Hey guys! Thank God I finally did bring myself to write this. It is amazing how I get so engrossed in so many things and I look ahead at the work that lies ahead of me this year and I just laugh. I will survive!
So of late I have been going to work in the mainland from the other side of Lagos (I know Ikorodu is part of Lagos Mainland but in my head, it isn’t. So let’s just call it the other side of Lagos). For y’all that are new to Lagos life, there is a bus structure in place called BRT. The ones that ply Ikorodu road are kind of modern with full AC, a TV that actually works and free WiFi that I don’t know how it works yet. Now these guys have their own lane, hence they have the advantage of avoiding traffic. That is one of the reasons why the bus queue is always annoyingly long especially at rush hours.
A lot of times as a serious person that I am, I leave the house with all seriousness but once I get to that queue, watching people alone breaks down all my defenses and I just end up laughing, sometimes alone. I mean, I really don’t care what people think or maybe I do a little but a lot of times watching people especially at Ikorodu Garage bus park is hilarious. It can also be annoying. It is just a mix of emotions really.
Out of the excess time I had on my hands as I stood on the queue sometime last week, I made a mental people of different classes of people you meet on the queue. Their classification is majorly based on the characteristics they exhibit.
Let’s start already

First, we have the lookers . I used to look a lot as a child at anyone and anything. Once I start the person would feel so uncomfortable but thank God for my mother’s slap that never failed to come in its season. Hence, I have longed dropped the habit. I have never seen people stare the way some do on that queue. One person would just take interest in you and look oooooo. Plus women o! Which makes it even scarier. Hahan ! Sometimes, I have to check if there is an undone button on my blouse or use my phone screen to check if my eyebrows are meeting somewhere in the middle. I have come to discover that lookery is some people’s handiwork. I have long stopped wondering. On the days I feel like cracking a joke, I stare back and tilt my head in an exaggerated manner and ask, “Aunty, you know me before?” That jolts some back to reality, some others would be proud and form like there weren’t looking only to return staring after few minutes. I really just don’t bother these days.

Secondly, you have the ‘ questionnaires ’. They ask questions like, “Please, Is this queue for Fadeyi?” Even when it is boldly written above us. Let’s assume they don’t know. How about when someone asks you, “How long does it take before bus comes?” I think to myself, how would I know? I don’t work with BRT neither do I see the future…. As you are thinking on that someone else would ask, “Hahan! Is the queue always this long?” or “When would somebody leave here today?” and they would ask it facing you. I mean, you literally don’t know the ones that you are to answer and the ones that are rhetorical. The day I gave up on this class was the day I saw a woman ask if she was on the right queue and I answered her. She waited a while by my side (she wasn’t on the queue o) When she saw that I wouldn’t give her a space, she went a little further ahead and was asking someone else the same question just to get into the queue.
That brings me to the next class of people.

Those-that-always-jump-the-queue . These ones are just annoying to me. I deliberately leave my earphones plugged in even when I am listening to nothing so I can pretend never to hear these people. I think it is because Nigerians complain a lot about corruption without first checking themselves. They have devised all manner of means just to get ahead of others instead of queuing up as they ought to. I always wonder: How fair is it others on the queue that for each bus that comes, about ten people enter that have illegally joined the queue at different points? Hmmmm, Most times I just wail inside of me for Nigeria when I see people cheat others for something as petty as entering a bus. Yes, you are in a hurry. We all are really. Maybe not all, but most people are. If you are in that class, Hear ye the word of the Lord and repent! Hehehe! Really though it is important you do the right thing just because it’s right even when it isn’t convenient.

Those that answer the phone loudly . One time, one man just behind me had his phone ring and it was so loud that I literally jumped. And yes, it was exaggerated. Lol! Still, ordinary sorry he could not say *rolling my eyes* Really, some people’s phones ring too loudly and then the way some people answer the phone and shout “Hello!”, it is just terrifying.

The BRT choir . The only choir that I know sings disjointedly. I don’t know how you would be so carried away with your earphones plugged in and you will be shouting in the name of singing and in a public place. It is not fair.
Some people wake up with headache, some others are just not in the mood. I think what is worse though is singing off-key or on multiple keys (singing a single line on like three keys)… It is just unfair. I mean, whatever happened to love your neighbor as yourself? One Sunday morning on my way to church, one woman was running the scales (doh re mi fa so la ti doh) and back. And she was loud! I really was confused.

Buhari’s enemies or should I saw BRT L and D (Literary and Debating) society. I think these ones are just everywhere. They always form a group wherever they meet the queue and spend time analyzing and hating on Buhari. Then I ask, why won’t he be sick? The curses and negativity is just too much. I believe followers deserve accountability and they should be able to demand for it when they don’t get it. What I don’t understand is how the loud debate which is more of arguing and fighting on BRT queue would help achieve that. I know our leaders aren’t the best and it is infuriating. Still, you could take some seconds to pray for them, I just did.

Then you have those on a mission to push you down. They are always right behind you, always eager to move even when the line isn’t moving. They end up stepping on you and sometimes pulling your sandals or shoes from your feet. They always bump into you and mutter “sorry” countless times. When I notice people like that, I don’t argue. My dad has taught me to stop fighting… I’ll just leave the queue and move along by the side. Part of me thinks my village people may have sent them.

There are so many others. Those with scary make-up. I know one time when I was learning, my make-up was terrifying, that doesn’t make it less scary when I see it these days.

Then there are the fashionistas inspiring with their slayage. Did I tell you, I have met a few friends on the queue? I never collect or give any contact though (please don’t ask me why) There are some great conversationalists on the queue.
That’s it guys…. Please add your own in the comment boxes. I would love to hear your own stories.