This was written by Nkechi bianze,she is quite popular on fb and her write ups are always thought provoking to an average Nigeria.
The rise in the rate of divorce is a POSITIVE trend. A very positive one.
“For better for worse” has been a shield for very many assholes who hide under the guise of marriage to be the active devils in the lives of their spouses.
Dreams have been dashed.
People have lost their lives.
Families have lost their loved ones.
Children have been made fatherless/motherless or orphans. People have lost their wills to live.
Some people have been made depressed.
Some will live the rest of their lives in frustration, pains and misery.
If the rate of divorce has to be on the skyrocket high for less people to die or be sad in marriage, and less people to experience the above listed, then I think this is something to celebrate.
Anecdotal evidence from some studies reveal that societies with higher rate of divorce tend to have happier married couples. This is because those who are not happy are more likely to divorce. Not like in Nigeria where some women are so sad in their marriages, but they remain there and pray their husbands die so they can be “free”. Because they would rather be widows than divorcees. One comes with pity, while the latter comes with a stigma.
The average married British woman is much happier than the average married Nigerian woman. Yet, the rate of divorce is less in Nigeria compared to what it is in Britain.
Most often then not, the rise in the rate of divorce is NOT a negative sign.
I have never been married. But when I get married, DIVORCE WOULD BE AN OPTION for me. The moment I start feeling frustrated by the virtue of my marriage, and my husband and I are either reluctant or unable to work it out, I am out!
Life is too short to live miserably just to count years of marriage.
Whatever vow that I’m going to take would NOT involve staying put in a marriage where my spouse is clearly intentionally doing everything to make me sad, frustrated and ruined.
Success in marriage is a matter of how happy the couples are in their marriages, not how many years they’ve been married.
A person who has been married for 50years but has been sad in 49 of those 50 years FAILED IN MARRIAGE. Much more of a failure than people who were married for less than 5years but were happy 90% of the time.
When we say “Divorce is not an option”, we make it sound like marriage is a bondage. And it makes marriage seem extremely unpleasant.
Divorce is the way out of an unpleasant marriage. Since we acknowledge that not all marriages are or will be pleasant, it’s common sense for us to accept a way out.... as a side option for those who might need it.
For as long as some married people remain assholes, divorce will continue to increase.
Stop telling victims of domestic violence to remain in their marriages. Tell people to stop being violent.
Stop telling wives of cheating husbands to remain with their cheating husbands. Tell husbands to stop cheating.
Stop telling people to tolerate irresponsible spouses. Tell people to be responsible.
Not everyone is ready to trade their lives and happiness all in the name of “For better for worse”. “For better for worse” includes in sickness and in health, and some other conditions that are beyond human control. It does NOT include “When s/he cheats on you and beats you to pulp”. It’s does NOT include when he tries to kill you. For better for worse does NOT include any intentional act by your spouse to make your life miserable.
Timi Dakolo or whatever he is called should go focus on his music. That he had a shortcut to stardom by same generation he refers to as impatient doesn’t make him a wise man. Let him leave words of wisdom for wise people.
- Nkechi Bianze