WAS a good person.

But then I was bullied.

In the end I had enough.

I proceeded to (years later) send a message to my bullies, wishing death upon them/ mocking their dead relatives.

Two of those people I did not know them but I disliked their lifestyle and they reminded me of my bullies, so I wished death upon them and mocked their dead relatives.

Even in arguments with my loved one (we has a difficult relationship at times) I told them many times I wish they would have a heart attack and die. Of course I did not mean it and I did the absolute most to make them happy, I just said that evil thing during the arguments out of anger.

Fast forward a few years later that loved one I was talking about has a heart attack and dies.

Now I am left with feeling SHAME, I feel punished by karma/God and that my enemies and ex bullies are laughing at me.

I feel guilty that I somehow caused this persons death.

I feel confused though, why did my power of words not come into play when I begged for forgiveness from God/karma even sent a sorry message to a few of the people I insulted...why was I not forgiven?

Why did my power of words not come into play when I determined total healing for that person etc?

Or what about all the good I did?

Please help me, I don't know how I can go on without this person

well from the common sense point of view you're not guilty,she probably had an heart issue before and it just manifested itself.
but please be careful with the things you say, there's power really in the tongue and trust me it may be possible your words are powerful.
many of us have also been bullied in the past and trust me we all know how it feels,so no matter how angry you are at a bully hold your tongue,let karma work for you.
most of my bullies aren't even close to where I am today by the grace of God. so I implore you to stop feeling bad about what happened.and look at the brighter side.for they're lessons to learn from things.once more be careful with the words of your mouth.