Hi folks, need a little advise here.

I am a married guy earning an average income. I send my mother an average of 30k each month, but it doesn't last 2 weeks before she starts complaining it is exhausted. She then starts blackmailing me saying I want to make her hungry. She is thinking its my wife preventing me from sending more. She works as a teacher and has no responsibilities as we are all married. I am not even aware of how much my other siblings are sending.

It has gotten to a point that my salary doesn't last till 20th of the month, yet mother is still putting pressure on me to send more. I have been sending her money monthly since I started working 6 years ago. I was also paying my sibling's school fees before she graduated.

I don't have a land or house neither do I have any savings to buy one. My mother has built her own house. I am currently in my thirties and I am thinking of cutting her off for a while so I can at least do something good for my self.

Kindly let me know how much you send your parents monthly to judge if I am not being a good son.

Thanks.

Ahnahn...wah kinda mother is that one?
She's just like my grandma, Smh.

She then starts blackmailing me saying I want to make her hungry. She is thinking its my wife preventing me from sending more.

I expected that.
You're doing your best, you're a very good son. Women (mothers) are very good at blackmails. They will tell you how they cried in the labour room, had sleepless nights and breast-fed you. Most times they go for the weakest person, usually the son. My mum doesn't try that with me, before she starts _ I tell her to align well, but you see my brother, she has finished that guy with blackmail. I had to sit him down and advise him, I don't want his future wife fighting battles she knows nothing about.

The thing with family is, you can never satisfy them. Do your best and leave the rest. Secure your now and your future. After a decade in whatever work you're doing and you have nothing to show for it, they'll be there to mock you again.

Your first responsibility is your immediate family.
This path you're treading has ruined so many family men.

Don't cut her off completely, don't ever do that. I won't support that, your wife shouldn't either. Keep giving what you can give. You didn't address it prior to marriage, any adjustment after marriage would lead to your wife being called the witch.

My husband was like you years ago, he shares to married sisters join. They don't stop till he has no more to spare. Whenever he doesn't give, they come for me. One day, a sister he used to send school fees for her 3kids came to our town. He asked her what she came to do, she said she came to see how far they have gone with their house. They were building a duplex. My husband didn't eat well for 1week, he kept saying duplex, duplex .

Me I no even get work talk less of to send my parents money. I envy you o.

PaperLace:


I expected that.

You're doing your best, you're a very good son. Women (mothers) are very good at blackmails. They will tell you how they cried in the labour room and breastfed you. Most times they go for the weakest person, usually the son. My mum doesn't try that with me, before she starts _ I tell her to align well, but you see my brother, she has finished that guy with blackmail.

The thing with family is, you can never satisfy them. Do your best and leave the rest. After a decade in whatever work you're doing, you have nothing to show for it, they'll be there to mock you again.

This story got me laughing
U don't mean it
They were actually building a duplex

You made me laugh cause I just remembered my mum telling my elder bro how She will act in his house n disturb him and his wife

Its part of being her son buh if you're tired,while not have a talk with her n explain your situation,m sure she'll understand your plight, since u now have your immediate family to take care off

If u earn much she deserves more.
Also depends on how many people feeding on the cash @home
Bcoz things are so fvckin xpensive naw!

NIGHTMAREOO7:
If u earn much she deserves more.
Also depends on how many people feeding on the cash @home
Bcoz things are so fvckin xpensive naw!

If he earns much, he won't be broke before 20th of the month after releasing just 30k. If she doesn't earn much(enough), she won't have money to build a house.

OP, doesn't have ordinary land.

MhizzAJ:


This story got me laughing
U don't mean it
They were actually building a duplex

Yes _they were building a duplex. He would have felt better if it were a bungalow, 'cos he kept emphasising on the duplex, haha.

pls don't stop sending money to your mum. she is eating the fruit of her labour. however, you have to be firm ,she is using emotional blackmail for you.

you are a good son

haha

the way I see it, you may end up living in one of your mother's plenty bungalows.

You won't realize how much your mom has invested on lands and properties until your landlord evicts you and your family.

Keep falling for cheap blackmails at the detriment of your own family. It is either she's investing secretly on properties (while you remain a tenant), or she's been duped by a spiritualist somewhere. Confront her, try to know what she spends her money on and always remember this: there are several ways to show appreciation to one's parent.

akankemi1:
pls don't stop sending money to your mum. she is eating the fruit of her labour . however, you have to be firm ,she is using emotional blackmail for you.

you are a good son

I'm going to ban this statement in my home. Nobody will demand any fruit from anybody, everyone will work out their own "salvation".

Heart breaking....

Every parent wants to eat from their children, it's a thing of joy if a child provides for them, but it should never be at the detriment of their child.
Your mum has been unfair to you. Infact, ask her to borrow you 2 million naira. Tell her you need to buy a plot of land, and start doing something for yourself. Even if she says she has no money, you would have passed a message across to her that things aren't so rosy for you, and you also need epp.

Op just do your best, don't cut them off completely. Just make it known to your mom that you can only give what you can afford. Also sound a note of warning to them to stop accusing your wife wrongly.
Men should never allow their parents or siblings come between them and their wives, same way they should never allow their wives to interfere in their relationship with their extended families.

This how some ppl will just create problem for their wife and daughter in law.

Since you know your mom is like that, you would have addressed this before getting married, your innocent wife will just bear the brunt of this decision you want to take.
Your mum is being inconsiderate and selfish (sorry to say), deep in her, she knows that with you being married things will change, you have more responsibility and your own family for crying out loud, but she won't fail to point fingers at your wife. She's not feeding anyone, gets money from your siblings too yet, she complains. Haba!

Don't cut her off, no matter what she will always be your mother, but set your priorities right, invest for your self and children, send her what you can afford every month, I repeat every month, no matter how small it's, send something for her, then turn deaf ear to her complains.

Each time I hear about PEOPLE'S MUM, I value my mum more....

Because it seems she's the only mother that has no issues

Lawlahdey:
Ahnahn...wah kinda mother is that one?
She's just like my grandma, Smh.

it seems she wants you to payback what she spent on you, pls be paient, try to bring her to understand and if possible ask for support from ur siblins

Have a heart-to-heart talk.Let her understand that you have a family to cater for. Reach a compromise.

Bro, this your write up was me about 5years ago. I was. Paying for my junior one school fee at the university at the same time give my mum monthly allowance . I got married and continue at the detriment of my immediate family . It was until i changed it for my mum by cutting her off for some years( since she has her own source of income too) that i was able to think straight and build my own family. To the glory if God today i have a house and other investment. **Remember your immediate family comes first**

...

@Pzone, parents can be funny.

I think you should start saving even if it reduces your mum's allowance. Thank your stars you are not her only kid, ask her to get some from her other children.

Your mum has been living on her salary before you go to that stage. She can definitely survive on it. Don't let her blackmail hr. Parents are very good with that sort of a thing. You need to start saving up for your future which includes yourself and your children.

Lool I laughed so hard at paperlace story.



I can only imagine the way the man kept saying Duplex! Duplex!! Duplex!!!

I just don't understand why mothers don't know that once their son gets married responsibilities increases and they may not have much to spare as before.

Op don't fall for blackmail, do what you can afford shikena.

Mothers are demi gods, yes, but please do not fall for her blackmail, 30k a month for someone who has no big responsibility is enough,coupled with the fact that your other siblings are sending something too.

Africa my Africa, she thinks maybe your wife is manipulating you already so don't take a fight off with her,sit her down and explain that you have responsibilities, plans for the future that involves money....if she doesn't understand then you have to apply wisdom and diplomacy so that your wife won't get caught up in the "cross fire"...tell her you'll definitely do more when you start earning more

Harsh as it may sound, your primary responsibility is your nuclear family, salary not lasting till the 20th of the month is a red flag..
I give me my a little above what you give yours and she knows she mustn't ask me for more or else I'll burst to tears o, na management level everywhere
Wisdom is profitable to direct

jahlid:
Bro, this your write up was me about 5years ago. I was. Paying for my junior one school fee at the university at the same time give my mum monthly allowance *

My mum tried this with me, I was paying most of my sisters bill in school, one day,she saw my payslip, I just changed it that no elder sister trained me in school o,so its not my primary responsibility to train my sisters, she cried ehn, but she got my message, I still pay the fees though but she knows I'm doing it as help to blood not as a responsibility..sometimes one just need to set the record straight oo

NoToPile:
Lool I laughed so hard at paperlace story.



I can only imagine the way the man kept saying Duplex! Duplex!! Duplex!!!

I just don't understand why mothers don't know that once their son gets married responsibilities increases and they may not have much to spare as before.

Op don't fall for blackmail, do what you can afford shikena.

Who told you they don't know?
They know! It's plain SUPERIORITY COMPLEX. Have you ever wondered why they rarely take that attitude to their daughters home? It's either their daughter sends them back, the man sends both her and the daughter away or she behaves herself , 'cos the man will definitely not take that in HIS HOUSE.

I said it once that a greater percentage of MIL-DIL dispute is as a result of poor leadership and management skills by men. Women are very pro-family, once you want to do anything that'll be detrimental to their family, they attack. Not men that'll be doing diplomacy, while their wives receive better slap.

My mum came for omugwo and was doing things that made my husband uncomfortable, I called her aside and told her. She kept doing it, I told her politely she'll go if she doesn't stop. Now imagine if that happened in my brother's house. Imagine if it were my MIL. The wife will be told to manage, that's after being accused of manipulating the son. They know what they are doing o, they know!

Haha, the DUPLEX pain the guy.

@op.

Stop sending your mother money. Yes, stop it.

You aren't the only child she's got. Your siblings send her money AND your mother has got a job, so she certainly isn't destitute. Your mother is obviously living well above her means, and you sending her money you can't afford is enabling her spending spree.

Yes, we get it that you love your mother and don't wish to see her suffer (which child would?) but you can't keep attempting to fund her lifestyle to the detriment of yours and your immediate family.

I would have suggested you stop sending her cash but instead send her foodstuff as her main complaint is that she's hungry/starving - but you can't even afford that can you? Not with your salary hardly lasting you till the 20th?

So how do you & your family survive from the 20th to payday?? How do you feed?? Use that 30k you send your mother to sustain you and your family to month end.

In the meantime let your mother know that you too are struggling and can barely make ends meet. Ask her if she wants you to resort to begging or borrowing from money lenders. Ask her what she does with the money she receives from you, your siblings, and her teaching job.

Suggest to her that if she's really that hard up, she should consider selling off one of her properties (houses).

Have a meeting with your brothers and sisters, let everybody say what they send she may be blackmailing them too.

Sit with your mom and find out how much she needs for light, water food and all in a month, then share among yourselves.

One pastor is definately eating her money and till you people stop supplying the money they will keep demanding more

PaperLace:


Who told you they don't know?
They know! It's plain SUPERIORITY COMPLEX. Have you ever wondered why they rarely take that attitude to their daughters home? It's either their daughter sends them back, the man sends both her and the daughter away or she behaves herself , 'cos the man will definitely not take that in HIS HOUSE.

I said it once that a greater percentage of MIL-DIL dispute is as a result of poor leadership and management skills by men Women are very pro-family, once you want to do anything that'll be detrimental to their family, they attack. Not men that'll be doing diplomacy, while their wives receive better slap.

My mum came for omugwo and was doing things that made my husband uncomfortable, I called her aside and told her. She kept doing it, I told her politely she'll go if she doesn't stop. Now imagine if that happened in my brother's house. Imagine if it were my MILThe wife will be told to manage, that's after being accused of manipulating the son. They know what they are doing o, they know!

Haha, the DUPLEX pain the guy.

You are right but men( most) will never accept this your statement


I can only imagine, you will hear its my sons house ,you want to separate my son from me and that's the beginning of a war in that family that will never end.

when a mother has both a male and female child , she behaves and comports well in her daughters home, respect their decisions but when it comes to their male child they change completely how that switch occurs is a mystery .

You cannot fund your mum's lifestyle if she cannot manage. You have other siblings that are probably giving her money. You guys should come together...ask how much they give her and how you guys can come to an agreement on how much to give her.
Then you people should also talk to her. She is earning a salary...what is she using her money for? Ask her if she doesn't want you to have your own house and take care of your families.
With the way you are going,you will be 65 and still living in a rented apartment without even a land of your own all because your mother feels she has a right to your money.
You need to be firm and straightforward with her or else she will keep controlling you. You are a man with a family. You need to make decisions that will benefit them cos you are no longer alone. Or didn't her own husband build a house?

Acidosis:


I'm going to ban this statement in my home. Nobody will demand any fruit from anybody, everyone will work out their own "salvation".

You are blessed.
I have erased that statement in my home.
My children will eat their food.

Lawlahdey:
Ahnahn...wah kinda mother is that one?
She's just like my grandma, Smh.

my grandma is like that too. Give her money now, she will still tell you she trecked to church or to the market because she didn't have money. But if you check Tue bag she came back from church with you will see more that 5k. She will have more than half a mil in her account and still ask someone to lend her 20k cos she doesn't have any food in the house.
Her children and we her grand kids know her very well.
I think it a old age

And carry their crosses.

Acidosis:


I'm going to ban this statement in my home. Nobody will demand any fruit from anybody, everyone will work out their own "salvation".