Can Parents Be This Frustrating? - Family - Nairaland
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| Can Parents Be This Frustrating? by ShySteady(m): 4:56pm On Dec 15, 2009 |
Fellow Nairalanders, I am have been dating a lady of I love for the past three years during which we have always met with each other's family members, friends and relatives. We are both graduates. She visits me in the same compound I share with my parents (I live in a separate flat), and most times spends the weekend in my house with my parents being aware as well as her's. Then, I lost my job and things took a different dimension. First, I decided to upgrade myself by enrolling for ICAN but that didn't go down well with my parents as they decided I start working in the family business (which, to me should be a last resort as I don't want to be paid by them). Secondly, my parents have refused me leaving the town in search of a new job outside (they claim I will never leave their sight, being their first child). Thirdly and worst of it all; they have asked my fiance to leave me alone because they don't want their son to marry outside their tribe (total rubbish to me). My fiance is a very emotional person and has taken it as a personal issue as she has vowed never to come to my place again (she prefers we see outside especially in her house which I do not fancy). She has moved to Abuja where she just got a new job. Now, tell me, are my parents not supposed to encourage me to get a better job? And, why after three years, my fiance's tribe now matters most to them? I intend marrying her as aoon as I get another job. I need your advice on how to tackle this easy, yet tricky situation. Thanks.  |
| Re: Can Parents Be This Frustrating? by glo12(f): 5:02pm On Dec 15, 2009 |
my advice is for you to move out and search for a good job. Thats the most important thing for now. |
| Re: Can Parents Be This Frustrating? by r231(m): 5:06pm On Dec 15, 2009 |
why don't you try and look for a job where she is and move out from your parents hse |
| Re: Can Parents Be This Frustrating? by mrperfect(m): 5:08pm On Dec 15, 2009 |
Judging by your post lost of job ignited all these, When you get a decent Job everything will naturally fall in place. |
| Re: Can Parents Be This Frustrating? by stayclean1: 5:09pm On Dec 15, 2009 |
Better still, you can start your own business since family business doesn't appeal to you. You can do something along the same business they do. I am sure that will help, and it will give you the freedom to move wherever you want. |
| Re: Can Parents Be This Frustrating? by ruskiee(m): 5:15pm On Dec 15, 2009 |
Live for the moment. Your life. Your choice. |
| Re: Can Parents Be This Frustrating? by yme1(f): 6:30pm On Dec 15, 2009 |
just spend your time focusing on getting a new job and try not to be under your parents |
| Re: Can Parents Be This Frustrating? by Akinagirl(f): 8:32pm On Dec 15, 2009 |
I got a question for you. Well a couple, how did she find out about your parents not wanting you to marry outside your tribe? That shouldn't have even come up. Number 2. Why is it that you don't fancy staying over her place? Also, you need to do hat is right for you my dear. You are a grown man, you have to make decisions that make sense to you. You cant be doing anything and everything your parents tell you to do. Are you to marry them? I think not, its time to move on with your life, find yourself a good job and marry your fiancee if that is in fact what you want to do. But ultimately, the decision is yours. You wouldn't be doing anything you do not want to do; whatever the outcome may be. You have to grow a back bone, get out there and do what is right for you. You parents were probably able to make decisions for you when you are younger, but given the fact that you are ready to settle down, you must be an adult. So go with what you want. Nothing more. |
| Re: Can Parents Be This Frustrating? by coolier(f): 2:59am On Dec 16, 2009 |
Shy Steady: Shy Steady: Three years of dating and family get together and your parents just realized your girl is not from your tribe! |
| Re: Can Parents Be This Frustrating? by Outstrip(f): 6:15am On Dec 16, 2009 |
You are not ready to marry. Why are your parents dictating your life? How old are you? The advice I can give you is that parents like yours can cause problems in a marriage. Statements like you cannot leave this house etc basically means that they intend to be too involved in your life and with the way you are behaving I don't think you are strong enough to put them in their place |
| Re: Can Parents Be This Frustrating? by ShySteady(m): 3:26pm On Dec 16, 2009 |
I must be candid with all of you who have taken out time to read my piece and given useful advice. I really appreciate you all. I think I am not really strong enough to put my parents where they truly belong, mostly due to the fact that I am not so buoyant finance - wise. I decided not to move out because I didn't want to offend my parents, but I think for a change, there has to be some assertiveness. My fiance has asked me to come over to join her in Abuja where she currently works, and I am seeing myself considering her offer. I think it will only be fair if I don't allow the tribalistic nature of parents to cause a divide in my personal life. Thank you all! |
| Re: Can Parents Be This Frustrating? by mrperfect(m): 4:17pm On Dec 16, 2009 |
Is this a vote of thanks when congress has not finished? |
| Re: Can Parents Be This Frustrating? by ShySteady(m): 3:47pm On Dec 18, 2009 |
mrperfect:No vote of confidence, yet. Just appreciation for alleviating the excruciating pain of disappointment I am currently feeling. glo12: Doing just that. |
| Re: Can Parents Be This Frustrating? by iice(f): 4:11pm On Dec 18, 2009 |
Be strong. Some people strike out on their own when they have nothing. Sometimes it takes longer to get to the point you are ok, but it's better in the end. |
| Re: Can Parents Be This Frustrating? by Favor4all(m): 4:05am On Dec 20, 2009 |
Breaking from parental grip is not easy but it has to be gradual. You will need to define what u want and then go for it. As much as u don't want your parents to dictate for u, u also need to show u are capable of taking care of yourself and your affairs. But please do this with wisdom. Family will always be there no matter where u go to. |
| Re: Can Parents Be This Frustrating? by ShySteady(m): 3:15pm On Dec 24, 2009 |
iice: Thanks iice for the advice. I have been taught right from my first day on earth to be dependent on my parents. Not just dependent, but excessively (extremely) dependent on them. First, I was made to know that I have to trust them, which I find no objection to. Recently, say from ten years ago before I even got out of secondary school, I started loosing faith in them 'cos my secrets with them were been let to outsiders. I would tell them (based on trust) about everything I was goin' through, only for me to hear it somewhere else. That was so embarrasing. Imagine that! Now, I'm going about seeking independency and asking faithful N'landers for good advices (which I have gotten so far) and creating a platform to execute all I have been able to gather. I think that's a nice step. I've got to be strong and hold on to my own, I know it will take a longer time to achieve what I have set out to do, it'll definitely be a reality. Favor4all: Keep praying for me. I love your advice, so I am taking my time. Thanks. |
| Re: Can Parents Be This Frustrating? by iice(f): 3:25pm On Dec 24, 2009 |
Shy Steady: Wow, i was reared the other way around. To be totally independent of them. So i started at a really young age to be on my own. Well parents are humans, they make mistakes and sometimes, we might really get mad at them, they try to do their best through us (well mostly), though not always the right way. Just be strong. Even when it seems things are down and bad. . .hold on. Goodluck. |
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