“I loved my new Church! It was vibrant and exciting to attend service, even weekdays. The Pastor was a talented and charismatic singer cum speaker, the Church was growing and impacting the community, and I felt so blessed to be a part of it all!
We had just relocated to Lagos because my husband was transferred from Port Harcourt to start a new job here. I was still in search of a new job when my husband suddenly changed his behavior towards me. He stayed late nights and rarely talked with me whenever he was at home.
I approached him and asked how I had offended him so I can beg for his forgiveness; he just kept quiet and walked out on me.
I knew no one in Lagos, except the new Church. So, I had to turn to the Church to take away the worry from my heart. I got involved in my new Church. And it didn’t take long before I was participating in many different aspects of ministry, such as heading up the nursery program, planning retreats for the ladies and even preaching and teaching occasionally when called on.
During this time I developed a close relationship with my Pastor and his wife, among others in the Church body. We would all get together after the Sunday service and go to an eatery or their home, enjoying lively conversation and Christian companionship.
There were many times when I would call my husband just before we went, to see if he minded my going. I could hear in his voice that he just wanted me to stay with them – if possible, forever!
Well, as time progressed, I found that I received enormous pleasure and acceptance in my relationship with the Pastor. He became a close friend and mentor and I found myself flattered by his attention and friendship, feeling a type of approval that I had never known.
We began talking on the phone regularly, expanding our relationship beyond the usual get-together with our mutual friends.
Then, there came a turning point one July afternoon. My little boy was napping and I was having my daily phone conversation with the Pastor, when he stepped over the line.
He revealed his interest in me as more than just a friend – he wanted me to be his ‘side chick’! He dug all sorts of scriptural references from the Old Testament why it wasn’t a sin!
So, I gave in and that began the bittersweet season of our lives.
This romantic involvement quickly progressed to an ugly, out-of-control situation, involving my husband and the entire Church. A month or two later, the secret love was growing but I don’t know how the Church got to know!
As you can imagine, my husband was furious when he got to know and after I had confessed to him and pleaded for his forgiveness. He was hesitant but his only consolation was that nothing had happened sexually between the Pastor and me.
Really, the Pastor tried every to start having sex with me the first day we met at our rendezvous; I don’t know how I held still but that was my ‘saving grace’ but if we hadn’t been found out, I knew my resistance would have surely been broken one day.
And believe it or not, it was around this time that my husband became my best friend when I broke down in tears, lamenting that it was his ‘neglect’ that drove me into it!
Trust Nigerians, as blame, accusations and rumors were being tossed around town like hand grenades, but I don’t know how God transformed my husband as he was a shelter for me, becoming a steady source of comfort and forgiveness.
Since then, he is my best friend and closest companion!”

In hindsight, I see three major safeguards that I bypassed. If you, like me, find yourself tempted by a too-close friendship with a man (not necessarily by your Pastors) other than your husband – I believe the following safeguards may be helpful:

1. Trust Your Husband’s Judgment: God intended that my husband would be so much more then “My Other Half.” He is my protector, many times seeing another man’s unrighteous intentions long before I do. He was never comfortable with my close friendship with the Pastor, and while I felt it was OK because it was under the guise of “Church,” he was always wary. Men know how other men operate, just like women know how other women operate; so, trust your man’s judgment!

2. In Transparency There Can Be Restoration: Restoration could only come when I became completely honest with my husband, bringing the whole, ugly situation out into the light. And now, if I ever find myself becoming secretive or evasive, I know it’s time to tell him all that’s going on in my life. Make no mistake, however - the path of restoration was a long and difficult one. It began as I sought out several mature Christian women (women who did not attend the same Church as I had, and so had not been hurt personally by the whole affair) to pray for me and offer me their wise counsel. This prayer time, in conjunction with a determined effort to put my attention on my home and husband, began a healing process that eventually resulted in a restored and happy marriage.

3. There Is Safety In Accountability: One of the greatest ploys of the devil is to divide and separate us from the rest of the body of Christ. As I entered into this romantic friendship with my Pastor, I became more and more secretive and isolated, no longer making myself accountable to my close friends. This is exactly why it is so important to keep a network of good Christian friends that are allowed access into our lives – trustworthy girlfriends that we can pray with and tell absolutely anything too.

Trust, Transparency and Accountability – the safeguards for a happy marriage!
God bless you.

By Kingsley Ugo Okenwa

eiyaa

Nice#

Is this fiction or reality?

NICE WRITE-UP

Hoe!