As Christians / believers portrays a lifestyle, so as other Religion. God has called us to settle our relationship differences with each other. Here are five biblical steps or principle to restoring a broken relationship / fellowship.

1. TALK TO GOD BEFORE TALKING TO THE PERSON: Discuss the problem with God. If you will pray about the conflict first, instead of gossiping to a friend who might tell to another friend, you will often discover that either God changes your heart or he changes the other person without your help. All your relationship will go smoother if you will just pray more about them, just as David did with his psalms, James 5:13 use prayer to ventilate vertically. Tell God your frustration, He is never surprised or upset with your anger, hurt, insecurity, or any other emotions. So tell him exactly how you feel.

Through findings most conflict is rooted in unmet needs, some of these needs can only be met by God. When you expect anyone, maybe a friend, spouse, boss, or family to meet the needs only God can fulfill, you are setting yourself up for disappointment and bitterness. No one, I repeat no one can meet all your needs except God. The apostle James noted that many of our conflict are caused by prayerlessness; what cause fight among-st you? You want something but you don’t get it... You do not have, because you do not ask God. Instead of looking unto the lord, we look unto people to make us happy and then GET angry when they fail us: we forgot that God never fails; He says why don’t you come to me first. Matthew 6:8


2. ALWAYS TAKE THE INITIATIVE[/b]: It doesn’t matter whether you are the offender or the offended; God expect you to make the first move. Don’t wait for the other party go to them first, when a relationship is strained, plan a peace conference immediately, don’t procrastinate, make excuses or promises i.e. “I will get around it someday” schedule a face-to-face meetings ASAP. You see, delays only deepen resentment and makes matter worse. In conflict, time heals nothing, it causes hurt to fester. To act quickly also reduces damage to you, the bible says sin; including unresolved conflict blocks our togetherness and fellowship with God and keeps our prayers un-answered.
The success of a peace conference often depends on choosing the right time and place to meet, don’t meet when either of you is tired or rushed or will be interrupted, the best time is when you both are at your best.


3. [b]ATTACK THE PROBLEM, NOT THE PERSON: You can never get your point across by being cross, so you need to choose your words wisely. A soft answer is always better than a sarcastic one because you cannot fix the problem if you are consumed with fixing the blame. You must choose between the two (2).
In resolving conflict, how you say it is as important as what you say. If you say it offensively it will be received defensively, the bible says a wise, mature individual is known for his understanding. The more pleasant is words the more persuasive he his. Nagging or non-stop speech never works, you are never persuasive when you are abrasive.



4. SYMPATHIZE WITH THEIR FEELINGS: Make sure you use your ear more than your mouth. Before attempting to solve any dis-agreement you must first listen to people’s feelings “look out for one another interest, not just for your own. Don’t try to talk people out of how they feel at first, just listen and let them unload emotionally without being defensive. Nod that you understand even when you don’t agree. Feelings are not always true or logical. In fact, resentment makes us act and think in foolish ways. Patience comes from wisdom and wisdom comes from hearing the perspective of others. Listening says, “I value your opinion and I care about our courtship / relationship, and you matter much to me” the cliché is true: people don’t care what we know until they know we care.


5. EMPHASIZE RECONCILIATION, NOT RESOLUTION: It is unrealistic to expect everyone to agree about everything. Reconciliation focuses on the relationship, while resolution focuses on the problem, when we focus on reconciliation the problem losses its significance and often becomes irrelevant.
We can re-establish a relationship even when we are unable to resolve our differences, with or without our religious believes we often have legitimate, honest disagreement and offering opinions, but we can disagree without being disagreeable. The same diamond looks different from different angles. Let we all know unity, not uniformity, and we can walk arm-in-arm without seeing eye-to-eye on every issue. This does not mean you gave up on finding solution which can go on with debating and even discussing. But reconciliation means you bury the hatchet, not necessarily the issue.


FINAL THOUGHT: As to this short epistle, who do you need to contact? With whom do you need to restore oneness, fellowship, relationship, togetherness? Don’t delay another seconds. These quick steps are simple, but they are not easy. It takes a lot of effort in restoring a long gone relationship. That was why peter urged, “Work hard to live in peace with others” but when you work for peace, you are doing what God will do and that’s why God called peace makers his children. Roman 12:18
See You At The Top!

Money Before Love

we can always agree without being disagreeable !

maturity is living with the tension!