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Top 10 Effects Of Porn On Your Brain, Your Marriage, And Your Sex Life by Realslimshady(m): 6:27pm On Jul 06, 2017 |
Pornography is ravaging marriages. In our
culture porn is treated as if it’s harmless,
but it’s not. Porn will wreck the arousal
process in your brain and end up wrecking
your sex life in marriage.
I receive emails everyday from women
who are desperate to fix their marriages,
but they don’t know what to do. They
married men who never seem to want sex.
Or their husbands are never satisfied. Or
their husbands call them boring or
unattractive. And the root of many of these
problems is porn.
Here’s the really devastating part: Because
so much of what porn does to you happens
chemically in the brain, the porn use
doesn’t have to be going on NOW to have
these effects. A boy who grew up on porn
in his teens, and then managed to stop
watching it in his twenties (with occasional
relapses) will still suffer from many of
these things.
The good news: There is healing! You can
rebuild those chemical pathways to
arousal. But first we have to understand 10
ways that porn affects the brain, and thus
wrecks many couples’ sex lives. And so
today, on Top 10 Tuesday, I thought I’d
share:
The Top 10 Negative Effects of Porn on
Your Sex Life
And remember– women use porn, too!
While some of these apply just to men,
many of them apply to both genders.
For sources of these claims, see the
graphic at the bottom of the post. They’re
all listed there.
1. Porn Means You Can’t Get
Aroused by “Just” Your Spouse
Do you remember reading about Pavlov
and his dog in Psychology? Pavlov would
give the dog a nice juicy steak, but right
before he did he would ring a bell. He
conditioned the dog to associate ringing the
bell with getting great food. Eventually
Pavlov took the food away, but kept ringing
the bell. The dog kept salivating at the bell,
even though there was no steak, because
the dog associated the bell with the food.
The same thing happens when we see
porn. Porn stimulates the arousal centers
in the brain. When it’s accompanied by
orgasm (sexual release through
masturbation), then a chemical reaction
happens and hormones are released. In
effect, our brains start to associate arousal
with an image, an idea, or a video, rather
than a person.
When you don’t watch porn and save
yourself until marriage, then all of those
chemicals and hormones are released for
the first time when you’re with your
spouse, and it causes you to bond
intensely (and sexually) to your spouse. But
when you spend a ton of time teaching your
brain to associate arousal and release with
pornography, your brain can’t associate
arousal and release with a person
anymore. Either you have to fantasize
about the porn, and get those images in
your brain, or you have to watch porn first.
Often people can “complete the act”, but
it’s not intense for them the way porn is.
You’ve rewired your brain, and now you’re
salivating at the wrong thing.
2. Porn Wrecks Your Libido
It’s only natural, then, that many people
who use porn in the past, or who use porn
in the present, have virtually no libido when
it comes to making love to their spouse.
The spouse is not what turns them on, and
so the natural drive that we have for sex is
transferred somewhere else. I get so many
emails from young women in their twenties
who say, “my husband and I were both
virgins when we married, and I thought
he’d want sex all the time. But after our
honeymoon sex went to maybe twice a
month, and that’s only if I pressure him. He
says he just isn’t interested.” With so many
men growing up on porn, this is just to be
expected.
3. Porn Makes You Sexually
Lazy
In porn, everyone is turned on all the time.
You don’t have to make any effort to
arouse someone; it’s automatic. There is no
pre-intimacy in porn. And so if your spouse isn’t
aroused you start to think that it’s
somehow their fault. There’s no expectation
that we will have to “woo” someone or be
affectionate and help jumpstart that arousal
process. It’s almost as if we approach sex
as two different beings and we’re just using
each other, rather than thinking of each
other. And thus we never learn how to
please the other or become a good lover
because we’re always thinking that the
other is somehow “frigid”. Pornography
teaches you that sex is about getting my
needs met; it isn’t about meeting someone
else’s needs or experiencing something
wonderful together.
4. Porn Turns “Making Love”
into a Foreign Concept
Those arousal centers and pleasure
centers in our brain are supposed to
associate sex with physical pleasure and a
real sense of intimacy. But the intimacy
doesn’t happen with porn, and so the
pleasure is all that registers. Thus, porn
makes sex all about the body, and not
about intimacy. In fact, the idea of being
intimate isn’t even sexy anymore;
anonymous is what’s sexy. We may call
“having sex” “making love”, but in reality
they aren’t necessarily the same thing.
Someone who has used porn extensively
often has a difficult time experiencing any
intimacy during sex, because those arousal
and pleasure centers zero in only on the
body. And that’s another negative effect of
porn: porn users often need to objectify or
degrade their partner in order to achieve
pleasure, the exact opposite of intimacy.
God made sex to actually unite us and draw
us together; He even gave us a bonding
hormone that’s released at orgasm so that
we’d feel closer! But if that hormone is
released when no one is present, it stops
having its effects. Sex no longer bonds you
together.
5. Porn Makes Regular
Intercourse Seem Boring
An alcoholic drinks alcohol for the “buzz”.
But after a while your body begins to
tolerate it. To get the same buzz, you need
more alcohol. And so the alcoholic begins to
drink harder liquor, or drink larger
quantities.
The same thing happens with porn.
Because porn teaches us that sex is all
about the body, and not about intimacy,
then the only way to get a greater “high” or
that same buzz is to watch weirder and
weirder porn. I think most of us would be
horrified if we saw what most porn today
really is. It isn’t just pictures of naked
women like there used to be in Playboy;
most is very violent, extremely degrading,
and very ugly.
“Regular” intercourse is actually not
depicted that often in porn, and so quite
frequently the person who watches porn
starts to get a warped view of what sex
really is. And often they start to want
weirder and weirder things.
Now, I’m not against spicing things up , and
I do think lots of things can be fun! But
when we’re wanting “more” because we’ve
programmed ourselves to think “the
weirder the sexier”, there’s a problem.
6. Porn Makes it Hard to Be
Tender When You Have Sex
It’s no wonder, then, that people who use
porn often have a hard time being tender
when they have sex. Sex tends to be
impersonal, rushed, and “forced”. I’m
absolutely not saying that all porn users
rape their wives, but porn itself is often
violent. There’s no pre-intimacy. There’s no
waiting to arouse someone. It’s just taking
what you want.
Being tender means to be loving. It’s to give
and to express affection. Because these
things aren’t paired with sex in the porn
users brain, tenderness and sex no longer
go together.
7. Porn Trains You to Have
Immediate Gratification and
Have a Difficult Time Lasting
Long
With porn, when you’re aroused you reach
orgasm very quickly, because porn users
tend to masturbate at the same time. Thus,
orgasm tends to be very fast. The porn user
hasn’t trained his body to draw out sex so
that his spouse can get pleasure; his body
is programmed to orgasm quickly. Many
porn users, then, suffer from premature
ejaculation.
Some porn users go to the other extreme
when they start suffering from erectile
dysfunction . They have a difficult time
remaining “hard” enough during sex
because the stimulation isn’t enough. In
their case, orgasm can take an eternity, if
it’s possible at all.
While both seem like polar opposites, the
simple fact is that sexual dysfunction of
some sort is one of the big negative effects
of pornography.
8. Porn Gives You a Warped
View of what Attractive Is
Sex is supposed to bond you physically,
emotionally and spiritually with your
spouse. But if porn has made the chemical
pathways in your brain go haywire, then
sex becomes only about the body. And porn
shows you that only certain body types are
attractive. It’s not about the whole person;
it’s just a certain type of person.
If a woman gains even ten pounds, then,
she’s no longer attractive, and the porn
user has an honest to goodness difficult
time getting aroused, because he
associates only a certain body type with
arousal. Porn has taught your brain that
sex is only about the body, and not about
the relationship, so if someone’s body isn’t
exactly right, no arousal happens.
9. Porn Makes Sex Seem Like
Too Much Work
All of this combines to often make sex with
your spouse too much work. You’re not
aroused; you find your spouse not
attractive; sex is blah; and sex requires
you to make an effort for your spouse,
while you’re used to immediate
gratification.
Thus, many people who use porn retreat
into a life of masturbation. Even if the porn
use stops, they often find it easier to
“relieve” themselves in the shower than to
have to work at sex.
10. Porn Causes Selfishness
All of this causes a spiral of selfishness
where the person ignores his spouse’s
needs and is focused only on getting what
he wants, and getting it instantly. Often this
manifests itself in other areas of the
relationship as well, where the spouse
becomes annoyed if they have to wait for
something, or if they don’t get what they
want. Porn has sold them the message:
you deserve pleasure when you want it.
You shouldn’t have to work to get what you
want. Your needs are paramount.
It’s no wonder that shows up in other areas
of your relationship.
People who think that porn is
harmless and simply helps people
“get in the mood”, or “relieves
frustration”, are kidding
themselves. The chemical
processes in our brains are really
complicated, and when you start
messing with them, it’s really
difficult to develop a healthy
sexuality again.
However, it absolutely can be done! Later
this year I’ll be working on an ebook about
it, but for now, these posts may help:
Marriage Recovery after a Pornography
Addiction
Rewiring Your Brain After a Porn Addiction
Also, let’s remember: too often we tell
teenagers not to use porn because it’s a
sin, and they’re not supposed to lust. I think
we need to start telling them these ten
things. If you want amazing sex when
you’re older, don’t use porn now. If you do,
you’re setting yourself up for a world of
hurt. Ask teenagers, “who wants amazing
sex when you’re married?”, and pretty
much everyone will put up their hand. Then
tell them: Use porn now, and you’ll make
that almost impossible, without a major
work of God in your life. Tell them the truth. |
Re: Top 10 Effects Of Porn On Your Brain, Your Marriage, And Your Sex Life by Bibors(m): 6:38pm On Jul 06, 2017 |
True. Ahhh. But I no read this epistle ooo |
Re: Top 10 Effects Of Porn On Your Brain, Your Marriage, And Your Sex Life by ITbomb(m): 7:05pm On Jul 06, 2017 |
No one is reading that |
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