Don't know what to term this particular issue, with the current trend in marriages which results in divorce especially when no one wants to bow for the other in terms of decision making and the sorts.


Is it normal or okay for a lady to always make her opinion stand even after both parties might have deliberated on the matter.


I have seen many instances where married men even in old age (retired) says anything or does anything it stands be it good or bad nobody argues, only afterwards will the wife come close much later and tries to reason with him, he might decide to change his stance but it's left for the man and I see such marriages lasting almost forever.



I wanted to know if this is a red flag when a lady wants to be seen as an equal not as an assistant or less, with the whole gender equality thing going on. it's every man's joy to be the commander in chief in his home whether he is earning high or low and also if it's a red flag for a man also in the case of a lady


so I ask again should respect in a relationship or marriage be earned or given as in the days of old? heard this issue is what determines how long or far a relationship or marriage should go




please suggestions from seasoned couples and from the elderly would be gladly appreciated



please forgive my typos and use of English.

they said respect is reciprocal , but in marriage its expected for a wife to respect the husband as her senior partner , in a situation where the husband takes the respect for granted then it should be earned.

Hmph, I guess you're a young man. . . That was a brilliant question you asked. . . I am not one to discriminate against women. . . Even they deserve some respect. . . However, it must sink into everyone's mind that the husband and the wife are not equal. . . Mind you, I never said 'man and woman' are not equal. .You can have a female boss at work. . You must respect her. That said, the husband is the head of the wife. . A ship cannot have two captains. . That would only result into discord and rancour. . . The marriages of our parents stood the test of time because of respect. . .Never marry a woman will not submit to you no matter how succesful she is. . . But if you are already in the marriage, apply prayer 101

plavic:
Hmph, I guess you're a young man. . . That was a brilliant question you asked. . . I am not one to discriminate against women. . . Even they deserve some respect. . . However, it must sink into everyone's mind that the husband and the wife are not equal. . . Mind you, I never said 'man and woman' are not equal. .You can have a female boss at work. . You must respect her. That said, the husband is the head of the wife. . A ship cannot have two captains. . That would only result into discord and rancour. . . The marriages of our parents stood the test of time because of respect. . .Never marry a woman will not submit to you no matter how succesful she is. . . But if you are already in the marriage, apply prayer 101

I really appreciate your response sir, especially the last two sentences

but when a man has the mindset of what you said, the society especially the ladies see such a man as authoritative. these days it's difficult getting ladies like our mothers of old .

In my opinion, respect comes with being a husband or a wife. You both respect yourselves and each other.

jeff1607:



I really appreciate your response sir, especially the last two sentences

but when a man has the mindset of what you said, the society especially the ladies see such a man as authoritative. these days it's difficult getting ladies like our mothers of old .

Indeed sir, society at large used to frown at it but now, the so called effect of 'modernization' is the norm. . .

I've once said it before and now I repeat myself, "feminism is rebellion from the devil." It is one of his antics of causing discord in the societal echelons and order. . Sadly, even church women like female pastors, deaconesses, principals etc do not submit to their spouses at home; mixing secular or church works with their marital lives. . It takes a sound personal revelation of the scriptures to change them. This is why I mentioned "prayer".

And if by some twist of fate you are married to an idiot his idiotic decision should stand because he is the ‘authority’?
Respect is earned,it cannot be forced nor is it given by reason of genit alia.
If you conduct yourself with integrity,dignity and have a healthy dose of self worth,you won’t need to say too much for people to respect you.
Anyone waiting for automatic respect because of his privates is in for long thing.This is 2018,get with the programme.

Bible said "Husbands love your wives, Wives respect your husbands".

In marriage, Love and Respect is a duty we owe our partners respectively even when we think our partners don't deserve it.
It's very difficult but that's the honest truth.

I have taken my time to ponder on this subject, my conclusion is that a Woman MUST respect her husband for there to be happiness in the home, while a man must always show love and regard his wife as his partner in progress..

Any woman who isn't ready to be submissive to her husband should avoid marriage or go for a guy that "doesn't care" (but only God can tell how long that would last).

Submission to one's husband is not slavery, but a requirement for happy home. There must be hierarchy in every institutions and groups, from classroom to place of work, sociocultural groups and clubs etc.

While in Primary and Secondary schools, we all submitted to our class captains, who though were our equals but are positioned to ensure that things are well coordinated. We also submitted to school prefects, union leaders, class governors reps and other forms of leadership while in schools and accorded them maximum respect. Even in voluntary organisations, we submit to the Presidents/Coordinators and other Excos of the group.
In corporate organisations, public service, civil service etc, we all have authorities that we submit to and accord maximum respect. Why should family be different? Husbands and Wives must know their roles in a family.

The point is that the woman MUST submit to her husband and accord him with all respect necessary, while the man show her love and seek her opinion/advice on pertinent issues that affects the family.


My 1 kobo

imconfused:
And if by some twist of fate you are married to an idiot his idiotic decision should stand because he is the ‘authority’?
Respect is earned,it cannot be forced nor is it given by reason of genit alia.
If you conduct yourself with integrity,dignity and have a healthy dose of self worth,you won’t need to say too much for people to respect you.
Anyone waiting for automatic respect because of his privates is in for long thing.This is 2018,get with the programme.

My sister three gbosa for you I agree with you a 100%.

jeff1607:
Don't know what to term this particular issue, with the current trend in marriages which results in divorce especially when no one wants to bow for the other in terms of decision making and the sorts.


Is it normal or okay for a lady to always make her opinion stand even after both parties might have deliberated on the matter.


I have seen many instances where married men even in old age (retired) says anything or does anything it stands be it good or bad nobody argues, only afterwards will the wife come close much later and tries to reason with him, he might decide to change his stance but it's left for the man and I see such marriages lasting almost forever.



I wanted to know if this is a red flag when a lady wants to be seen as an equal not as an assistant or less, with the whole gender equality thing going on. it's every man's joy to be the commander in chief in his home whether he is earning high or low and also if it's a red flag for a man also in the case of a lady


so I ask again should respect in a relationship or marriage be earned or given as in the days of old? heard this issue is what determines how long or far a relationship or marriage should go




please suggestions from seasoned couples and from the elderly would be gladly appreciated



please forgive my typos and use of English.

I was looking at your profile and I saw this post.The thing is this in modern times you earn respect and it would not be given automatically to you because of your gender.Some women find it hard to respect a man because they do almost everything men do now unlike those days when men were the sole providers and the society seemed to favour them.Now times have changed and this is the 21st century where the campaign for gender equality and feminism has started I don't care whether people call it devil's whatever I am proud to be in a time where such a movement started so instead of men trying to see women as whom they are superior to or above it is high time such men begin to see their wives as their partners,best friends,confidant and practice an egalitarian relationship.Seriously no woman in this time and age would settle for a master-slave relationship.

Ladyhippolyta88:
I was looking at your profile and I saw this post.The thing is this in modern times you earn respect and it would not be given automatically to you because of your gender.Some women find it hard to respect a man because they do almost everything men do now unlike those days when men were the sole providers and the society seemed to favour them.Now times have changed and this is the 21st century where the campaign for gender equality and feminism has started I don't care whether people call it devil's whatever I am proud to be in a time where such a movement started so instead of men trying to see women as whom they are superior to or above it is high time such men begin to see their wives as their partners,best friends,confidant and practice an egalitarian relationship.Seriously no woman in this time and age would settle for a master-slave relationship.

Looking at my profile? Hope I never commit?


What you just stated here is really an eye-opener, but as you already know there can't be two captains in a ship, everyone now wants to take charge and no one wants to compromise?

If you were in such a situation, how would you remedy it, since no one wants to compromise? Walking away or staying put?

jeff1607:





Looking at my profile? Hope I never commit?


What you just stated here is really an eye-opener, but as you already know there can't be two captains in a ship, everyone now wants to take charge and no one wants to compromise?

If you were in such a situation, how would you remedy it, since no one wants to compromise? Walking away or staying put?

My honest opinion who says there can't be two captains in a ship one of them could be an assistant we even have co-pilots in a plane and besides two heads are better than one.Well to be honest I hate it when someone wants to control me if you want to tell me something just be polite and stop trying to control me because I would revolt.If I am in a situation where my husband does not have listening ears and I have tried to no avail and I am not happy I am out.This life is too short to be living in sadness,In this time and age when everybody wants to prove themselves surely everyone would want to take charge including me so in order to back me down convince me I know how to listen.I believe a lot of people especially women want partnership and would not settle for less.The marriage of my parents have been egalitarian and sometimes daddy would make a major decision and sometimes it would be mommy,till today I wonder who is heading who.Every couple has what would work for them so I don't believe it should be the standard of one person look for what would work for your relationship it could be understanding or communication etc.So it is not reserved for one gender alone because in some families the wife makes the final decision and outsiders don't know but when they are partners all these story would not come up because it is a level playing field.

Ladyhippolyta88:
My honest opinion who says there can't be two captains in a ship one of them could be an assistant we even have co-pilots in a plane and besides two heads are better than one.Well to be honest I hate it when someone wants to control me if you want to tell me something just be polite and stop trying to control me because I would revolt.If I am in a situation where my husband does not have listening ears and I have tried to no avail and I am not happy I am out.This life is too short to be living in sadness,In this time and age when everybody wants to prove themselves surely everyone would want to take charge including me so in order to back me down convince me I know how to listen.I believe a lot of people especially women want partnership and would not settle for less.The marriage of my parents have been egalitarian and sometimes daddy would make a major decision and sometimes it would be mommy,till today I wonder who is heading who.Every couple has what would work for them so I don't believe it should be the standard of one person look for what would work for your relationship it could be understanding or communication etc.So it is not reserved for one gender alone because in some families the wife makes the final decision and outsiders don't know but when they are partners all these story would not come up because it is a level playing field.

Madam, this one strong oo

jeff1607:



Madam, this one strong oo

Nor be joke I am serious.

Ladyhippolyta88:
Nor be joke I am serious.

Well understood, what about a scenario like this; the lady wants to be treated as an equal but when it comes to putting as much effort as the man in making plans that would take them to the next level or contributing in saving a situation which demands time, money and abit of stress and she demands financial gratification or some sort of payment before doing anything, what do you make of this situation?


Secondly what's your opinion on this phrase ladies tend to unknowingly use in either a marriage or relationship " your money is ours but my money is mine alone "

jeff1607:



Well understood, what about a scenario like this; the lady wants to be treated as an equal but when it comes to putting as much effort as the man in making plans that would take them to the next level or contributing in saving a situation which demands time, money and abit of stress and she demands financial gratification or some sort of payment before doing anything, what do you make of this situation?


Secondly what's your opinion on this phrase ladies tend to unknowingly use in either a marriage or relationship " your money is ours but my money is mine alone "

Let me start with your second question I don't go with such my mother said if you want partnership then be partners in everything even if it means being partners in crime.I believe what belongs to my husband belongs to me and what belongs to me belongs to my husband.Back to the first question a lot of women contribute to the home some are even breadwinners but they don't make noise about what they do.Any woman who wants equality or partnership and practices any of what you said is either ready for a master slave relationship or is just busy practicing double standard.If I am contributing to our home be it financially or otherwise I must be involved but if anywoman is not contributing towards anything such kind of woman should not come and start dragging equality in the home.I don't support that at all.

Ladyhippolyta88:
Let me start with your second question I don't go with such my mother said if you want partnership then be partners in everything even if it means being partners in crime.I believe what belongs to my husband belongs to me and what belongs to me belongs to my husband.Back to the first question a lot of women contribute to the home some are even breadwinners but they don't make noise about what they do.Any woman who wants equality or partnership and practices any of what you said is either ready for a master slave relationship or is just busy practicing double standard.If I am contributing to our home be it financially or otherwise I must be involved but if anywoman is not contributing towards anything such kind of woman should not come and start dragging equality in the home.I don't support that at all.

Thanks plenty

jeff1607:


Thanks plenty

You are welcome.

Both. You earn respect by giving it; and not necessarily because you're "all that". If you treat people decently, you can expect to be treated decently as well. That's how respect is reciprocal. This is true within the context of marriage too.

If a husband has regard for his wife, she'll respect his position. Some men misunderstand the position - "head of the family". They assume it naturally has to be a dictatorship and not a democracy. They think it's about taking unilateral decisions and having the wife jump whenever they say "froggy", as though she were nothing but his personal slave. Such a wife might fear her husband; but she would not respect him. In the old days, a wife might stay in line because she was financially dependent on the man. The moment he lost his edge though, the wife would reciprocate the full value for his treatment of her. And he would think it's because the money's gone. Sure. But it's also because he did not give her respect to start with.

On the other hand, a husband who treats his wife like a person, has conversations with her, recognizing that she isn't just some airhead, genuinely considers her opinions (without discounting them because they come from a woman, or because they don't come from him) and then reserves the right to make the final call; a man who sees when it might be unreasonable to ask his wife to make his favorite meal because she's had a long day at work, instead of insisting that she should have known that his needs came first, and if she can't handle both work hours and domestic "duty", she should quit work; etc.......such a man earns his wife's respect because he gave it to her first.

To me, it's both given and earned. .. For the reason of him being my lovely husband, I hold so much respect for him already. ... so it's given in this case..

However, there are things he does that will either make this respect I have for him to increase or diminish (earned in this case).. As a husband, you have to keep an attitude and level of assertiveness that will make you deserving of the respect your wife has for you.. if not, the respect dies..
Respect just like love, needs to be nurtured. .

personally I believe respect should be given everybody in general irrespective of gender, race or association.
in marriage I believe respect is already given considering the fact that you wanna marry the person, however the respect varies. with time actions and inactions will determine the level of respect for such individual.
in the world not Africa alone as most ladies would like to believe, there is nothing like master and slave marriage or partnership in marriage, people tends to say my marriage is partnership because it's cool. the person that plays the piper dictate the tone of the marriage. that how it work but the LEVEL OF RESPECT either earned or given determine the perception of the marriage..

in all for a marriage to succeed the level of respect should be high because the absence of this leads to chaos.furthermore no marriage is partnership.

MissWrite:
Both. You earn respect by giving it; and not necessarily because you're "all that". If you treat people decently, you can expect to be treated decently as well. That's how respect is reciprocal. This is true within the context of marriage too.

If a husband has regard for his wife, she'll respect his position. Some men misunderstand the position - "head of the family". They assume it naturally has to be a dictatorship and not a democracy. They think it's about taking unilateral decisions and having the wife jump whenever they say "froggy", as though she were nothing but his personal slave. Such a wife might fear her husband; but she would not respect him. In the old days, a wife might stay in line because she was financially dependent on the man. The moment he lost his edge though, the wife would reciprocate the full value for his treatment of her. And he would think it's because the money's gone. Sure. But it's also because he did not give her respect to start with.

On the other hand, a husband who treats his wife like a person, has conversations with her, recognizing that she isn't just some airhead, genuinely considers her opinions (without discounting them because they come from a woman, or because they don't come from him) and then reserves the right to make the final call; a man who sees when it might be unreasonable to ask his wife to make his favorite meal because she's had a long day at work, instead of insisting that she should have known that his needs came first, and if she can't handle both work hours and domestic "duty", she should quit work; etc.......such a man earns his wife's respect because he gave it to her first.

Is it possible for a man to still be respected despite loosing his hold financially in the house? Like loosing his source of income

plavic:
Hmph, I guess you're a young man. . . That was a brilliant question you asked. . . I am not one to discriminate against women. . . Even they deserve some respect. . . However, it must sink into everyone's mind that the husband and the wife are not equal. . . Mind you, I never said 'man and woman' are not equal. .You can have a female boss at work. . You must respect her. That said, the husband is the head of the wife. . A ship cannot have two captains. . That would only result into discord and rancour. . . The marriages of our parents stood the test of time because of respect. . .Never marry a woman will not submit to you no matter how succesful she is. . . But if you are already in the marriage, apply prayer 101

Everything you typed can only come with experience, only the experienced people will understand.

imconfused:
And if by some twist of fate you are married to an idiot his idiotic decision should stand because he is the ‘authority’?
Respect is earned,it cannot be forced nor is it given by reason of genit alia.
If you conduct yourself with integrity,dignity and have a healthy dose of self worth,you won’t need to say too much for people to respect you.
Anyone waiting for automatic respect because of his privates is in for long thing.This is 2018,get with the programme.

Your likes will fight their daughter in law to standstill if she does not respect her husband, in this case your son. go and learn from women that grew up in a proper family setting. It is clear you are raised by a single mother . Quote me wrongly at your peril

tuscani:
Your likes will fight their daughter in law to standstill if she does not respect her husband, in this case your son. go and learn from women that grew up in a proper family setting. It is clear you are raised by a single mother . Quote me wrongly at your peril

I'm so scared of you,yes afraid of the peril from the internet
Yes,I wasn't raised well,it's single cat that brought me up
Will you adopt me and teach me how to respect men?

imconfused:



I'm so scared of you,yes afraid of the peril from the internet
Yes,I wasn't raised well,it's single cat that brought me up
Will you adopt me and teach me how to respect men?

No, I will prefer to marry you instead of adopt you

tuscani:
Everything you typed can only come with experience, only the experienced people will understand.

On the contrary, I am unmarried..
What books will do..