izzou:
Just treat her like a human being. Show her love,care and kindness. Whether you call her your sister or employee, the way you treat her matters.

Also,let her duties be defined. If she shouldn't Bathe the kids,then let her know.

talk2alabama:
Engage me to draft out the rules she will follow. Have her to sign it..,



Thank me later...

hotmum:


About the bathing. Hubby insists I do. For fear of molestation. Stories we hear these days.

As for treatment. I treated my previous one like a sis. I then noticed she started growing wings. Probably cos she was getting married.

Imagine her dressing up one day. Unusually overly dressed. Got almost close to the door b4 telling me she wanted to go get something at the bustop. On a Sunday evening. I told her to get it on Monday morning. The next morning I reminded her of what she wanted to buy she replied she has spent the money

Most people prefer to take relatives as maids because they won't misbehave much and family members can intervene when she's getting outta hand. You can try that too


As for bathing the kids,you cant be very sure that you will always have time for that,especially now that you want to work.

Your husband should put his fears away and hope she isn't one of dem molesters

hotmum:


Bros kindly give me some tips here. I'd appreciate it.

I'm a very free person but I don't like when people take advantage of it. That's why am asking for the best way

talk2alabama:



House rules... Draft out things she is expected to do and not to do. Define her boundaries.





Why are you employing her? To ease off your work load.....? Then bathing the babies should also be one of her job roles.


Spell it out to her she should observe cleanliness at all times especially when she is handling your kids.. If she wants to feed them, she should wash her hands properly and wash their untensils and wateva


I advise she sleeps in a separate room



U should take her to the doctor so the doctor can kmlw her health history ..


Get her good clothes too .. Your maid should be a reflection of you...



Warn her she should respect herself around the vicinity and should be wary of locals. Esp boiz...



Get a police report .. That she is the maid.. In case of things like she ran away or Smth, you shouldn't be accountable.. She has to sign it..



Remind her whatever she wants, she should ask, that you don't tolerate stealing .. And you would make sure you deal with her if she steals your stuff .. And have a very stern countenance when telling her this...



Tell her you don't tolerate dirtiness .

hotmum:


Thanks

talk2alabama:
I modified my comment and added some tips

talk2alabama:



House rules... Draft out things she is expected to do and not to do. Define her boundaries.

pearlforlady:


Soo true, you've spoted all the necessities

ireneblush:
wow, a 19 year old live in maid? that's too risky for you and your family right now, considering the fact that the society is risky it self, at 19, she very well knows somethings more than you. Even if you set house rules for her she will still do that which pleases her. To avoid future regret and endangering of your household, I advise you get a Nanny that comes and goes. your toddlers should be in school, or if they are not put them in creche it will help you and help them too.

hotmum:
Hello Familylanders,
I'm expecting a 19 yr old live-in maid this weekend. I'm getting her so I can go look for paid employment.
Pls I'll need your help on the following
1. Likely questions to ask her

2. How best to live with her. To relate with her like a sister or an employee

3. Should she sleep with the kids or have her own room too. I live in a 3 bedroom apartment. With 2 toddlers. I really want to be at alert

4. Is it ok to let her bathe the kids

5. Is it ok to let her mix with neighbors. I had 1 sometime ago. Told people she's my sister. After a while they refer to her as "my girl". She had told people she wasn't my sister.

6. Someone suggested police report. Is it necessary.

7. Feeding: Do I let her eat whatever she likes? My previous one didn't like fish of any kind, gizzards, snail. But hubby n I do. I had to limit my cooking of these or I let eat something else eg Noodles. Later I noticed she started overdoing it

Pls mature responses wil be needed. Thanks

cc: lala.sticlala
. on.egai
. m.odath
. lifte.dhands
. iom.oge2
. ro.femiguwa
. bey.edew
. tyc.oncepts
. za.ynie
.

beyedew:

MissCuppy:
I think you should be more concerned with her relationship with your husband.


hotmum.

hotmum:

I don't get you ma'am

hotmum:


I don't get you ma'am

Onegai:
Hotmum,

1. Get a clear passport photo of her and do a full blood work, HIV, Hepatitis etc

2. Define boundaries. No phones during work hours and no fraternising with the neighbours on your time. No weird dressing or she wears a uniform.

3. Feeding her on outing trips doesn't mean you treat her like a sister. It means you treat her like a human being. Which is important, because she's looking after your kids. She should always eat what you eat, be it eba at home or suya outside.

4. Discuss salary and provisions. Are you paying for her toiletries? If so, will it be deducted from her monthly paycheck? Does she get part of her salary monthly to take care of her needs or will you provide them (hair styling, toiletries etc).

5. Does she get off days?

6. No sleeping with the kids. She can bathe them but let her have her nighttime to herself (to call her bobo, whom she will deny having, her family, her friends, relax, etc).

7. Define all duties and enforce boundaries. You may relax and she will relax too. And stop all this "I treat this random stranger like my sister", do you fight with her, beg her for jewelry (which she has rocked tire and then gives you, grudgingly), sometimes gossip with her, sometimes put up with her excessive demands, call her at 4am to fight over "Why didn't you reply that email, whose side are you on?!!", tell her to pray for your husband and your finances, ask for advice in not killing your husband etc. Do you do all that with your maid or nanny? Because that's how my sisters and I work so my nanny is most definitely not my sister and I don't take her as such. What I do is to treat her like an employee, decent and as fair as possible. She eats what I cook and once in a while I can be generous with stuff, if I have it (I got her good brands of shampoo and conditioner because she didn't want to spend her money and I understand where I live, things are not cheap enough for her to get from her salary).

8. Discuss clearly how long she's staying. Is she leaving for Christmas (so you can plan).

9. I will never do relatives in my house to help me. Sorry but No. Nada. Nyet. Ehn Ehn. Mbaa (someone add the Yoruba word for "No". Because if that goes bad, it does reaalllllyyyy bad. From stealing (because they hate being the poor relative in your home) to interference (where they call every relative to give them updates of how you and your husband fought and what a horror-show you are, even if the fight lasted 10 mins, they will paint it as 1 hour and fighting daily) to grudges (you traveled abroad for business, bought 2 dresses for your child and bought only 1 dress for them, you are evil and her mother back home will be waiting for an opportunity to strike because of the perceived "injustice", no-one cares that you went abroad with limited funds to do business that will feed the family), not worth it in my book. I can't walk on eggshells around my home because I'm scared what someone's mum will say. Especially when it is your in-law. Oh boy...

MissCuppy:
You will get it when it all unravels.

inemani:



In a clear and concise term, she may be a threat to your happy home, knowing how some of the men folk are - dogs! Especially if the 19yr old is fresh fish

My sister and her friend refused to have a friend's nanny in their homes because she was exactly your girl, age 13, a mess domestically, kept wanting to watch the 6 and 7 year old boys bathe and wanting to be with them rather than older nannies or female babies. She touched her female charge's n.ipples in the name of "play" (a common occurrence I have seen, especially in lower-income environments with less privacy, they will kiss your child on the bare chest, handle his/her body and bum and get offended when one say "stop", because all na "play and affection" ) and scribbled "I love John" on every surface. Even though her mum was protesting her innocence, we found out later "John" was her mum's bf and had started sleeping with both mother and daughter, at an early age. So her mum sent her away so they won't be fighting over Man. But told everyone it was for her future.