We all are quick to condemn domestic violence, which is good because no one deserves to be abused physically or otherwise but there's something about domestic violence that we rarely discuss or condemn and that's what this post is about.

Thing type of domestic violence that we shy away from is the victim initiated domestic violence. I understand that the hesitance in speaking about victim initiated domestic violence is rooted in a very real concern about what the discussion can give way to but can we really win the fight against domestic violence without first of all destroy the cause?

I am going to split this article into two parts, A and B. Part A will deal with Female initiated domestic violence while part B will deal with male initiated domestic violence. Please, before we proceed, check the meaning of reason and justification in your dictionary. If they have the same meaning then this article isn't for you.

Part A: Female Initiated Domestic Violence

Many people believe that women are most times the victims of domestic violence because they're usually the ones who cry out but truth is, most times, the ones who cry out initiated the violence but they get beaten in the long run because men are stronger.

Let's face reality, if you go into marriage with the mentality that real men don't hit women then you're going to be beaten within a short period of time. Reason being that will give them reason to hit.

Every living person has a limit to what he/she can tolerate and anything can happen once you cross the limit.

Even the Christian God who we believe to be all loving and all tolerant got over the edge severally and punished the Israelites how much more a mortal.

I find it difficult to believe that a sane man will wake up one day and start beating his wife. There's likely to be a reason, what's this reason? Why don't we just avoid it?

I read a thread here the other day about a woman who broke up with her boyfriend after he slapped her for the second time. Most people supported her action, which is good but nobody asked her what she did.

It seems like men are to show maturity and walk away when the woman starts a fight but the woman is a "perpetual immature" human being that's incapable of controlling her tongue or expressing her emotions in sane manner.

See, no man will tolerate your continuous needling and nagging forever, no man will continue to walk away every day and there's no telling what he will do when he's tired of running away from his wife.

Pay attention.

If you are married to a man that comes home drunk or high and starts causing trouble, please by all means break up the marriage. Life doesn't have replacement parts.

But if the only time he hits you is when he's tired of your troubles then work on yourself. Grow up and control your tongue and temper.

The reason you have to take this advice seriously is because you're the one who get injured most times. Take Aigbe as a case study. There was a fight, she was beaten and then she filed for divorce. She may get the husband arrested and possibly jailed too but who has a broken skull?
What if she died?

Let me agree for 30 seconds that no real man hits a woman but a woman that needles a man continously until he hits her, is that one a real woman?

You say the man should walk away but sometimes the woman won't even let you walk away. I have witnessed it.

I still maintain that it's unreasonable to hit anyone irrespective of gender

Part B: Male Initiated Domestic Violence

I know you felt good reading all those things that I said about women especially the part about their tongue. We all agree that the tongue of a woman is sharp like a new sword but hey, what's this thing she's always on about? How about you stop doing it?

Women pass through a lot of things at work, they come home and continue with the work of taking care of the home and children and, an adult and a partner is adding to her problems so why won't she talk?

A lot of men are irresponsible, truth be said. There's a man here that leaves home by 6am and returns by 10pm and sometimes 11pm and no he's not at work. He's out drinking agbo and other concussions with friends.

Sometimes the woman will call him useless man when he returns wasted and fight will start. Truth is, he's a useless man.

If you are treating your woman fine but she's still giving you troubles then divorce her, don't hit anybody, she may die but if the fault is in you then grow up and act your age.

Here's a reason to be exceptionally nice to your woman irrespective of her shortcomings. She may not divorce you because of the way we regard single mothers but she will definitely stab you when she's frustrated.

That's the truth. Men hit when they're frustrated, women stab because they cannot win in a fight.

Finally, I just want us to know that victims initiated a good percentage of the violence they reported and that's why they come to media instead going to court because the media don't ask why.

We can win the fight against domestic violence if instigators are equally held accountable.


Thanks

coolesmile:
Interesting. Educating and enlightening.

In our fight against domestic violence, we tend to forget kids. Madam inflicting wound on house helps, father flogging kids like thieves. I believe there is no reason enough for this.

PaperLace:
Nice thread.

In the same way you are trying to let us know women are not the only victims _ you should also get rid of the stereotype that only women say hurtful things/nag.

If the only thing done to initiate attack is run mouth, then you would agree with me lots of Nigerians would be dead by now. Nigerians are one of the most uncouth people in the world.

Also, I've seen the media ask why. Nairalanders do ask why...

Instigators are held accountable, that's why we do ask "why" but we just don't feel it's reason enough. There would always be instigators.
Maybe we should also get used to the fact that, there would always be violent people too.

#Leave&Live.

mzjaney:
weldone op... made sense.

Kondomatic:
It's impossible to detail out the causes of domestic violence in single thread. I just needed the above example to drive home my points and I believe the purpose was achieved.

It's ok for you to find faults in my post though, people find faults in the Bible but it still serves its purpose, likewise my post.

Readers can grasp the message without turning the thread to a male vs female gender fight.

NotOfThis:
That still doesn't give a man the right to use violence on his wife, and vice versa. That is not a justifiable excuse to be violent.



"But if the only time he hits you is when he's tired of your troubles then work on yourself. Grow up and control your tongue and temper".

Kondomatic:
There's no excuse but there are reasons.

If we take care of the reasons then excuses will die naturally.

NotOfThis:
99% of the time, a reason isn't a reason at all; it's an excuse.

Fkforyou:
Nice points. It's just irrational to expect someone to bottle up all the time whenever he is pissed. He is bound to snap, heck, even cats, as cool as they are do snap once in a while whenever they are pushed to a limit.

Obembem:
well well, this is a rational post trying to butress the fact that 'sometimes' people (male and female) sway away and let their emotions, habits take over which are the reasons for domestic violence.

An elder who is very gentle, married a good wife too, but the woman doesn't know when to stop when she's angry. Over the years they've been good together and but any slight misunderstanding the wife is on rampage. The man has been coping until one day, they had a misunderstanding the man was trying to walk out, the woman blocked the way, kept pushing him, pushing till the man gave her a slapped her and pushed her away, she said she never expected it.

So most times our actions determine what's coming next, no sane man will love to violate his wife. I never ever support domestic violence for once, infact patience is the key but the truth is like the OP said everyone has a limit