Most of the reports and campaigns on domestic violence tend to focus on the effects rather than addressing the cause (s)---little wonder it's on the increase rather than decline.

All reported cases of domestic violence against women are usually greeted with ambivalence, from the following categories of people;

1. The men who are guilty but trying to justify their actions.
2. Staunch Feminists who enjoys any article that is anti-men and,
3.The indifferent class who believes that "it all depends".

First, let me make it clear that I condemn domestic violence in all its forms. Surprisingly as an activist, I seldom take up cases of domestic violence because of the DOMESTIC in it. Just before you accuse me of male chauvinism, I have prosecuted more cases of oppression and rights violation against women (pro bono) than I have done for men.

Now let's examine the role of women in encouraging domestic violence, perhaps inadvertently.

Admittedly, men are mostly the culprits in about 80% of reported cases of domestic violence and other forms of violence against women but come to think of it, these men did not fall from the sky. They are our brothers, sons, cousins and nephews!

How many mothers, sisters, really care to know how their sons, brothers, cousins and nephews treat their wife or wives as the case may be?

Do you even listen to these women who are your daughters in-law, sisters in -law, cousin's wife and nephew's wife without sentiments?

Do you see them suffering in the hands of these men(your relations) and decide to play the ostrich?

As a mother why would you want to manage your house and also decide how your son's house should be managed, yet you fight anybody that disturbs your daughter in her husband's house?

There's no gainsaying that most brides are even more scared of the presence of mother in-laws and sincerely wished none existed. A mother in-law knows that her son is a wife beater but would rather blame the poor wife for her son's behavior than cautioning her son. I have had reports of sisters in-law who went to their brother's house to beat up the wife and throw her things out.

Today I charge women to first examine themselves and wake up to tackle violence against fellow women with sincerity of purpose first before carrying placards.

Let's even digress and look a women's inhumanity to fellow women who suddenly become widows! The horror called widowhood rites is supervised by none other than fellow women. Widows are subjected to so many degrading and humiliating procedures during and after the funeral rites of her deceased husband. This inhumanity is meted out by fellow women under the guise of tradition.

Surprisingly, the men do not take part and actually do frown at the gross abuse. The umuada(as they are called in Igboland) actually take it upon themselves to "punish" these widows by putting them through excruciating traditional rites that cause them MORE HARM and NO GOOD. Not many of the widows survive this preposterous practice thereafter.

Finally, both boys and girls grow under the tutelage of their mother up until adulthood before getting married.
So, I call on all mothers to go back to the drawing board and start now to fixing your son on how to become a better husband, and your daughter on how to become a wife her husband would adore rather than abuse.

Tell your sons the truth and stop shying away from the reality because that your daughter in-law is someone's daughter and your daughter will be someone's wife someday.

A responsible child raised by a responsible mother is the panacea for domestic violence.