OboOlora:
My husband just had an appendectomy and he was still in the hospital ward. I was rubbing his tummy, then his thigh and finally his dick. The dick got hard and as I was giving him head, the nurse came in and screamed ‘oh sh*t’. She went back and came in after we were done. The nurse is now a friend and we always joke about it.

RadicallyBlunt:

You're married?

darkenkach:
I invaded my girlfriend phone and was chatting with everybody on her list.

nightingalee:
Was so drunk last night nearly had Non consensual sex with my friend's elder sister.

OboOlora:
My husband just had an appendectomy and he was still in the hospital ward. I was rubbing his tummy, then his thigh and finally his dick. The dick got hard and as I was giving him head, the nurse came in and screamed ‘oh sh*t’. She went back and came in after we were done. The nurse is now a friend and we always joke about it.

Harmored:



Dem carry me go chicken republic..... Buy plenty chicken for me and ice cream

Iyaomolere4:
it was 2013,i just gained admission,I laminated my timetable

gypsey:
I drank monkey Urine!.

kachiz:
The year was 2013, I was on industrial training, attached to an Engineering firm in Lekki.

My lunch throughout my attachment period revolved around Gala and La-Casera, Coke or Sprite. I never dared to eat from any of the very few canteens in the site area because there was every likelihood of purging.

So this particular afternoon after our lunch break, the chief Foreman of the company kept on with stories about a certain Calabar lady that dished him his lunch. About how wonderful her cooking prowess was, he went on and on about this Calabar lady.

So because the reviews of this lady were too much, the Engineer I was working under decided that we go and check her out towards the close of work.
We left the site and trekked to the canteen at some minutes to 4 O'Clock. We checked her out and one thing led to another, plastic chairs and tables were carried out, we sat down and my superiors declared the floor open for the bottles of Beer that was now before us.
For some very uncanny reasons, for some very mysterious reasons, I went ahead to drink on an empty stomach. My breakfast that morning was tea and I skipped my usual lunch that day.

Because I was drinking on an empty belly, I got tipsy after the first bottle of Star. Then I needed to impress the people I was with, I needed to show them I could drink like a man, so I stretched out my hand and accepted the second bottle as soon as the option was made available to me.
After the first round of drinks, the foreman with us got angry at nobody and started saying stuff that he wasn't supposed to be saying on a very normal day. To be sincere, I was surprised.

How could just one bottle make him start ticking?
Who knew I was next in line to tick.

I stood up to go and urinate after I had gulped down half of the content in the second bottle and I felt what Neil Armstrong must have felt after he stepped out from his space shuttle. I was levitating.

Who took my legs?

I staggered to and returned back to my seat after doing what I had gone to do.

The Engineer smiled, I am sure he must have noticed that he was now two men short from a company of three. I refused to go another round after I finished my second bottle.

Getting drunk two hours away from home was one thing, the other part was getting home in one piece.

That's the difficult part.

The Engineer offered that I could come crash at his house if I couldn't make it home by myself.
I told him I will be fine.

How could I have agreed? There was FIFA13 at home that was waiting for my arrival. Even, my reputation was at stake.

The engineer entered a bike and off he rode towards his house. He lived not too far from the site in the Igbeafor area of Lekki.
I was now left with the chief foreman, we boarded a bike together and went towards the junction where we would board a bus.

In the midst of my drunkenness lay a fear.
The fear of crossing over the Lekki-Epe expressway.

On a daily basis, people who were in full control of their senses get knocked down on this road and here was I without my senses with someone who entered the ecstasy state before me trying to cross the road.

For a long while before this day, I had forgotten what a guardian angel meant. If guardian Angels used mobile phones, his battery would have died from my calls and text messages.

Till this day, how we walked across more than 15meters of paved asphalt and no vehicle even came as close as screeching for our sake is still a mystery to me.

This particular act of ours qualified us to get featured in an episode of "A thousand ways to die".

I parted ways with the Foreman, entered the bus that was heading straight to C.M.S park, bent down my head and slept off instantly like someone that was sedated. If the driver and the rest of the passengers had decided to change their mind and drive us to Abeokuta that night, I would have been the last person to revolt after we must have reached the destination.

If you've ever been to C.M.S Park, you'll notice that there is a portion of the wall that has "DO NOT URINATE HERE" written in almost all the languages of the world. Motherfvckers even had it engraved in Braille.

You will have to be a dead person for you to disobey this warning.

I have witnessed twice what happens to the unlucky people who decided to go that wall to urinate.
The first was a nice looking guy that was dressed on suit, he was still doing his thing when this huge Ape looking, Macho, like man dragged him away from behind. Even the Jews during WW2 were never dragged like that in their concentration camps.

It wasn't the embarrassment that was the issue, I am sure the Ape-like man must have forcefully taken away some of the other man’s prized possessions.
The second was an old man who could pass as my grandfather. After he pleaded and pleaded to the Ape-like guy that the last money on him was for his transportation home, he took his watch and still collected the money.....

The green and white bus that had me in it roared to a stop as we entered Ajah park, the time now was some minutes to 8 pm. 8 pm or even 8:30 pm at C.M.S park looked 11 am in most eastern states. I came down and crossed over to C.M.S Park.

Then it happened........

My bladder beeped...

I needed to Pee!

I needed to urinate.

My next ride was from C.M.S to Aguda Surulere through Eko bridge axis, because of the free nature of the traffic system of Lagos, a journey of less than 30mins will be clocking around 2hours. But I needed to pee and my only option was on that "wall".

I had 700naira with me. One 200naira note and one 500naira note. I separated the money. #200 for my ride home and #500 in the case the universe decided to turn the tides against me.

The kind of morale I had at this moment would have been able to make me stop bullets if someone tried shooting at me.

I walked towards the wall and stopped some inches away from where all the warning was boldly written. I unzipped my Jeans, brought out my other self and released the chains that were keeping me in bondage. Upon all the morale I claimed I had, I expected someone to come from behind and slap the two bottles of beer out of my head.

I finished urinating, zipped up and turned around. Nothing happened. So I quietly walked to the bus, paid, sat down and slept off immediately. I didn’t know when the bus got filled up or even when it drove off from the park, the vehicle passed my bus-stop and took me to the last bus-stop which was Kpako-Aguda.

Bikes charge as much 100naira from this place but who enters bike when he still has a leg?

The conductor had to shout before I woke up, I was the only left inside. He asked me if I wanted to sleep in his bus.

Immediately I stepped down, all the contents in my stomach surged up immediately towards my mouth. They wanted to be free and so I allowed them. I opened my mouth and damaged the surrounding ground with my internally generated waste. I felt better and walked gradually back home to like a ghost that was looking for someone to possess.

After what seem an d like eternity, I found the house. Opened the gate, climbed upstairs and fell down on the bed.

No one knew what transpired and why I didn't bother to ask for night food that day.

It was after some days that I narrated to them my story.

...The End.

kachiz:
The year was 2013, I was on industrial training, attached to an Engineering firm in Lekki.

My lunch throughout my attachment period revolved around Gala and La-Casera, Coke or Sprite. I never dared to eat from any of the very few canteens in the site area because there was every likelihood of purging.

So this particular afternoon after our lunch break, the chief Foreman of the company kept on with stories about a certain Calabar lady that dished him his lunch. About how wonderful her cooking prowess was, he went on and on about this Calabar lady.

So because the reviews of this lady were too much, the Engineer I was working under decided that we go and check her out towards the close of work.
We left the site and trekked to the canteen at some minutes to 4 O'Clock. We checked her out and one thing led to another, plastic chairs and tables were carried out, we sat down and my superiors declared the floor open for the bottles of Beer that was now before us.
For some very uncanny reasons, for some very mysterious reasons, I went ahead to drink on an empty stomach. My breakfast that morning was tea and I skipped my usual lunch that day.

Because I was drinking on an empty belly, I got tipsy after the first bottle of Star. Then I needed to impress the people I was with, I needed to show them I could drink like a man, so I stretched out my hand and accepted the second bottle as soon as the option was made available to me.
After the first round of drinks, the foreman with us got angry at nobody and started saying stuff that he wasn't supposed to be saying on a very normal day. To be sincere, I was surprised.

How could just one bottle make him start ticking?
Who knew I was next in line to tick.

I stood up to go and urinate after I had gulped down half of the content in the second bottle and I felt what Neil Armstrong must have felt after he stepped out from his space shuttle. I was levitating.

Who took my legs?

I staggered to and returned back to my seat after doing what I had gone to do.

The Engineer smiled, I am sure he must have noticed that he was now two men short from a company of three. I refused to go another round after I finished my second bottle.

Getting drunk two hours away from home was one thing, the other part was getting home in one piece.

That's the difficult part.

The Engineer offered that I could come crash at his house if I couldn't make it home by myself.
I told him I will be fine.

How could I have agreed? There was FIFA13 at home that was waiting for my arrival. Even, my reputation was at stake.

The engineer entered a bike and off he rode towards his house. He lived not too far from the site in the Igbeafor area of Lekki.
I was now left with the chief foreman, we boarded a bike together and went towards the junction where we would board a bus.

In the midst of my drunkenness lay a fear.
The fear of crossing over the Lekki-Epe expressway.

On a daily basis, people who were in full control of their senses get knocked down on this road and here was I without my senses with someone who entered the ecstasy state before me trying to cross the road.

For a long while before this day, I had forgotten what a guardian angel meant. If guardian Angels used mobile phones, his battery would have died from my calls and text messages.

Till this day, how we walked across more than 15meters of paved asphalt and no vehicle even came as close as screeching for our sake is still a mystery to me.

This particular act of ours qualified us to get featured in an episode of "A thousand ways to die".

I parted ways with the Foreman, entered the bus that was heading straight to C.M.S park, bent down my head and slept off instantly like someone that was sedated. If the driver and the rest of the passengers had decided to change their mind and drive us to Abeokuta that night, I would have been the last person to revolt after we must have reached the destination.

If you've ever been to C.M.S Park, you'll notice that there is a portion of the wall that has "DO NOT URINATE HERE" written in almost all the languages of the world. Motherfvckers even had it engraved in Braille.

You will have to be a dead person for you to disobey this warning.

I have witnessed twice what happens to the unlucky people who decided to go that wall to urinate.
The first was a nice looking guy that was dressed on suit, he was still doing his thing when this huge Ape looking, Macho, like man dragged him away from behind. Even the Jews during WW2 were never dragged like that in their concentration camps.

It wasn't the embarrassment that was the issue, I am sure the Ape-like man must have forcefully taken away some of the other man’s prized possessions.
The second was an old man who could pass as my grandfather. After he pleaded and pleaded to the Ape-like guy that the last money on him was for his transportation home, he took his watch and still collected the money.....

The green and white bus that had me in it roared to a stop as we entered Ajah park, the time now was some minutes to 8 pm. 8 pm or even 8:30 pm at C.M.S park looked 11 am in most eastern states. I came down and crossed over to C.M.S Park.

Then it happened........

My bladder beeped...

I needed to Pee!

I needed to urinate.

My next ride was from C.M.S to Aguda Surulere through Eko bridge axis, because of the free nature of the traffic system of Lagos, a journey of less than 30mins will be clocking around 2hours. But I needed to pee and my only option was on that "wall".

I had 700naira with me. One 200naira note and one 500naira note. I separated the money. #200 for my ride home and #500 in the case the universe decided to turn the tides against me.

The kind of morale I had at this moment would have been able to make me stop bullets if someone tried shooting at me.

I walked towards the wall and stopped some inches away from where all the warning was boldly written. I unzipped my Jeans, brought out my other self and released the chains that were keeping me in bondage. Upon all the morale I claimed I had, I expected someone to come from behind and slap the two bottles of beer out of my head.

I finished urinating, zipped up and turned around. Nothing happened. So I quietly walked to the bus, paid, sat down and slept off immediately. I didn’t know when the bus got filled up or even when it drove off from the park, the vehicle passed my bus-stop and took me to the last bus-stop which was Kpako-Aguda.

Bikes charge as much 100naira from this place but who enters bike when he still has a leg?

The conductor had to shout before I woke up, I was the only left inside. He asked me if I wanted to sleep in his bus.

Immediately I stepped down, all the contents in my stomach surged up immediately towards my mouth. They wanted to be free and so I allowed them. I opened my mouth and damaged the surrounding ground with my internally generated waste. I felt better and walked gradually back home to like a ghost that was looking for someone to possess.

After what seem an d like eternity, I found the house. Opened the gate, climbed upstairs and fell down on the bed.

No one knew what transpired and why I didn't bother to ask for night food that day.

It was after some days that I narrated to them my story.

...The End.

Tobycharles:

N u still dey alive?

kay29000:
If I told you, you would say I was lying.

OboOlora:
My husband just had an appendectomy and he was still in the hospital ward. I was rubbing his tummy, then his thigh and finally his dick. The dick got hard and as I was giving him head, the nurse came in and screamed ‘oh sh*t’. She went back and came in after we were done. The nurse is now a friend and we always joke about it.

Iyaomolere4:
it was 2013,i just gained admission,I laminated my timetable

Culin:
Dropping diazapam in someone's juice because I wanted to check if she was still a virgin. Well she ended up not sleeping immediately (I still don't know why), so I just had to ask her.

Harmored:
The day my Okada man went to jam unknown hilux, the people inside where dressed like army and because I was on bike which I know hilux cannot catch us, I was like Waka thurndah fire you to the soldiers. So my Okada man speed off, I was on my way to pick my car at the mechanic. Not knowing even the army men where going to the mechanic. That's was how they saw me. I WAS LIKE

Iyaomolere4:
it was 2013,i just gained admission,I laminated my timetable