Let me start by telling you how I found myself in this indecisive situation. I grew up with a strict aunt with 3 kids, and I practically raised those kids from when they were babies. I wasn’t in school or learning a skill but I was determined to be someone in life, then I met the love of my life ( or so I thought ). He was my God-sent; not only did he help me through school, on holidays I attended a hair styling school.

He helped re-align my life and I was blindly and madly in love. He asked me to marry him and I didn’t think twice before accepting his proposal. My aunt didn’t raise any dust because he ‘settles’ her and her family well. Throughout our courtship, there was no sexual intimacy.

We got married after courting for a couple of years. 1, 2, 3 years passed and there was no pregnancy. I was beginning to get worried, so we saw medical specialists. Lo and behold, my husband is the one with the complications. Prior to this period, my mother-in-law thought I was the root cause of our inability to conceive but I decided to keep his secret, and we opted to adopt a baby.

I got back from work on a Thursday and found the house empty……. totally empty! I thought my eyes were deceiving me. I drove to his mum’s house and she ordered the gate man not to open the gate for me. I called everyone but no one knew his whereabouts.

For a year and half I wasn’t myself…… I kept asking myself questions day in, day out…. I cried every night, even failed my Professional exams and then I told myself “Ruth, you are not getting any younger, you need to stand up!”.

I picked myself up, immersed myself in my job and passed my Professional exams. I became financially comfortable and met a great guy. At that point in my life, I just wanted kids and I got 2 from this man (who later turned out to be a wife beater)… 2 cute boys( aged 10 & who are making me proud.

Now I have met a wonderful man who lives abroad, and I am 40. I truly wish to bear him babies to call his own, though he treats my babies like his own. He is 42 years and has never been married before.

We will be legalizing our relationship in a month’s time and I pray and hope God answers my prayer to be a Mother again (fingers crossed).

P.S – I finally saw my ex-husband again, married without kids, he asked for my forgiveness and I have forgiven him after all who am I not to forgive….. we have finalized our divorce as well.

Read also https://imumzone.com/2017/10/17/birth-story-first-labour-experience/

Hope it all goes well for you @op and congratulations in advance

Question though: you mentioned that after 3 years of marriage, medical specialists confirmed the reason you and your ex-husband couldn't have kids was due to complications (from him).

You both went together to see the experts and I assume he was there when the news was delivered. So with him knowing he was the problem, why the disappearing act? For over a year? I don't get it.