Uncle Victor's house
Episode 1
It was 7:06am when mum woke me up.Go and prepare, your uncle ,my brother hates late journey. Good morning ma I said sleepingly.Get your lazy bones out off that bed she said and closed the door behind her.I was leaving for Enugu for the first time.I was to stay with uncle Victor,a lecturer in the department of English and literary studies in the prestigious University of Nigeria ,Nsukka (UNN).I was seeking admission into mass communication .I scored 258 in my Joint Admission and Matriculation Board exams. Passing it was a prerequisite. I needed work hard for my aptitude test since the course was a competitive one.I hope to make it in the only merit list.I was to stay with my uncle for two days ,write my exams on the third day and probably leave same day or next.I left for the bathroom.

Mum made tea and bread for me but I was too excited to even drink water.I dressed in my pink gown which is my favourite dress. Mum blocked the door saying I must eat.Both of us struggled till she remembered her pot of vegetable soup on fire.She left for the kitchen.Who is laughing now, I asked running to the gate with my bags.

I boarded a tricycle to the park where I would get a bus to Enugu.The driver was about leaving when I felt hunger pangs.I immediately bought African salad popularly known as "nsisa",with a cup of hot coffee and suya.Dad gave me enough money and mum added to it.I devoured the food as my journey began.In less than five minutes,I was done.I checked for chewing gums in my bag.Amazingl, I saw moi-moi,water melon and soyamilk.They were the hand work of mum.I ate them voraciously. My mouth was filled when I coughed. A mixture of moi-moi and soya milk rained on the chocolate Lady in my front. She ranted in pidgin English. Sorry, I said and continued with my delicacy despite her rantings.


Happy reading,comments and critics.

Episode 2
In the course of locating my ringing phone,my soya milk spilled on the corper next to me.He lamented in Yoruba so I apologised in my language Igbo"ndo" and answered my call. I became an object of discussion for the passengers. I plugged my headphone on and increased it to the highest to annoy the corper.My chewing gum made noise.About thirty minutes later my stomach began rumbling. It seemed as though Iraq and Iran fought in my tummy.I held my tummy but that seemed to be catalyzing the rumblings.I felt a push in my lower abdomen. I needed get myself relieved."Driver please there is an emergency",I shouted.So you can be humble?I thought you were a goddess? The corper asked.He spoke in Yoruba dialect with the driver.He must have told him to continue,I thought. I started hitting him,telling him in Igbo"I nwere obi ojo".The driver saw what was happening and stopped. Igbo and Yoruba who won now, I said running into the bush.When I came out, the bus was gone. The corper asked me,Igbo and Yoruba who won now? "Nkem agwula I shouted running into the road".I ensured no car was coming before running into the road.The corper dragged me out,he tried pacifying me in his dialect or was he even coursing me.About three minutes later,the bus was back.They had gone to refill the petrol tank.I ran into the bus.I laughed with the passengers. I had become a ludic character.
I chatted with the corper.He has graduated with a first class in home science and nutrition from UNN.We exchanged contacts.Your stomach upset was as a result of your choice of food he told me.Corper shun! I saluted.He told me about my uncle and how strict he is according to his roommate in his department.The driver pulled up in Peace Mass Transit park Enugu.We alighted. Corper Femi bought a ticket to Nsukka for me.He gave me a bottled water through the window of the bus.You need to replenish your lost fluid. Yes,but the water you gave me is not food.Any thing edible is food he responded chuckling. I wish you the best of luck in your exams.Please and please peace mass communicant do not combine such food again. Goodbye and thanks very much special advicer on nutrition I said as he left laughing.

Episode 3

The driver drive off at about 12:40pm.The music was loud and the breeze from the window made me dizzy. I fell asleep. The driver at high speed hit a bump. I fell off my seat.Some guys in the bus snapped me.My water wetted my gown as if I has urinated. I looked through the window. The hills and trees were so beautiful,I fell in love with Nsukka.Someone tapped me and I woke up.It was the driver. The passengers had all left. I went down and bordered a shuttle to the Nnmadi Azikiwe Library where my uncle would come for me.My tummy rumbled this time more violently. I paced the front of the library calling my uncle endlessly but he was not answering.

"Can you outline a perfect explanation for this good attitude deficient character"?My uncle asked from his brown Mercedes Benz.I entered the car with my bag silently. He looked at my frowned face a while then drove off angrily. I went down and in front of the house was the wife with the kids,Obinna and Ada my namesake.I took Ada by the hand into the house not even greeting my aunty. She lead me to the lavaratory.I rushed in,I slipped on the tiled floor.I soon came out laughing. I greeted my uncle and his wife who were laughing in front of the toilet.You must be a ludic character ,my uncle said.Uncle,nature's call is higher than man and needs to be answered first.Obinna showed me my room.He asked what I bought for them.You what did you guys keep for me?It seems you have lost your table manners I said mistakenly. He laughed running out of the room.
I thought it was drizzling and woke up.Obinna and Ada were sprinkling water on me.Food is ready they screamed.I ran after them.They ran out banging the door to which I hit my face.My mouth bled.I struggled to chew the two spoons of hot rice.I am sorry ma,I do not take super on Monday nights.Pardon my not telling you I apologised. I excused myself from the table.Uncle Victor came into my room hours later. I had my headphone on.You must be a nincompoop to be playing music when you have exams two days away. That is the height of indiscipline and unseriousness he said. No uncle,I am listening to a lecture on grammar in English done like a music. Jet age he responded leaving. Goodnight sir I said happily. Oh no,I will in the parlor studying he said without looking back. I angrily closed the door.

Episode 3

The driver drive off at about 12:40pm.The music was loud and the breeze from the window made me dizzy. I fell asleep. The driver at high speed hit a bump. I fell off my seat.Some guys in the bus snapped me.My water wetted my gown as if I has urinated. I looked through the window. The hills and trees were so beautiful,I fell in love with Nsukka.Someone tapped me and I woke up.It was the driver. The passengers had all left. I went down and bordered a shuttle to the Nnmadi Azikiwe Library where my uncle would come for me.My tummy rumbled this time more violently. I paced the front of the library calling my uncle endlessly but he was not answering.

"Can you outline a perfect explanation for this good attitude deficient character"?My uncle asked from his brown Mercedes Benz.I entered the car with my bag silently. He looked at my frowned face a while then drove off angrily. I went down and in front of the house was the wife with the kids,Obinna and Ada my namesake.I took Ada by the hand into the house not even greeting my aunty. She lead me to the lavaratory.I rushed in,I slipped on the tiled floor.I soon came out laughing. I greeted my uncle and his wife who were laughing in front of the toilet.You must be a ludic character ,my uncle said.Uncle,nature's call is higher than man and needs to be answered first.Obinna showed me my room.He asked what I bought for them.You what did you guys keep for me?It seems you have lost your table manners I said mistakenly. He laughed running out of the room.
I thought it was drizzling and woke up.Obinna and Ada were sprinkling water on me.Food is ready they screamed.I ran after them.They ran out banging the door to which I hit my face.My mouth bled.I struggled to chew the two spoons of hot rice.I am sorry ma,I do not take super on Monday nights.Pardon my not telling you I apologised. I excused myself from the table.Uncle Victor came into my room hours later. I had my headphone on.You must be a nincompoop to be playing music when you have exams two days away. That is the height of indiscipline and unseriousness he said. No uncle,I am listening to a lecture on grammar in English done like a music. Jet age he responded leaving. Goodnight sir I said happily. Oh no,I will in the parlor studying he said without looking back. I angrily closed the door.


Happy reading to this point.

Episode 4


The food must have cooled I thought.I used spoon to eat the rice in such a way my aunty would not know.I drank much water since I could not chew well."Goodness gracious"! I heard from behind. My spoon fell off and the water too into the pot.I am extremely sorry uncle,I shall warm the food again. He left without a word. I lighted the stove and placed the pot on it.I went to my room taking two big pieces of meats since I have been caught. Hearing a violent knock,I sprang from the bed.It was my uncle.The whole house was clouded. Do you want to decimate this family and even yourself he asked.Every one is almost stifled to death and you have burnt both food and pot.I am sorry sir,should I come and help.Sorry for your miserable self. Your help is not needed ,it has already done more harm than good he said and left. You think you are a wizard to have caught me but then I am a witch on a mission to burn this house.I went back to my bed.
I said my short prayers in the morning.I thought of helping my aunty out in the kitchen. Nne,I have a meeting at 8am.You make breakfast. Any confusion please ask Obinna or better still his dad. She left for the meeting. I and the kids were to take indomie and uncle,tea and bread.Obinna showed me where everything I needed was.I made the tea and took it to my uncle who was ready for work.My cousins were laughing but whatever was their reason was best known to them. He in few minutes yelled my name that the pack of indomie I was opening fell into the bucket containing dirty water. "What in the name of breakfast is this"?He said fiercely and walked out.I was lost in the middle of nowhere. I carried the tea to the kitchen besides I was hungry. Entering the kitchen, Ada shouted rule 1!Obinna responded, study the labels of containers before use.They left.I found out I had used salt,floor and baking butter for ground sugar,powdered milk and margarine respectively.I made the remaining three packs of indomie remaining with four teaspoonfuls of ground peper.They had just tasted the food at the dining when they started crying.Ada mistakingly used her fork on her eyes instead of hand and that compounded her woes.Rule 2,tell the new cook you do not take lots of pepper before she commences cooking I said and continued with my meal.

Episode 5
I entered the bathroom and turned on the shower. My back almost peeled from the hotness of the water that rained on me.I gave out a loud bitter cry.The kids at the door said"rule 3,before turning on the shower, tell the kids you want either cold,warm or hot bath".Ada came in later to adjust the shower.I flogged her with my toothbrush afterwards.I realized after bathing the kids had locked the door.I counted 10 for them to open the door.At the 10th count the shouted in unison" never abuse the kids,rule 4".I had played music while bathing. I played music and games.I stayed in the bathroom,sitting on an inverted bucket for more than eight hours.They opened the door and I chased them unknown to me their mum was back.They hugged their mum welcome. I felt stupid seeing my aunty and she too was astonished.
She was angry I was taking my birth at 5:00 pm.I told her it was my night bath and that I had read all day.I was to do all other things she asked me to,including making super after bathing as that was my plan.In the kitchen ,she asked the kids why they did not take lunch.I fed then well in the morning that they refused lunch rule 4 I answered.Rule 4 aunty questioned. Yes ma,I'm trying to memorise the rules of English grammar. I was sad I had not read a line throughout the day and worse still we were to make dinner.I took the bitterleaf soup to the dining.Obinna brought hot water for washing hands which his dad was angry at.I am sorry sir,aunty Ada had asked me to get hot water rule 5 he answered.His dad furiously looked at me.Sir,each time Ada and I calls a rule number,it helps aunty Ada recall the rule in English grammar. I am sorry uncle,we use hot water to disinfect our hands before eating garri and soup.OK what is rule 5 he quizzed me.Uncle please the soup is burning on the fire. My aunty came in saying she has put the stove off.So what is rule 5 Ada asked and I would also want to know rule 6.Table manners,come to my room later for the lecture I answered.

Episode 6

I hurried my meal as to study. I felt sleepy but struggled to grab some lines of my literature in English. I heard the sound of cat.Turning I saw two terrific figures.I passed out.I have been asthmatic from birth.I woke up in a pool of water feeling cold.Ada was telling their parents I had told them pouring cold water on me alleviated My crisis. What! I yelled.Rule 7 Obinna said and every one bursted into laughter at the rule game which their parents never knew it never existed.Ada you read for long .You will be resting in parlour where your uncle studies since your AC is not in good condition. Ma,I am okay I responded with cloudy eyes.My dear,for your health's sake come with me my uncle said.Aunty Ada,take care of your self. You have learnt your lessons up till rule 8 today, tomorrow we will help you learn rule 9 Obinna said.I had not read even a rule completely throughout that day.I starred at the ceiling for long before drifting to the wonder land. My phone rang and woke me up in the morning. Pearl,my friend and classmate flashed me.I was angry with myself. Going to my room,I met my cousins. I took them to my room.Please,I am sorry for all that has transpired. I came Here mainly to study and my exam is tomorrow at 7:00am.I am satisfied with the 9 rules we have learnt so far.I pleaded with a pitiful countenance. Taking us to Chitis eatery inside school, will end this interesting rules in English grammar Obinna voiced quietly.I agreed since I was at the losing end. We left for the eatery as soon as their parents left for work.They showed me some places like banks, female hostels and the Nnamdi Azikiwe library which I learnt is the biggest in West Africa.I was to write my exam in the same venue the following day.Give us two cups of ice cream I ordered. I love ice cream but would not order since I had only a thousand naira on me.Oh no aunty,let us make our choice rule 9b Ada retorted. The went to the counter to make their order.

Happy reading to this point.Your comments and critics are welcome.

Oh Brother, you had me laughing hard in the middle of the night. It was really great

shalomdee ,thanks so so much.More updates coming.

Episode 7

They came back with three plates of fried rice with chicken, three plates of ice- cream,a freshly baked bread and one big 5Alive juice. They had opened all of them .Enjoy yourselves the waitress said and left.Yes aunty,we got them in threes Ada replied.How was I suppose to enjoy when I can't pay for all of that.I excused myself for the rest room and from there trekked home happily. At home ,I realised they had collected the keys earlier.Oh my! I grinned.I walked back to Chitis wearily. They had cleared the table and were now held behind the counter.Feels good,we gave you lessons on rule 10 and you in turn taught us rule 11 Obinna said.Rule 10 is great,Ada replied. Everything costs #3950 and I am afraid your siblings have to stay with us till you clear the debt.I collected the keys from the kids who were laughing.Your laughter will end in tears I told them and started my second journey home to rest then study.They laughed the more. They must realise that when the goat decides to grow beard along side the owner, on the market day,it shall be decided who will drag the other to the market I murmured.

These kids must be wicked.They are jeopardizing my career.Tears ran down my cheek into my mouth. They had removed the keys to my room which had all my books and the kitchen's too.I was famished and my throat was extremely dried. I cried for long regretting why mum brought up the non-profiting idea of coming to uncle Victor's house to study.It had done more harm and I could not place a finger on the good either. I was now having a headache. I bought bottled water,biscuits and zobo in a kiosk outside with the #1000 I had. I slept off on the couch to rest.My aunty woke me up.It was 5:19pm on my wristwatch.Where are the kids and the key to the kitchen she interrogated. The kids are with it outside, let me get them.I hurried out immediately to avoid further questions. With my ATM,I withdrew #5000.I paid the debt ,woke up the sleeping kids and we started our way home.We boarded a shuttle and went home without almost exchange of breath talk more of words. They told their mum,I had asked them to visit the neighbours rule 12.Ma,they were disturbing my reading and that was the only option left rule 13 ;I answered my aunty's searching eyes.I must surely flog you kids today since you cannot keep calm.Ada is it only the rules in English grammar that you study?My aunty asked.No ma,I responded.

Episode 8

We had spaghetti for super. We accompanied uncle Victor to the airport.He had a conference to attend the next day in Abuja.My aunty with her heavy pregnancy drove us home.I got to my room at 9:56pm.I took a cup of hot black coffee,dipped my legs in refrigerated water and ate bitter cola.
I planned to study till day break.I was still in the first paragraph of my fella 909 which is an English text when my aunty entered. 'Nne',you need rest your head for maximum performance tomorrow. You have been studying too hard for my liking she said. In a flash her labour began. I was doomed and devastated. I called their neighbour a professor who drove us all to the school's clinic. An hour later she gave birth to a baby boy.The baby was a replica of her mum save for the narrow nose of the dad which he took after.We stayed in the hospital all through the night.May be I have to spend a year at home before entering university ,I thought. Early in the morning I took the kids home.They knew I was angry,I never responded to their Greetings.

Don't worry aunty,we will help you Obinna said.I snobbed them and entered my room to dress.I came out later with my past questions and file containing my documents. The kids were waiting for me in front of my room dressed. You guys are sure going nowhere with me! I yelled.I boarded a shuttle to the library.Alighting from the shuttle,I heard my cousins calling me.They had taken a shuttle too.They followed me.There were too many students that I began to lose hope even before my exams. Do not break your head about the population.You will surely make it,besides our state cutoff is usually lower Obinna said.I felt relieve but still maintained my expressionless face.I was not sure they had stopped their games. They were yet to start calling the students in.Ada went with a guy they knew who had applied too to the gate.I sat under a tree with Obinna.Obinna asked me questions from the past questions and made corrections for the ones I failed.The questions were objectives. We were in the last subject literature when Ada came running. They just started calling the O's.My surname Okegbe starts with' O'.We continued revising as we walked to the gate.I hugged them passionately and gave them my books and file.I was called.We will wait for you Obinna shouted, best of luck Ada screamed as I entered the hall.The lecturers and some students started laughing. I became a ludic character.

Episode 9


Most of my questions came from the past questions.I had two questions left unanswered when my system shut down. I received a cold plastic cold fanta from my unpredictable cousins. You need to cool your head Ada said;and more importantly forget about all of rules of English grammar.We all laughed and started home.The house was filled.Some lecturers were going in while others were coming out. The atmosphere was condensed with happiness. Ada cried that she was no longer the last.You are the only girl dear and that is a platform to be happy.We played ludo.Obinna made 3 points while I and Ada made 2 points each.My uncle came back that night.We welcomed him with the milked popcorn and chilled orange juice we made. The kids slept in my room that night. My uncle barged into my room in the morning without knocking. He had my result scratch card and had checked my result.I scored 318 out of 400.Big congrats to the latest mass communication student he shouted that the baby woke from his sleep.The kids rained water on me pursuing me around the flat. It was their way of saying congrats.

The kids kept crying as I packed.They wanted me to stay longer but I needed help out my parents as an only child. I needed prepare for school that would start in two months time.Do not worry,I will stay here no longer the hostel and you guys will join me home for Christmas I tried to pacify them.I gave Ada my wrist watch and promised Obinna one as soon as I resumed school. Your mum needs you now and more so your baby Chimnonso I added.My uncle was to drive me to the park then go to work. The kids could not accompany me to the park as planned.They took my bags to the trunk of the car.I hugged them goodbye. They cried more. I kept looking back as they waved me goodbye until they were no longer in sight.It had been fun all through and I hoped to be back soonest.A drop of tear ran into my mouth it tasted salty. This time we have to learn the rules in another subject or topic but not 13 rules of grammar in English language.

End
Thanks for reading to the end.Your comments and critics(c & c) are welcome.