally drove off i tried to start my bike to follow them but it couldn't start. what could the problem be guys. The clutch ? Engine? Petrol? Plug? I'm so worried about my bike

Attention please:
Today is December 29, 2016
29 + 12 + 16 = 57
Its the 21st century:
21 x 57 = 1197
Now we add the two Numbers:
1197 + 2016 = 3213
As you can see this number has no meaning at all.
Thanks for your attention.

This Saturday 31st December I'll be having a braii at home. I'll get some drinks, goat meat, some chicken and pork. If u are free and think it's a good idea u should also do the same at your house.

Guys.. My mom said if don't stop using Facebook she will crush my face on the keyboard but shes not around and is ahhebbfkfooeuuehndjf djiaueui2935 fieoowbdhodofifnfbwo

1) I woke up.
2) Went to school.
3) I saw her.
4) I ran to her and hugged her.
5) I kissed her.
actually, the right order is 2,3,4,5,1

u try

Nice one....

9ce writeup bro

Yesterday I was told the prize of clothes when I entered a boutique, then I realized that our ancestors who walked around naked weren't mad.......

Two guys are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, "I slept with your mother!" The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other man will do. The first man again yells, "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!" The other man says, "Go home, dad. You’re drunk."

AvsGot007:
Job interview in a psychiatry:
So you’re interested in working with us. What is your experience with mentally disturbed people?
-
I’ve been on Nairaland for 5 years now.
-
Very good, the job is yours

see this one ooooo..is seun included #lipseal

AvsGot007:
Guys.. My mom said if don't stop using Facebook she will crush my face on the keyboard but shes not around and is ahhebbfkfooeuuehndjf djiaueui2935 fieoowbdhodofifnfbwo

lol..she finally crush ya face..was she hiding inside d wardrobe b4

Lolz funny

nice one

That Awkward Moment when the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow.

Yesterday a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water. # Alwayshelp .

Racism is when you select your white clothes to wash before black clothes. Say no to racism, wash them together

Employee: Sir, you called me?
Boss: Yeah, go to the rest room and masturbate.
Employee: (Few minutes later) Done sir.
Boss: Do is again.
Employee: Done again, sir.
Boss: Do it once more.
Employee: Now I don't have stamina for that, sir.
Boss: Very good! Here are my car keys, drop my daughter at home!

A student went to library and asked for a book on suicide the librarian stares at him and said whos gonna bring it back.......

I stopped smoking weed, after spending 15 minutes searching for my phone under my bed.. While using my phone's flash light..

Once, when my mom asked me where I'm going ?
I told her," it's none of your business"
Bro we laughed a lot together... and nowadays I still looking for my teeth into my room.