Good Evening house, though am not a good writer and this will be my first write up about my Life, I need matured suggestion and reaction to help my current situation.
Now to the topic, am a 21 year old boy studying in one of Nigeria faith based private university, throughout my life my desire was to study in this private university even though my parent are not financially stable, my mum(Christian) sells clothes at the front of our house, my dad(muslim) a contractor, engineer, and so on he deals with sales of machine, project supervisor. I gathered confidence in Him in 2013 when I finished my secondary school in 2012 so I scored 229 in jamb and also pass my post utme in two different public universities, though I was only writing these Exams in other to please my mum cause I would have wanted a private university, my mum use to warn me about the situation and where I find my self my dad is not a salary earner he can make my school fees in a month and might be a year but the problem with my dad is lack of seriousness he doesn't want to set up another business to compliment what he does or support his wife in her business presently this fight has been going for long before I was born, am the last born of family of 5 my dad has another son outside for another woman who is late now(I have never seen the boy before) this financial breakdown of my dad is unbearable because the whole family depends on him presently. my mum doesn't have anything doing but still feeds the family with the help of my brothers, my first born a graduate still staying with us(another issue) my second born learning barbing my two other brothers are also in school. Five boys and my two parent leaving in the same house except my step brother born out of wedlock.
In 2012 I wasn't admitted into the two university I tried so in 2013 I went for a post utme in the private university I have always wanted to be, admission was given to me immediately,(NB I also have work am doing so I paid for my utme also sponsor my tfare to and fro without anyone knowing in the house) I got home happy and hoping every one would support me(NB my father has always giving us hope in the house that he has 1million somewhere that will fund our education) only our first born was a graduate then(he sponsored himself part-time). I was happy with the letter cause I was like that 1million would do something, my school fees was 381k and 50k acceptance 20k forms part of school fees in total 411k(initially the total fees was 511k but 100k was removed from my school fees as a member of the church) , I showed the letter to my father he was happy, also doing as if the money will get to me in 3days time, since that was what he wanted and have given it to him 'the Admission' so he called me ask me about what my elder brother's are doing for them to be admitted too, I told him I don't know since I have brought mine let him do it one at a time, after 3weeks my father was still telling me the money is coming(I would have been more focus if he had rejected the admission since it is private school that he can't afford it) but my father likes proving big man, the truth is that he can afford it and everyone in the family knows that, but my father is not the committed one he doesn't take any thing serious, my mum on the other hands supported the school now since my father doesn't have any project than to prove big man in helping people claiming they don't have and to help family members(some scam him cause he likes show off "Am the one that helped him, support him when he had nothing"~ the words of my father) leaving his house behind. After 3weeks I had 20k at hand my mum gave me 30k to pay for the acceptance so we can be committed, one month later my father was still looking for the 1million he lied about earlier, after 6weeks the school has done their matriculation unknowly to me, so I force my mum to follow me to the school and we met the school board members including the VC, Registrar, Bursar etc at the VC's office, they welcome my mum warmly and greeted/thank her for been a fabulous/virtuous mother, the VC was worried because matric was done a day before we visited, they complained about me not resuming after paying the 50k but I never knew that was how things are done den I was (16years old) then they concluded and told my mum dat even if they must accept me now after the matric the Money is not there, that the only help they can do for me, is for me to do p degree(cost 250k) since the money I paid earlier is non refundable. I cried my mum cried as we left(before now my father has been hurting me and my siblings of non payment of school fees since primary and secondary school he didn't even pay for my junior and Senior WAEC) i remembered all this and my tears couldn't hold back, "if my dad get a job now and the gain he gathered through the job Is 1million check back after 3weeks he wouldn't be able to calculate how he spent it and doesn't like anyone to ask him about it cause that would lead to fight in the house" so my mum usually leave him alone. Few weeks later my dad came with 100k (he called my name Oya come and go and pay your school fees) I looked at him and tears started again, he calm me and I told him I can't go for bsc anymore but I was told I can only do p degree program so I told him, I couldn't hesitate to go cause we still have 50k with them, I started feeding my self again in school no money. I finished p degree still owing 100k. Getting to 100lvl again I hustle 80k my brothers gathered 100k for me my mum 20k then I resumed 100lvl two weeks to matric again looking new and lost in the institution I left 4months earlier, I had 1 carry over during this process. In 300lvl he paid all my school fees b4 resumption(but I lied to him that am still owing 250k so that I can gather the money to pay for my final year) Fast forward to this day 400lvl my father celebrated burial, ileya and so on leaving my school fees behind again after spending 6months for IT I gave my father my first salary, he got my placement for me and he also work for the company as a contractor, I kept all hope on him since the project his much, everyone in my IT company was thinking my father is rich so they distance their self in helping me, now a day to my presentation my father hasn't pay a dime of the fees later he paid 100k and gave me a post dated cheque(NB at least 60% must be paid b4 first semester Examination) I went to school feeding and doing all my SIWES presentation and technical report with my money I only spent 3 weeks in school I ran home due of cash for feeding getting home I discovered dat even the date writing on d cheque cannot be met cause he was broke I started hustling again I gathered whooping of 200k and paid as my school fees(NB 115k was added to my current school fees) now am broke don't have any money to use to feed/transport myself in school. Then later in the morning was thinking of doing Paylater, then my father came and ask me if I could manage 10k and go to school I said yes, I was so happy because this will be a free money for me instead of Paylater with interest. Fast forward to this evening I ask my father where the money he asked me earlier was, he said he couldn't get the money, and I was like why did you bother to ask me when you know you don't have it before, so I ask him when the money will be ready, he said he can't say, I was angry because exam is fast approaching and again I have only spent 3 weeks in 3month semester how do I cope final year, we started exchanging words he drag my hands and my brothers held me and told me to go out I got angry and took a cutlass and broke his car glass. He was planning to go for family function next morning(the pain was much for him). Now he his telling people I beat him up and I wanted to cut his head.
I knw I was wrong with my reaction but desperate times call for desperate action it not all things calmness solve. Good morning

Ahh eleyi strong oo