-ITS A MUST READ FOR ALL FATHERS! (and mothers too!)

Take your time and read through.
1. In the lifetime of most Nigerian family settings, there are 3 Dispensations of Power.
2. The 1st is the first 25 years in the life of the family (father, mother, children) where power indisputably rest with the father.
3. The 2nd is after the kids have grown & started working when the power shifts to the mother.
4. The 3rd is when the kids move out of the family house or start their own families when the power moves to the children.
6. We'll start from the 1st Dispensation. Total dominance of the father. He is the Lion of the Tribe of his House. The boss.
7. During this dispensation, the father rules with an iron fist. He barks orders & determines what does or does not happen.
8. The father often mettes out corporal punishment to the recalcitrant children. They grow to fear him more than they love him.
10. The father is the provider for the family & everyone is aware of that fact with all attendant consequences.
11. Then the 2nd Dispensation sets in. The children have finished school and have started working. Power shifts to the mother.
12. When the children start earning their own money, for some reason, it's their mothers they decide to look after. They are closer to her.
13. While the father was in charge, he was busy with the business of providing. He didn't have much time to be a friend to the children.
14. They spent more time with their mum and invariably grew closer to her. They also see their mum as co-victims of the father's tyranny.
15. The mother takes centre stage at this point. She is the first to know what's happening with the children & she has advantage.
16. Should any of the daughters give birth, she is the one that goes for babysitting and the children spoil her with gifts.
17. At this stage, the father is wishing for some bond with the children like they have with their mother but that boat has sailed.
18. Because the mother doesn't rely much on the father for her needs at this stage, she is less likely to tolerate his lordship. Friction.
19. Then the 3rd and last dispensation. Power has shifted to the children. They are self-sufficient, live on their own & have own families.
20. More often than not, whenever there is a quarrel between father & mother, the children side the mother.Years of joint-victimhood at play
21. Children have been known to come to the house to warn their father not to 'disturb' their mother. Next thing, extended visitations.
22. Woe betide the father if his finances are precarious at this stage. You will be humble by force. The gang-up is real.
23. This causes most men to fall ill & develop different complications. By the time the forces are arrayed against you, you will think well.
24. Stroke, Hypertension, High-Blood Pressure. The man has a large family but no relationship with them in later life. Troubling thought.
25. Moral, dear men, while the power lies with us, let us wield it with posterity in mind. It won't be with us forever.
26. With the way you are treating your wife now, how will she treat you when power shifts to her?
27. What relationship do you have with your family? Loving dad or despotic, tyrannical provider?
28. Remember, the children always side with their mother. Aim to do enough to at least get a fair hearing in future moments of family strife
30. Invest wisely for the future so that you won't have to beg to be taken care of if despite your best efforts, you find yourself alone.
ADVISE TO CHILDREN:- IT IS NOT GOOD TO ABANDON YOUR FATHER WHO DENIED HIMSELF TO GET YOU PREPARED FOR LIFE & WHO SACRIFICIALLY SOWED TO MAKE YOU WHO YOU ARE. HONOR YOUR BOTH PARENTS AND TAKE GOOD CARE OF THEM IN THEIR OLD AGE. THAT IS HOW YOU TOO WILL SOW INTO YOUR FUTURE. DON'T LET NEGLECTING YOUR FATHER (PARENTS ) BE A CURSE ON YOU INTO YOUR FUTURE.
ADVISE TO MOTHERS :- DON'T INCITE YOUR CHILDREN AGAINST THEIR FATHER
*Parenthood is not easy despite its joys. There is no manual on how it works. May God help us to make the best of a really tough job.

I must say you've done a great job putting this together. Although there would be times you'll still have to play the bad guy in the family, you can always hope and pray your child someday realises your tough love. .

That fathers work take them out of town or homedoesn't make their children not care for them after all we have industrious mothers who still come home and bond with their kids after a hard day at work or shop. What stops dads from doing same? When a man acts like king even to his own kids, he has his no own plate, spoon, chair, cup etc and no one not even his wife dare use his things without regreting it. He sees it as a mark of dissrespect if they touch his stuff
He is not worried they may destrly it, je just waats them to know that he is boss in his house.(Dont get me wrong, that a woman keeps a special plate or stuff for her husband doesnt mean the man is bossy but for him to make it a rule, punish them for breaking his rule and bitching about how disrespectful they are makes it messy)what kind of bond would such a father have with his kids?
Also, because children see or hear about their father's treating their mothers like second class person. Making her sweat to keep the home united, leaving her responsible for any chore in the home front. We have dads who don't lift a finger in childcare or domestic duties. They see bonding with their kids as a big no no. Those are the types of dads who find out at old age, that their kids seem like strangers to them.
Thank God the era of such super sensitive dads is slowly passing. Now men are spending time with their kids, openly showing love and hopefully treating their dutiful wives with love and respect. Kids love their dads as much as they love their moms these days o.

Because the mother doesn't rely much on the father for her needs at this stage, she is less likely to tolerate his lordship. Friction.

1)The above is an excerpt from the post . If you're that man, who is respected by his wife and kids only because of money_ check yourself bro, you're getting it all wrong. The belief that a man only has to provide to be seen as the 'Lord' has ruined the Nigerian family system. Sadly some men are still stuck on this belief. Being a good dad or husband goes beyond providing money...being a good wife goes beyond cooking and cleaning. Be the best and all you can be to your spouse/kids...

2)It's mostly on Nairaland I see people making it look like women lazy at home and instigate kids against their dads .Women work, bond with their kids ,handle the home and other room. It's here I read that taking care of the kids while your wife makes her hair is a sign of weakness. With this kind of mentality, what do you expect?
Kids are sensitive. If you're a good dad_ they know!
If you bond with them, they'll bond with you.
Enough of this work-work-work excuse. Create time for your family. Maintain the work-family balance!!!

3)No, it's not wives killing some men but the evil they do. Some men act without any care in the world when they're young with plenty cash. Then they get frail and broke, come back to the ever forgiving wife and expect the woman to start cooking special diets to boost their ailing health. When they were jumping about saying men are polygamous, they didn't know.
Old age awaits all of you( including the ones on NL) your kids are watching.


Please, leave women out of it.
Kids are not blind, they see and feel every. Except in the case where the man is totally absent, I see no reason why he can't bond and make an impact whenever he is around.

Sweet Lord, let future generations have more sense.
Now, if there is any woman guilty of these charges, change or else_ your judgement would be special.
To the awesome dads_ we see you, we appreciate you and we love you.

I think most men have accepted the cold harsh reality that fatherhood is a thankless job. We'll keep striving to do the best for our kids and when they turn out fine, excellent, that's enough satisfaction for some of us. The moms can take all the credit, no probs.

KevinDein:
I think most men have accepted the cold harsh reality that fatherhood is a thankless job. We'll keep striving to do the best for our kids and when they turn out fine, excellent, that's enough satisfaction for some of us. The moms can take all the credit, no probs.

Fatherhood is bonding with your kids. Not just providing money for them. It s just like a mother saying providing food, clothes and bathingbtheir kids is all they have to do as mothers. You guys should stop blaming women. Women bond with their kids on a level dads don't. That is why the kids are closer to moms. Believe me, if a dad bonds with his kids, even if he sees that kid once in a year, the kid would still love him to pieces. As long as he spends the days he has with the child, bonding.
A mother who is detatcjed from her child emotionally, even if she does all a that providing, cleaning and feeding stuff, it doesn't make the child love her automatically. You guys should use your own selves as examples, which parentbdo you love most and why? That should give you the answer to why a child may lovee a mother more than a good providing dad who was never emotionally involved with the child. Please lelts stop the bias of we keep acting ignorant and follow the trend of I provide money what else do you want? Then the trend of kids seeing dads as strangers would continue. Lets tell ourselves the truth without sentiment against women as Nigerian men always do. Misbehave to wives and kids when they are young because they are "feeding" them and that is the critical time kids emotions get imprinted.
I have even seen kids bond with bad moms more than they do with good dads, because, the bad moms devote time to emotionally bond with those kids, even if it is leading them astray.
Things they saw, heard, learnt gets imprinted at that tender age. If you use that time to show dominance, detatch yourself from home etc, the kids would just block you out and mom would try to fill in the gap by loving them some more. Then when they start growing older, you decide to calm down but they have already painted a picture of you in their hearts, they have already bonded with themselves andnthe one parent they feel cares for them emotionally, then you start complaining of how kids treat dads as strangers.
OP has advised, but many men would still blame the women for the problem.
All in all, there are times a dad would do all he can yet the kids would still dispose him because he does not support their attitude or their chosen career etc it happens but it shouldn't be the norm.

KevinDein:
I think most men have accepted the cold harsh reality that fatherhood is a thankless job. We'll keep striving to do the best for our kids and when they turn out fine, excellent, that's enough satisfaction for some of us. The moms can take all the credit, no probs.

Fatherhood isn't a thankless job, i don't know why some people assume that, i heard from my siblings that my dad was a dictator, to me he was doing what God expected of him in certain situations and they've grown to understand that in one way or the other he affected their lives positively even more than my pampering mum did...he was a provider and a protector of his offspring.

I miss that man and love them both.

Why do we feel children are so dumb, and stupid not to know what's going on in their families?
Why do we feel that a child who sees his father beat his mother, goes about drunk and doesn't bother with their feeding and kids school fees which only gets paid when the mother runs around town looking for money will need to be incited to dislike his father?

Some of us love our fathers, without been prompted by our mothers. Infact, most females have a softer spot for their responsible fathers than their mothers. Decent fathers are usually understanding, always ready to bail you out. Mothers ask too many questions and are too nosy, atimes even judgemental/ controlling even if they will still end up bailing you out.

As you lay your bed, so you lie on it.

Were you there for your children while they were growing up or you always pushed them to their mothers?
Women in Nigeria have always been co providers and at the same time home makers.
The idea that the father's role is just provider is obsolete, and not in tune with the economic situations for decades now.
Men need to start living in the present reality that its not enough to pay house rent.
Can your 4year old child shout and call you from the toilet that daddy, I've finished poopooing? Meaning, come and clean me up? Do you have that kind of bond with your child, or you feel you're above cleaning your child's poo? If you're above such basic child care provision, why then are you surprised that the child decides to care for his mother more when he's grown?

Certain things are imprinted in a child's mind, subconsciously at a very young age. That includes knowing the person who really looks after them, and watches their back.