The argument had reached a crescendo as i walked to the entrance of the female ward of the Lagos State University Teaching Hospital (LUTH). The mother-in-law was accusing her son-in-law of wickedness and insensitivity while he in turn replied that he had no apologies and he would well do whatever he liked with his money irrespective of his wife's health condition.

I had gone to LUTH with my friend Tilewa whose aunt just had a baby and her ward was a kaleidoscope of the sheer challenges of being a woman.Anyway, i had to ask about the argument at the ward entrance and i gathered that the woman with the condition was a beautiful tall lady in her late 20's. She had just had a baby at a traditional birth attendant's clinic and had suffered Recto and Vesico Vagina Fistula (i had to google that sharperly). Moderately educated,when she walked past you you had to hold your nose for the sheer stench. The argument at the ward entrance was about whether he (the husband) would provide N500,000 to repair her and halt the incontinence.

As Tile and i made move to receive an aunt of her's at the entrance of the ward, the man and his mother-in-law continued the tirade and i slowly stopped to do amebo and was taken aback when the man calmly looking his mother-in-law straight in the eye said "instead of spending all that money for the surgery, i will use the money to marry another wife.

Oh the lot of a woman! I was truly petrified.

But not as petrified as i was when Tile's aunt whom we went to receive was telling us about an incident at another specialist hospital when a man whose wife was gravely ill turned up with an unusual item. He had been asked to buy life-saving drugs for his wife and he returned with his relations and guess what? A coffin.

His wife was obviously still alive. I was reduced to a stutter when she concluded by saying that by evening the woman lost the battle to live. In comparison when a man is gravely ill, watch his wife....the lot of a woman

Roll back in history and we encounter the tale of a third woman.

This story was featured on our ever tale telling popular Newsline shown on NTA: The woman was heavily pregnant and in labour, she went to four hospitals which rejected her before arriving LUTH near comatose in the early hours of the morning. LUTH took her in and surgically removed the babies who were dead on arrival. All four of them died.

The trauma of losing four babies at once (even though she already had five) took it's toll physically and emotionally and her blood pressure shot up. Add this to her inability to pay her bills, consequent upon her financial position and you can only guess her turmoil. Her blood pressure was being managed and the drugs increased her bills. So why could she not pay? Her husband was a security man and could not afford the bills.Then, after a week, he stopped coming to visit.

Thankfully LUTH did a yeoman's job after some intervention,and many negotiations and released her one month later. Aah, the lot of a woman.

The tale of woman number four is a collective tale of the one who represents thousands of women worldwide whose husbands leave the hospital entrance because she has had a baby girl and he never returns.It is indeed unbelievable but it still happens.This quote by Noeleen Heyzer, United Nations Fund For Women director in 1996 says it all:

"Close your eyes and listen to the silence- that is the sound that accompanies the birth of a girl child in many countries.Contrast this with the sounds of joy and merriment at the birth of a male child".

Women continue to hold the short end of the stick healthwise and everywise. Safe motherhood is a real issue everyday and it should concern all of us.

How emotionally stable are women?

How many women have their husbands abandoned?

How many women have had post natal depression after birth?

How safe are women at childbirth?

The cold statistics are shocking. Let us hold up our women. They are the core of the nation.

I got it off a friend's Facebook wall. Truly poignant...

Hmmm! may we not fall in the hands of such men

Ishilove
Did this really happen?

izzou:


Ishilove
Did this really happen?

I should think so

hmm!
What a sad but true article to read.
Women in Nigeria and most countries in Africa are victims of Man's inhumanity.

Ishilove,
I do get tired of some "anti-male" posts as this. Callous of the man. Very.
...but at the Abuse Centre of same Teaching Hospital and LASUTH, slides are shown with statistics which prove that most head wounds on men were inflicted by women - with rising figures, as at 2016.
If you're married, do take your husband's blood pressure before, during and after pregnancy.

^^^A pained man up there, always trying to deflect from the topic.
Thinking every thing is a battle of sexes.


Sad reality @OP. Very wicked men...
One thing is common with the women portrayed in this post, they all didn't have their own money (neither did their family), leaving them at their husband's mercy.

As for the silence that follows the birth of a female child, I have seen it happen and it gets worse when the number of the female keeps increasing and no male in sight. I was gisting with a friend once and she said "**** done born o, she born via CS and the painful thing be say e come be girl". I gave her my mind, picked up my bag and left...since then, I can count how many times we have talked. I never knew she was that stupid.

Even females are involved in this shaming.
You can't please humans, so don't try.

PaperLace:
^^^A pained man up there, always trying to deflect from the topic.
Thinking every thing is a battle of sexes.

Life is a battle of sexes. Man and woman, woman and woman, man and man.

Ishilove:

I got it off a friend's Facebook wall. Truly poignant...

Firstly, I'd like to ask where the family of the first woman with VVF is? Can't they rally round and help their daughter out of the 'mess' she finds herself?

Second, same as the first.

Third, Sometimes I'm amazed why poor people always like causing problem for themselves. You and your husband have 5 kids, and you still went ahead to have another? When you guys know you're not well of financially? Come on.

And the last, such things we see. The family of that woman are full blown illiterate, for any who don't rejoice at the birth of a baby, whether male or female, is a full blown illiterate.

Frankly, I find this post a subtle way at show casing feminism. Whoever thinks women are the only one suffering is a clear feminist, and need to open his or her eyes.

PaperLace:
^^^A pained man up there, always trying to deflect from the topic.
Thinking every thing is a battle of sexes.


Sad reality @OP. Very wicked men...
One thing is common with the women portrayed in this post, they all didn't have their own money (neither did their family), leaving them at their husband's mercy.

As for the silence that follows the birth of a female child, I have seen it happen and it gets worse when the number of the female keeps increasing and no male in sight. I was gisting with a friend once and she said "**** done born o, she born via CS and the painful thing be say e come be girl". I gave her my mind, picked up my bag and left...since then, I can count how many times we have talked. I never knew she was that stupid.

Even females are involved in this shaming.
You can't please humans, so don't try.

You are so on point.

WHich is why we should intensify the message for women to have their own money and income

If you depend on anyone for a livelihood and worse if you deped on people for your health, you are at the mercy of their whims.

Any man who also depends on his wife for a livelihood will have a similar tale of woe to tell

Deep. Very deep. A lot of women suffer from vvf especially in the northern part of the country.

Women too should stop producing kids like pigs. We bear the burden most times. Labour pains is hell and post natal is something else.

No pain, PaperLace/Uboma...

I'm glad the OP only supposes the story is true. UniLag's TH and LASU's TH were mixed-up and I simply brought forth statistics from counselling, as the article ended with a reference to stats.
There's the male ward, female ward and children's. Those you wish had incomes are in the children's ward. It's a full hospital, pardon my looking at other sexes.
In case you missed this, the man was callous. He behaved like adults who will not donate blood to their children (of either sex).
I choose to see beyond what I'm shown.

avicky:
Deep. Very deep. A lot of women suffer from vvf especially in the northern part of the country.

Women too should stop producing kids like pigs. We bear the burden most times. Labour pains is hell and post natal is something else.

our Society and Religion gives little or no room for Women to make their own decisions/choices.


Women are at the receiving end....

uboma:



our Society and Religion gives little or no room for Women to make their own decisions/choices.


Women are at the receiving end....

I concur. That's a very apt description of womanhood today.

connkg:
Ishilove,
I do get tired of some "anti-male" posts as this. Callous of the man. Very.
...but at the Abuse Centre of same Teaching Hospital and LASUTH, slides are shown with statistics which prove that most head wounds on men were inflicted by women - with rising figures, as at 2016.
If you're married, do take your husband's blood pressure before, during and after pregnancy.

It is not anti-male, sir. It is what is happening out there

raumdeuter:
WHich is why we should intensify the message for women to have their own money and income

If you depend on anyone for a livelihood and worse if you deped on people for your health, you are at the mercy of their whims.

Any man who also depends on his wife for a livelihood will have a similar tale of woe to tell

Some men actually prefer their women to be full time housewives

uboma:



our Society and Religion gives little or no room for Women to make their own decisions/choices.


Women are at the receiving end....

In most cases women go to the same school as men, in most cases women choose these spouses for themselves

Ishilove:

Some men actually prefer their women to be full time housewives

Any woman who becomes a housewife is setting herself up for disaster.

Our grandmother's weren't even housewives they sold in the market, some made hair.

If a girl nowadays say the man wanted her to be a full time housewife and she agreed check most time she's lazy

This is not a societal problem. It's simply a case of bad judgement and unwise choices on the part of the women.

raumdeuter:


In most cases women go to the same school as men, in most cases women choose these spouses for themselves

Even at that, these women are given no room to make decisions regarding matters that affect their lives....

YourCoffin:
This is not a societal problem. It's simply a case of bad judgement and unwise choices on the part of the women.

I beg to disagree, Sir.

uboma:



I beg to disagree, Sir.

Present your case then

Did you read the story of a girl who had to flee her village because a bunch of aunties and grand mothers were determined to hack her privates in the name of circumcision?

My point is the disadvantage females face in our male dominated societies are many times reinforced by other females.

It is up to women to change this. Teach your boys from their childhood to respect women. Teach your boys from childhood to value the female child. Teach your boys from childhood and then society will change.

But as long as more boys are excused because boys will be boys, then......
As long as more women will enforce dehumanising practices on other women because "it is our culture", then......

Societal practices change slowly. But they only change if the group bearing the disadvantage push to force the change.