I brought the electric whisk to a stop and poured the foamy substance into the glass of flour and mixed well

I examined the titus fish cuts which I had allowed to thaw and had seasoned well. I started coating the cuts with the mixture and set my griller ready for the welcoming of the cuts.

I was going to make my son, Manny, some nice grilled fish cuts, pepper sauce and stone cold ice cream as he had always loved it.

I was particularly excited for my son as it was his last day at school that term and I had not been invited to his school for a misbehaviour or misconduct session against him. I was so happy!

For the five years my boy had spent in Aurelia College, Port Harcourt, I had had to appear before the disciplinary committee fourteen times and on those occasions, I had promised that my son would change. He will and will, I kept promising, yet the next semester, I would be summoned again.

But it was the fifteenth term and the last day of the term and he had not been caught doing anything bad nor has he had me dragged before the disciplinary committee. I was so glad!

Those times were very humiliating for me. I hear things like ‘Ma, as a Senior Advocate of Nigeria, it is a sad thing to have you brought here but Manny is not well mannered. He lacks home training! And he is your son!’
I had told Manny that when he drags himself in the mud, he drags my name and my reputation in the thick mud too!

I had had enough griefs because of my love for my son but I couldn’t give him up for adoption as many colleagues had counselled.

At last, he has lived up to my standard. He didn’t put me to shame this time around. Oh Manny! I love my Manny!
My phone started ringing and humming Ron Kenoly's I still have Joy, I walked excitedly into the sitting room to pick the call.

Unknown Number….who could this be?

“Hello…” I called out

“My honour ma, good morning. Your attention is needed at the Area Command Headquarters now” The voice said and I knew I couldn’t make it there to see any commissioner at that point. Not when my son would soon be coming back very soon.

“I can’t make it there right now. I am sorry” I said and was about to drop the phone when I heard the most heartbreaking news ever!

“Your son is here!”, followed by the familiar voice of my handsome, talented son call out loud, though shaky and laced with cries.

“Mummy!”

The phone dropped from my hand to the tiles and I saw as the screen got smashed into a cobweb design!

“Manny!” I exclaimed with so much grief as I wrapped my fists into balls, tears rushing into my eyes.

“Are these the joys of motherhood Lord?” I cried so much as if being tormented.

“So, while I thought my nightmares are over, they are just growing Lord! I was complaining of disciplinary committee but Manny is taking me to the Police Station!

Ah! Ah, my God!” I wept sore as I choked.
I fell against the wall and wept the more, slapping my thighs with such vexation

“How can my son be in the same cell with criminals that I am meant to judge? Why does love hurt this much Jesus?” I cried the more as I imagined the pain he was going through and how I would have to start apologising to whoever had had him arrested.

Fact is that Manny would be released to me if I go but what was the tendency that he wouldn’t make me cry another time? What certainty do I have? What?

I fell into a fit of cough as my heart grew weary, tears cascading down my face.

Suddenly, I cleaned my face and got my head tie, my purse and the car key from the top of the freezer I had dropped them when I came back from the market.

As I approached the door, I heard the beeping of my griller and rushed inside the kitchen. I brought out the well grilled, sizzling fish cuts out.

As I removed the oven hand gloves from my hands, I looked at the fish cuts and cried over it!

“Berry” I called out weakly after some time, my voice buried beneath the load of grief and my beautiful Boston Terrier dog came walking in, sadly too, sensing the mood of the room.

I brought my precious bowl down with the fish cuts, I bent beside Berry as the latter rubbed its furry black and white skin against mine, tears gathering in my eyes again.

“Manny’s done it again Berry! Berry’s disappointed me again! I am grieved!” I said, my eyeballs and the regions around it swelling sore.

“Eat to your feel Berry. Eat!” I said and stood up, picked my purse and car key and walked towards the door as Berry watched me go, wafting in the aroma of the sizzling delicacy before him.

-------

He had been beaten blue back when I got there!

“A multi million naira ring belonging to Honourable Ariyo was found in his bag this morning and according to Honourable Ariyo, a boy went to raid his house today after jumping the fence to gain entrance. ” The CCTV caught his image. It was Manny, your son, Your Lordship” The DPO told me and almost peed in my pants
Ring!

Honourable Ariyo- That unbelievable man who had made administration almost tough for me!

Jumping fence?!

“You can take him away with you when you are done but Honourable says he would love to have a word with you”
Word with me?

Words of compromise?

So that all the bad things he had been saying I should do but that I had always refused, I could do them using my son’s misconduct as a weapon and lose my salvation?...No!

“Why?” That was the only question I asked Manny
He smiled with hope as he looked at me- although tears streamed down his face.

“I knew you would come and deliver me mum. Mum, I hate this place! I have been tortured really bad!” He said and my heart ached.

“Why?” I asked again and he still smiled.

“Take me away from this place first mum, we will talk about it later.” He insisted and I shook my head.

Had this boy even learnt his lessons?

He only desired the freedom which after giving him, he would still go back to his vomit right? No!

I turned to the DPO and looked into his face.

“How many mouthed koboko did you use to beat him?” I asked.

“Seven ma!” He replied and my heart broke.

Seven!..Oh my God! That was too much!

“Make it fourteen!” I said anyways and the DPO’s eyes shone in shock.

“Add blades to the tip and give him enough lashes till he is sober. Call me then” I said and the DPO’s eyes dilated the more.

“Ma!” He exclaimed and I turned my back towards him and started going towards the door.

“Mum!” Manny called out loudly as I left but I kept going
I heard as the gate to the cell opened, I heard how he was being beaten! I heard them all but the tears could not let me look into Manny’s face again!

“Mum, you are really going? They are going to kill me! They are gonna do that mum. Mum!” He stressed the Mum as I could feel the koboko tear into his body.

I cringed and bent my head in grief!

What do I do next Lord? When would Manny stop breaking my heart? When would he stop dragging my name in the mud? What would he stop receiving painful scars from his enemies?

Oh how I wish I could get the assurance that he would repent and stop intentionally doing things that hurt me!
______

Painful right?

But that’s what obtains in the spiritual world, friend!
We like Manny keep promising the Spirit to help us not to do this and that and while even His help is just a stretch away, we go and do some horrible things with the mindset that He will come and save us!

We trust His power to deliver and neglect His feelings! We forget that He is Spirit but He feels!

Manny’s mum was grieved because she loved him! The Holy Spirit is grieved because He loves us! He loves us yet we take this love for granted!

Only love can grieve- the grief penetrates to the heart like a sword!

Hmmmmmm!....

Anyways, He isn’t that far away!

Just like Manny’s mum, he is just outside the police station, cringing and wincing with pain as he hears the blade-laden koboko of the DPO boys sinking into your body.

He only wants to be sure! He only wants to know if truly you’ve learnt your lessons!

He desires to make you delicious fish cuts instead of giving your portion to dogs!

He desires to know that any other day the Honourable Ariyo’s ring becomes tempting, instead of jumping his fence to steal it, you would walk freely to Him(The Spirit) and ask for whatever. If He feels it’s necessary, He will give you or if He finds it not needful, He will say No!
He also desires that you speak to him. When He convicts you and asks ‘why?’, He doesn’t want some overconfident answers or some excuses and complaints! He wants brokenness, contrite heart and repentance really!

He is not saying you can’t make faults or fall short of His standard. He is only saying, be quick to run to Him when mistakes occur!

Stop dragging his name in the mud and make some adversary laugh at Him and say ‘You’ve lost this one too!’

He has lost soooooo many children- He doesn’t want to lose you too!

He loves you and grieves when you err and remain erring!

If you love Him so much too, you will grieve when you err that you won’t want anymore hurts and that will prompt you to run into His open arms for a blessing embrace.
He is never tired of embracing erring Mannies who come back home!