Hey all,

Is traditional marriage a do-or-die affair in African culture?I'm considering doing the court and church wedding thing only and leave out the traditional wahala (for personal reasons best known to me).Is it possible for me to do this or. . .? For the record, I'm Efik and engaged to someone from Akwa Ibom.

Your responses (and advice) are welcome.

Thanks.

NL people. . .i still dey wait una ooo!

If both of you don't want but your families insist, I think you should just do it for peace sake.

l hope you are not running from certain responsibilties?
As africans TM is very important.

Some churches even require that you settle all TM issues first before you take your bride to church.

Livvvvy:

Some churches even require that you settle all TM issues first before you take your bride to church.

Really ? Do some churches insist that you have a traditional wedding before they marry you?

Trado is very imp, its even more imp.than d church, since we r africans,

Traditional marriage is not compulsory, it depends on the people involved. You can choose not to have a party only make sure you give the family all their requirements in terms of bride price and other stuff. This can be done quietly. The party is what makes it too expensive. I am from the south east and i know it is not compulsory where i come from. I dont know about other places. I will suggest you make proper enquiry from the good elders not the greedy ones.

well i dont know your reasons but traditional wedding is a must in african setting because this is where you settle the bride price and do other traditions rites attached to that occassion so therefore i doubt if you can skip it maybe you can only delay it infact i had a friend who did just white wedding and court yet the family of the lady didnt recognise that their daughter was married until he fulfilled the tradition rites.

@ AkO. Yes some churches require that you settle any issue you have traditonally before having the church wedding done.
This will prevent certain problem that may arise in the future (if there will be any).

It seems you don't even know the essence of traditional marriage. TM for short, is an occasion to bring the families of the couple together. This is the main importance so it should not be a big deal but right now, so many absurdities come in place.

It makes more sense.

carnal:

well i dont know your reasons but traditional wedding is a must in african setting because this is where you settle the bride price and do other traditions rites attached to that occassion so therefore i doubt if you can skip it maybe you can only delay it infact i had a friend who did just white wedding and court yet the family of the lady didnt recognise that their daughter was married until he fulfilled the tradition rites.

Livvvvy:

@ AkO. Yes some churches require that you settle any issue you have traditonally before having the church wedding done.
This will prevent certain problem that may arise in the future (if there will be any).

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tems777:

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U ok?

traditional marriage is very important not only in african setting , so my brother if no get money just relax with court marriage when get money u do all u dey hear me sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

IF NOT FOR ANYTHING IS OUR CULTURE AND TRADITION AND WHO SHOULDNT THROW IT AWAY.AFRICANS MUST LEARN TO PUT OUR CULTURE FIRST,BEFORE THE WESTERN CULTURE.

though its necessary but i u have good reasons for not wanting to, then the most important is for u to convince your husband to be and ur family while he tries his best to convince his family. once there is an understanding then i think there should be no problem.

yea traditional wedding is very important, and is more important than the others, i also agree with abn, if you dont want the part aspect, u can just quietly give the family their requirements, but if they insist you do a TM party, there is this new method now where the couple will go to church first i mean after giving them their requirement, you go to church, then the wedding party will be the TM party though i dnt like it that way but is what is on now every thing is done the same day.

Personally, if it has nothing to do with gods n demons, no problem.

As a matter of fact, its a colorful thing, n if ur family, his family n he himself dont mind, dont make it a big deal go right ahead and dance ur way tru.

i know the court wedding required a TM when i went

From what I know, a good deal of churches, families, and people tend to not recognize the union if the TM hasn't been done.

Traditional marriage is not a do or die affair. But for u to have considered doing the church and court wedding, i think u shld put the personal reasons aside cos most people may not understand and do the tradional rites as well.

The only authority that recognizes marriage in Nigeria is still the law courts/registry. Let the church and all the others talk all they want. Traditional marriage no be by force. If you enter registry, u don marry be that. No one can change that.

Traditional marriages has long being existing before church marriages. Besides,some churches request that you do the traditional marriage before the church wedding. So,i advice you do the traditional marriage 1st. Or do you want go against the tradition?

mccloud224:

Hey all,

Is traditional marriage a do-or-die affair in African culture?

NO, [size=5pt]important tho[/size]

mccloud224:

I'm considering doing the court and church wedding thing only and leave out the traditional wahala

Thats absolutely fine (Its your choice) and No wahala, IMO.

mccloud224:

For the record, I'm Efik and engaged to someone from Akwa Ibom.

Sums up now! and which tradition are u talking about as though u pple had one there?

@Poster,
I was in ur shows about a year ago which made me confronted my Pastor with d same question and it baffled me wen he said TM was d most important and to my greatest surprise my cousin who is a seasoned lawyer confirmed dat TM was the most recognized even by law. Others are just to add up. But as a Christian after d TM u can just go and do marraige blessing or thanksgiving in church. thats all i know for now.

Traditional marriage is the most  compulsory thing to do after introduction.

mccloud224:

Hey all,

Is traditional marriage a do-or-die affair in African culture?I'm considering doing the court and church wedding thing only and leave out the traditional wahala (for personal reasons best known to me).Is it possible for me to do this or. . .? For the record, I'm Efik and engaged to someone from Akwa Ibom.

Your responses (and advice) are welcome.

Thanks.

Traditional marriage is more important than the Church/Court wedding.

As for me, my belive is that marriage is all above receiveing the prayer of both parent i.e. having the consent of the parents .

How do they want me to get married three times all in the name of marriage. White, Court and Traditional are all marriage. As a Christian, i will only subscribe to White and if the church says court is compulsory, then i will do that. But traditional, i won't do it even though somebody wants to sponsor it. I have already told my parents that even though somebody sponsors it (takes charge of all the expenses) i won't be there on that day. I see no reason marrying thrice all to one and the same person. Marriage is marriage, if i must do traditional, then the Priest or Pastor must be there to do the church wedding. That is my take in this issue and i believe my spouse and her people will respect my decision and allow things to flow my way.

my broooodaaaa,

As an african.traditional marriage is the true identification of your two-becomes-one. Q.E.D