Please can you help me answer something that is troubling me, I would really appreciate any feedback/ comments/ thought:

I have a nigerian husband, I am white.  We have been married for 2 years only and married relatively quickly after a short courtship.

He is from a reasonably wealthy background and I am starting to question his sense of reality because he is very childish.  His childishness only became apparent once I got pregnant when he showed no interest.  He operates so singularly like hes a single man.  He tells me little.   With our child he doesnt help much tho now the child is getting older he is playing with him more.  He doesnt do much housework.  He also doesnt seek to help me carry bags when he sees I am struggling.  It is very strange to me.  It is almost like he lives in his own little world.

Any thoughts?   

How did you know he is from a wealthy background?

Have you been to nigeria?

How long did you date for?

I am married to the man

Cant you read, i know you are married to the man, but im gonna ask you again, how did you knw he is from a wealthy background, have you been to nigeria b4, have you seen his family? have you seen the so caled wealth back home?'

yes I can read thank you I figured you would understand what married the man meant - you know had a big weddding party met the family! these things happen when you marry and yes i have

who paid for the wedding? did you do it nigeria ? and no those things dont always happen when you marry, you yourself should have figured that out, some pple get married with only 2 friends and no family as witnesses, some pple do it in court alone, you should know that by now, dont you?

my husband is nigerian and would never have done that and just take it from me his family is wealthy, no not in nigeria we live in the US

who sponsored the wedding? are all his family in the states? where r his parents?

jennykadry:

who sponsored the wedding? are all his family in the states? where r his parents?

jenny mama i hail o na u get thread interrogate go jare imagine i dey read gal story i dont even no how 2 tell her sey shes a payin maga no offence ooh poster na so truth b

how old is he and how old are you? (very important quetion)

@postr,beta answer d question and honestly 2.We r core Nigerians and we knw wht runs in Nigeria.
If u like born 12chldrn 4d guy,na we sabi wetin d guy dey aim.Abeg,ans ALL questions

Abis b4 u married him u guyz went out for how long?y i asked is dat maybe u were so in love with him dat u overlooked his defects thinkin that when u get married to him he will CHANGE.but i will advise u to sit down & hav a chat with him let him know how u feel about what happening in da house.

Why is she not answering the questions and where did she go? I swear some people are silly. They come asking for advice and dont answer the questions that can possibly help them. Then flee. Obviously poster you dont need help!

Why is she not answering the questions and where did she go? I swear some people are silly. They come asking for advice and dont answer the questions that can possibly help them. Then flee. Obviously poster you dont need help!

probably scared of being told the truth

jeez this forum is weird - do people not have a life outside their PC? do they have to sit on the PC 24/7 so they can respond in a timely manner i have a baby to take care of and dont have to answer to a bunch of "strangers" GET A LIFE

This has to be the most critical forum ive ever come across is this a nigerian thing i suspect! i experience this will my inlaws too everyone telling us what to from what to wear and what to eat!

abi2008:

jeez this forum is weird - do people not have a life outside their PC? do they have to sit on the PC 24/7 so they can respond in a timely manner i have a baby to take care of and dont have to answer to a bunch of "strangers" GET A LIFE

who really needs to get grab a life here

you asked a question and people actually tried to help you by asking you questions(clarifications) in order to understand/help you more cause you 'strange' thread was too vague and you rudely tell them to get a life

supposing you had one, do you think you would still be here asking 'strange' questions to "bunch of strangers"

jeezzz people and their fowl mouths sef

hahahahaha just what i execpted

So we are now STRANGERS abi then why did u ask 4 our help in d first place?na now u know say we no get work?wèrè elesè pepeye olorì nla.

abi2008:

Please can you help me answer something that is troubling me, I would really appreciate any feedback/ comments/ thought:

I have a nigerian husband, I am white.  We have been married for 2 years only and married relatively quickly after a short courtship.

He is from a reasonably wealthy background and I am starting to question his sense of reality because he is very childish.  His childishness only became apparent once I got pregnant when he showed no interest.  He operates so singularly like hes a single man.  He tells me little.   With our child he doesnt help much tho now the child is getting older he is playing with him more.  He doesnt do much housework.  He also doesnt seek to help me carry bags when he sees I am struggling.  It is very strange to me.  It is almost like he lives in his own little world.

Any thoughts?   

sorry to hear this but there are dozens of posts similar to this on this site as well as the other nigerian forums, not that unusual.  my hubby was the same way.  forget the backlash but it was to be expected, your foriegn and the claws come out when a non-nigerian complains about how a nigerian acts.

strangers to me well yes you are since i do not know you nor you know me - thats the definition of being a stranger.

thanks fo your post agathamari, its very interesting that a non-nigerian wife cannot complain about her husband without a backlash very interesting indeed. this site says it is for nigerians and friends of nigerians , oh well nevermind , with that in mind im wasting my time here so good luck people and i do hope in your life you too do not get "backlash" from white people if you are probably surrounded by esp. if you live in the US. From my experience nigerians, some, are not very popular amongst white people although gregarious they are seen as very arrogant and overbearing especially the women, I have never bought into that stereotype but ive been shocked at some of the responses her , its does nigerians as a group no justice whatever , and for the most part just because i am white/ foreign and i have a complaint about my husband (lucky those women who have perfect husbands)

Good day

abi2008:

strangers to me well yes you are since i do not know you nor you know me - thats the definition of being a stranger.

The word stranger is inappropriate in this context. Here we are family - black, white green or red! and that's why you feel safe and at ease to spill out your family problems and seek our opinions. And before anybody can give a candid opinion or offer a solution, they want to really know the root of the matter and understand the cause of the problem. I think that is what they're trying to do not chiding you.

strangers to me well yes you are since i do not know you nor you know me - thats the definition of being a stranger.

thanks fo your post agathamari, its very interesting that a non-nigerian wife cannot complain about her husband without a backlash very interesting indeed.  this site says it is for nigerians and friends of nigerians ,  oh well nevermind ,  with that in mind im wasting my time here so good luck people and i do hope in your life you too do not get "backlash" from white people if you are probably surrounded by esp. if you live in the US.  From my experience nigerians, some, are not very popular amongst white people although gregarious they are seen as very arrogant and overbearing especially the women, I have never bought into that stereotype but ive been shocked at some of the responses her ,  its does nigerians as a group no justice whatever ,  and for the most part just because i am white/ foreign and i have a complaint about my husband (lucky those women who have perfect husbands)

Good day

you sought help n then turned around to thrash talk those willing to help

your situation is not in any way "strange". the attitude displayed by u thus far gives everyone a clearer pic of why exactly your marriage is in shambles

goodluck

hysterical

hubby and i had a long talk last night for about three hours and i even showed him this site and what id asked he said that despite what one has said some of you are not true nigerians becaus if you were you wouldnt blast in such a way

oh well

signing off now have a good life!

@poster If you really know there's nothing more to this "problem" apart from the fact that he's being "childish",then i'll conclude that he's not doing it intensionally,neither is he doing it to hurt your feelings. Some men find it difficult adjusting to the new life marriage brings,especially those that felt they've been pressured into marriage when they're not ready personally,which i believe yours is not the case. I'll advice you let him know how you feel,and make him realise you need his attention and concern. Also try talk to someone close to him,prefarably in the US. Most importantly,you should always find time having fun,marriage is not all about responsibilities. . . .lest u'll be bored!

@Agatha I appreciate your input into trying to explain to the poster, that this is the norm on here but I don't think that your observation is entirely true. Not everyone on here is like that.

However as you rightly said, there is thread upon thread with stories like this and it is almost always the same thing. Foreign lady meets a Nigerian guy usually on the internet and they very quickly get married only to find that he isn't anywhere near what he said he was and in most of these cases, the man was only using the lady to obtain his papers.

@poster I don't think the girls were spitefully taking a pop at you, although I do agree that a few things could have been said with a little more tact, I believe that they just wanted to help and in order to do, so needed a bit more background information.

It seemed odd that you mentioned the wealthy background in the first sentence and I think that they picked up on that too. Nigerian weddings are rather large and most have over 1,000 guests. That is not to say that they grooms immediate family are wealthy and I think that is what they were trying to point out.

The comment about generalising Nigerians is not really nice because no one likes that, especially when generalising negatively. As I am sure you know, there are a few bad eggs that spoil things and this is why we sometimes get angry when we hear yet another story of a foreign wife being taken to the cleaners by yet another immigration paper seeking Nigerian man.

Please don't take things personal. As you rightly said we are all faceless people sitting behind our computers/laptops. Try and see past the odd one or two insults and banter & sift through replies and you will find lots of good answers & advise on this forum.

You are on the right path though with your husband. First things first is communication and lots of it. Let him know how you feel and take it from there.

Why are you people pussyfooting round this doofus of the century?

You came here to seek answer to something you said was troubling you re your husband's childish behaviour, the first respondent asked how long you'd known him and how sure you were of his wealthy background AND THE ONLY SARCASTIC CONDESCENDING RESPONSE YOUR TRAILER TRASH POTTY MOUTH COULD COME UP WITH IS "I MARRIED HIM"

Are you high on skunk or outta your anti-psychotic medication? And then you have the nerve to start alleging people must be jobless if they expect you to be online 24/7 to field your queries.
Dumbo, listen here and listen real good, this is a forum like you rightly said, and newsflash it is on the WWW with a population running into billions (HOPE YOU KNOW WHAT WWW MEANS) which your common sense should have told you would mean millions or even billions of people would always be online at any given time, so duh we ain't jobless.

DO you know the meaning of the word backlash which you have been bandying around? Did you just expect people to respond to your concern that "yes he is acting childish" or "no he is not acting childish" without probing a lil bit? Think everyone is like you who don't know what to do with their brain? Think you are the only thread starter here under scrutiny? You must surely think very highly of you and your low mentality.
And did you just say we Nigerians on this forum are overbearing, critical and arrogant like your meddling inlaws who are always telling you what to eat and wear, and your husband is still defending you? You are such a fuckwit, you and your husband deserve each other, misery loves company.

What's the relevance of this thread? since the thread starter and the responders are not in good terms, i think the aim of the thread has been defeated and thread should be LOCKED.

When you're ready to seek guinea advise, setup a new thread with clear info and what you need help on.

Good day.

agathamari:

sorry to hear this but there are dozens of posts similar to this on this site as well as the other nigerian forums, not that unusual.  my hubby was the same way.  forget the backlash but it was to be expected, your foriegn and the claws come out when a non-nigerian complains about how a nigerian acts.

oh give me a break! the OP is obviously not serious with her question and what exactly was the so called backlash on this thread

jennykadry:

How did you know he is from a wealthy background?

Have you been to nigeria?

How long did you date for?

player_007:

Abis b4 u married him u guyz went out for how long?y i asked is dat maybe u were so in love with him dat u overlooked his defects thinkin that when u get married to him he will CHANGE.but i will advise u to sit down & hav a chat with him let him know how u feel about what happening in da house.

Mudley313:

how old is he and how old are you? (very important quetion)

you call these backlash just to at least provide some more info on her question she could have at least chose some she wanted to answer or is it now a crime to ask someone question inorder to help them rubbish.

Busy_body:

Why are you people pussyfooting round this doofus of the century?

You came here to seek answer to something you said was troubling you re your husband's childish behaviour, the first respondent asked how long you'd known him and how sure you were of his wealthy background AND THE ONLY SARCASTIC CONDESCENDING RESPONSE YOUR TRAILER TRASH POTTY MOUTH COULD COME UP WITH IS "I MARRIED HIM"

Are you high on skunk or outta your anti-psychotic medication? And then you have the nerve to start alleging people must be jobless if they expect you to be online 24/7 to field your queries.
Dumbo, listen here and listen real good, this is a forum like you rightly said, and newsflash it is on the WWW with a population running into billions (HOPE YOU KNOW WHAT WWW MEANS) which your common sense should have told you would mean millions or even billions of people would always be online at any given time, so duh we ain't jobless.

DO you know the meaning of the word backlash which you have been bandying around? Did you just expect people to respond to your concern that "yes he is acting childish" or "no he is not acting childish" without probing a lil bit? Think everyone is like you who don't know what to do with their brain? Think you are the only thread starter here under scrutiny? You must surely think very highly of you and your low mentality.
And did you just say we Nigerians on this forum are overbearing, critical and arrogant like your meddling inlaws who are always telling you what to eat and wear, and your husband is still defending you? You are such a fuckwit, you and your husband deserve each other, misery loves company.

thank you jare!

@ Sissy

Thanks for quoting those "backlash" she claimed to have gotten o jare, and people are making her head swell the more by telling her not to take the insult personal and it is because she is white! ! !

You know what, this is one of those threads set up to smear Naija women as submissive doormats who takes nonsense and all kinda crap from their men, cos i don't see how her husband only not carrying her bag, and only not helping with housework constitutes childishness.

Wow!

OK,  poster you are the one coming on here asking for advice and people that try to help you, you insult. I hope your husband is f.ucking you over, I swear you are so damn daft.