The status and rights of the mother do not supersede the rights of the husband, rather the husband’s rights are greater and take precedence over your mother’s rights. Your obedience to him takes precedence over your obedience to her, and the wise wife strives to please her husband by doing what he wants so long as it is not contrary to sharee’ah, and she strives to honour her mother in ways that do not go against her husband’s commands. If there is a conflict of interest, then she should put her husband’s commands and wishes first.

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked about a woman who got married, and was no longer under her parents’ care. Which is better – honouring her parents or obeying her husband?

He replied: When a woman gets married, her husband has more authority over her than her parents, and obeying her husband is more obligatory for her. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allaah and to their husbands), and guard in the husband’s absence what Allaah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity and their husband’s property)” [al-Nisa’ 4:34]. And in a hadeeth the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “This world is temporary conveniences and the best of its comforts is a believing wife, who when you look at her she pleases you and if you tell her to do something she obeys you, and if you are away from her she protects you with regard to herself and your wealth.”. In Saheeh Abi Haatim it is narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If a woman offers her five (daily prayers) and fasts her month and guards her chastity and obeys her husband, she will enter Paradise from whichever of its gates she wants.” In al-Tirmidhi it is narrated that Umm Salamah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: Any woman who dies when her husband is pleased with her, will enter Paradise.” This was narrated by al-Tirmidhi, who said it is a hasan hadeeth. It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If I were to order anyone to prostrate to anyone, I would have ordered women to prostrate to their husbands.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi who said it is a hasan hadeeth. It was also narrated by Abu Dawood with the wording: “I would have ordered women to prostrate to their husbands because of the rights that Allaah has given them over them.” In al-Musnad it is narrated from Anas that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “It is not acceptable for any human to prostrate to another, but if it were acceptable for any human to prostrate to another, I would have ordered women to prostrate to their husbands, because of the greatness of the rights they have over them. By the One in Whose hand is my soul, if there were sores from his feet to the top of his head flowing with pus, then she licked them, she would not have given him all his rights.”

And he quoted ahaadeeth about the virtue of obeying the husband.

There are many ahaadeeth on this topic from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). Zayd ibn Thaabit said: The husband is a sayyid (lord or master) in the Book of Allaah. Then he quoted the verse (interpretation of the meaning): “They both found her lord (i.e. her husband) at the door” [Yoosuf 12:25]. ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab said: Marriage is slavery, so let one of you look to whom he is giving his beloved daughter to be a slave to. In al-Tirmidhi and elsewhere it is narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “I urge you to treat women well, for they are like prisoners with you.”

So the woman is like a slave of her husband, or like a prisoner; she should not go out of his house without his permission, whether she is told to do so by her father, her mother or anyone else, according to scholarly consensus.

If a man wants to take her to another place, so long as he is doing what is required of him, and observing the sacred limits of Allaah with regard to her, and her father tells her not to obey him in that, then she must obey her husband and not her father, because in that case the parents are wrongdoers, and they have no right to tell her not to obey someone like this husband, and she does not have the right to obey her mother if she tells her to leave him or to cause trouble to him so that he will divorce her, such as demanding more maintenance and more clothing, and demanding (the deferred portion of) her mahr so that he may divorce her. It is not permissible for her to obey either of her parents by divorcing him if he fears Allaah with regard to her.

In the four Sunans and Saheeh Ibn Abi Haatim it is narrated that Thawbaan said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who asks her husband for a divorce when there is nothing wrong, the fragrance of Paradise will be forbidden to her.” According to another hadeeth: “The women who ask for khula’ and the women who make a wanton display of themselves are indeed hypocrites.”

But if both or one of her parents tells her to do something that involves obedience to Allaah, such as praying regularly, speaking the truth and fulfilling trusts, and tells her not to squander or waste her money, and other things that have been enjoined or forbidden by Allaah and His Messenger, then she must obey them in that, even if the command comes from someone other than her parents, so how about if it comes from her parents?

If her husband tells her not to do something that is enjoined by Allaah, and he tells her to do something that Allaah has forbidden, then she should not obey him in that. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience towards the Creator.” If a master orders his slave to do something that involves disobedience towards Allaah, it is not permissible for him to obey him by disobeying Him, so how can a woman obey her husband or one of her parents by committing sin? All goodness is in obeying Allaah and His Messenger, and all evil is in disobeying Allaah and His Messenger. End quote. Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (32/261-264).

This is a strong answer based on knowledge, and it is sufficient to explain what is meant, which is that it is not permissible for your mother to spoil the relationship between you and your husband, and it is not permissible for you to obey her in that, and your husband’s right to your obedience is greater than your mother’s.