*NIKAAHQUINE: Abundance of Pleasures, Avalanche of Responsibilities.*

Everyone, just go and marry! Brothers and sisters, you need *nikaahquine*!!

These statements, among many others, are samples of common expressions on the tongues of brothers and sisters these days, especially youths of marriageable age, in our campuses and elsewhere. The reasons, however, are not far-fetched.

There is increased awareness about the praise-worthy position of Islaam on nikaah, as opposed to pre-marital sex and relationships. There is also a growing understanding among parents, in allowing their wards to uphold this important Sunnah. There also seems to be readily-available and abundant information on the avalanche of pleasures lying therein, mostly perceived by the individuals or sweet-tongued by others in the field. This is in addition to the anticipated break-away from the burdens of bachelorhood and spinsterhood, most of which are bloated.

Examples of the exaggerated concerns towards nikaah are: “Ramadan around the corner”, house chores and personal hygiene (e.g., cooking, washing clothes etc), sex, menopause, menstrual cycle, pains and cramps, the “leaving your papa’s house” mantra and the “your mates and even juniors have all married” syndrome, among others. The expectation is that when you marry, all the benefits come your way and all the worries go away. But is this so

It is instructive to ask at this juncture: do all these concerns vanish with nikaah If so, why do married men and women still commit adultery and other sexual offences? Why have some of those your mates and juniors returned to their papas’ houses or divorced? Do menstrual pains and cramps stop after nikkaah?

Or does the wife become an electromechanical “washing machine” for the house chores and personal hygiene 24/7 or a “sex machine” available on the tap of a button? When a bachelor is seen washing clothes, he is advised to go and marry as though he would be marrying a washing machine; and when he has problems lowering his gaze, he is again told to marry so that when he sees any woman outside, he can rush to his wife immediately, forgetting that the woman may be weak, sick, depressed, menstruating, ‘not in the mood’, heavily pregnant, experiencing morning sickness, and in other circumstances at that moment, like nursing and caring for his children, that may perhaps bar him from satisfying himself. The husband too, does he become a vending machine or ATM for the shopping sprees, physical shield against threats, source for pleasure or a vent for emotions only?

While to-be-couples are told that massive and abundant pleasures lie in nikkaah, including but not limited to sex, they are perhaps uninformed about the avalanche of responsibilities and sacrifices staring them in the face. *Hudhaifah Bin al Yamaan (radiyallaahu anhu) said: “People used to ask the Messenger of Allaah (sallal-laahu-alayhi-wasallam) about the good times, but I used to ask him about bad times fearing lest they overtake me….” (Bukhaaree and Muslim).* A balanced consideration should involve both the ups and the downs, and an encouragement for nikaah should involve a talk on the expected challenges, otherwise it becomes one-sided.

If you marry in Rajab ONLY to avoid cooking in Ramadan, be prepared that you might be tested with your wife experiencing morning sickness in Ramadan, during which you might not only do all the cooking yourself, but also end up nannying her. If you marry only for sex, what happens if your job or advance studies take you far away from home without her companionship? If the intention is about being ATM, what happens if he loses his job or fails to secure one?

Menstrual pains will not only continue after marriage, but other pains might be added. Morning sickness, craving, post-partum, C&S (if Allaah wills), breast engorgement etc. Expenses on the wife will not only be added, but those of the children will join. Abstinence may not only be required at some points (such as monthly cycle, post-partum, mood swings and sickness etc), compassion must join. Your time and money may not only be demanded, but YOUR ALL would be expected to make the marriage work.

Marriage is both about pain and gain, duties and responsibilities, pleasures and sacrifices. RIGHT AND SINCERE INTENTION, PIETY, KNOWLEDGE, LOVE AND COMPASSION, GIVE-AND-TAKE ATTITUDE, WIN-WIN PHILOSOPHY, MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING AND RESPECT, SENSE OF APPRECIATION AND FORGIVENESS, TRUST AND PATIENCE are among the essentials of NIKAAH. Before you get married, think NOT only about what you are going to get, what ALSO about what you are going to give!!!

May Allaah bless the unions of the married, and grant the singles blissful homes.