a man after having a round of drinks decides its time he got home,
on getting up he falls flat on his face, then says oooh wat a day
he then crawls all d way home
when at his doorstep he stands to open d door but thump, he falls flat on his face, he curses opens the door den crawls to the steps
he gets to the step gets a hold of the stair-rails n thump on his face, he curses some more n crawls all d way up the stairs to bed
reaching his bedside he stands to climb in2 bed and thump on his face again,this time he curses even some more den finally manages to get into bed
upon waking up his wife is lik
Wife: honey u were on booze again
Husband: wat on earth made u come up with such an assumption
Wife: cos joey d bartender called me to come pick up your damn wheelchair

I drink on only two occasions
1.wen i am alone
2. wen i am with some1

a man is staggering home drunk late at nite wen he is stopped by a policeman 'wat r u doin out here at this time of the nite?' asks d officer 'i'm goin for a lecture' replies d man ' n who is goin to give u a lecture at dis tim of d nite?' asks d policeman. 'my wife' replies d drunk.

a policeman stakes out a bar for drunkdrivers. at closing time, he sees a man stumble out of the bar, trip on d pavement & fumble his keys for five mins. The man takes about 5mins to get the key in ignition. Meanwhile evrybody else leaves the bar n drives off. the policeaman goes to him & orders a breathlyser test. The test show he has blood alcohol level of zero. 'dat cant be rite' says d officer 'yes it can' says d man 'tonite i am d designated decoy'