She had been crying.

Rolled up in a corner she sat. She looked at the clock. It was some minutes to 3am. "Why did I come here in the first place?" she thought to herself. Her legs still hurt from the struggle. She tried to stand and her head began to throb. She sat down again and reclined on the wall.

It was a warm Tuesday evening and she had taken a stroll. Then she remembered she needed some toiletries. She lived off campus so it was lonely as she walked the narrow path. Simbi came walking towards her.

"Hi" Simbi beamed. She was a beauty to behold. Average height, fair skin complexion and a smile that would awaken the butterflies in your belly.

Rita hugged her. "Where are you up to? I want to get some toiletries from the store close to the park"

"I want to check on the fellowship coordinator. I've got some notes to pick. Seems I might be appointed as a fellowship leader. Let me prepare" Simbi chuckled and skipped down the path.

"What a lively lady" Rita thought and continued on her journey.

She was on her way to her hostel with a small bag of toiletries when a bike rode past her and splashed some muddy water all over her dress. She screamed, nearly cursed him but remembered she was "born again" and sighed. She never knew when she burst into tears. She looked terrible and had to quickly return to the library to read with some friends. She would be late. It was already past 6pm but was still bright, longer days than nights that period. Then she heard her name from behind.

"Rita!!!"

It was Brother Fire Chris. The fire brother evangelist who was known to 'speak the word without fear or favor'.

"What happened? Why are you crying? I could hear you from a distance" he asked then looked at her. "Oh, you're drenched. Eeyah. Let me help you. You can clean up at my place. I've got a washing machine that's also a spin dryer"

Her eyes brightened. She's never used that before and she was excited. He helped carry her toiletries and led her to his house which wasn't far away from where they stood.

"Let me teach you how to use it. I'll get you a wrapper to cover yourself while you wash it" he said while powering on the machine. He showed her all she would do and left the bathroom. "Oh sorry" he said after few minutes. "I forgot the wrapper". He had walked in to find her already stripped down to her silky half slip and lace bra. She had really full breasts and her hips did some good justice to the underskirt. She squealed and grabbed the dress to cover herself. He quickly dropped the wrapper and left apologizing.

Few minutes she came out to the sitting room with the wrapper on her waist and a tee shirt, he also brought a tee shirt.

"I'm so sorry"

"It's okay" she said. I know you didn't expect me to have quickly undressed" and she laughed.

He relaxed and smiled. "Let me get you something to drink"

"No problem"

He went into the kitchen while she sat down. It was a nice apartment. Her eyes kept darting from wallpaper to wooden artwork to picture frame. Chris had a taste for interior designs.

"Here it is" he said and offered her a glass of juice. She sipped it while waiting for her clothes and they talked about fellowship and evangelism. Few minutes and all she could remember was her eyes becoming dizzy and she dozed off.

She woke up.

She wasn't sitting in a chair. She was lying down. It was a bed. It was not her bed. She got up but fell down to the floor.

She was in Chris's bedroom!!!

Then it hit her. She had been violated sexually. Chris had slept with her. It was her first time and she was hurting badly between her legs. She was just in her bra and half slip. She remembered all that happened the previous day and she burst into tears.

Finally she got up and looked at Chris. He was still sleeping. Anger brewed in her so deeply she picked up a small table clock and hit his head.

Chris began to shake vigorously and became still. She touched him but he never responded. She pulled him up but he slouched back to the bed.

That was when she noticed the blood flowing from his head.

Please avoid quoting thoughts. You can either italicise it or insert comma between the thought and your narration e.g


What a lively lady, Rita thought and....


Also, as much as you can, avoid the continuous use of ' it was'. It takes the reader's mind away I.e the psychic distance would suddenly be wider. You need your readers to feel what she's feeling. In other words, make the sentence more compelling.
For example.

Upon turning, she saw the fire evangelist- Bro. Chris......

But I'm enjoying the story. I'm pitching my tent here.

I hope that wasn't the end. If, by chance, that was the end I'll find your house and make sure you continue o

Then you'd better Google my address and find me because I don finish am lol