A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous
On the pulpit,I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass.
If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the
door:



1) Sip the vodka,don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.

David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me" .

12)The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry,.

13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

dm , you my friend need a shrink , you nearly killed me , nice one

He shoulda told him nt 2 gulp earlier, medicine after death bt the pastor wuz damn good dats d spirit

Hmmmm.

scratches ass damn funny keep sailing

lmao

Eh bobo, wheres your middle finger?

nice joke and nasty clems

na wa oh, who go ressurect this joke from 2005?? its nice though

lmao. there are some funny jokes about literal translations too. u kno those churches where a yoruba is preaching and there is english translation.

laughed so hard my sides hurt

Priest is free to paraphrase, innit?

Nice