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Sincerity Crashed His Mum Marriage-andy Akhigbe by engrtee(f): 11:18am On Feb 12, 2018 |
The Day My Mother's Marriage Crashed My
mother's marriage ended the day she visited a
Doctor and came back home to tell my father that
the Doctor made untoward sexual advances to her.
According to her, my father never recovered from
her sincere disclosure. Her need to tell my father
about her encounter with Dr. Osuala was borne out
of a genuine desire to follow a tradition which
advocates sincere revelation of all inappropriate
encounters with men while inside a marriage. No
such rule applies to men. A while ago, I made a
post on Facebook advising partners not to go
probing about the past sexual experiences of their
partners. I believe something significant leaves you
the day you know about the sexual history of your
partner. Where do we draw the line between
genuine disclosure of cases of groping and
inappropriate acts against us and the need to keep
them secret for fear of being misunderstood and
causing permanent damage in our relationships?
My mother recounts of an experience which
embarrassed her when she visited a Doctor who
diagnosed her of malaria fever and recommended
that she takes some injection. When she took off
her underwear in anticipation of the needle, the
next thing she felt on her body was the Doctor's
penis. She didn't bother about taking the injection
as she was completely fazed by the Doctor's
attitude towards her. She left the Doctor's
presence with a huge moral obligation to report the
incident at home. She did and she was not
convinced my father believed she was innocent.
The challenge wasn't much of the embarrassing
situation she found herself, but the fact that she
was bound to report the incident to her husband
as tradition demands. There is this tradition
observed by the Edos which demands that
whenever a woman is touched whether
appropriately or inappropriately by the opposite
sex, she is bound to report the incident to her
husband. I don't know how many people still
observe this tradition as the incident I now write
about happened in the 70s and my mother was
someone who was stuck with traditional beliefs
and customs. My mother was to recount that her
sincerity in keeping to her tradition caused her
marriage to fail. The marriage didn't crash the day
she reported the incident according to her, but she
identifies that day as the day she lost my father's
love and interest. He simply moved on after that
day. He probably felt betrayed by my mother's
sincerity. My parents separated years later and she
continued to lament that she lost out in the
marriage because of her sincerity. It seemed to her
my father never accepted her explanations that the
encounter with the Doctor was an innocent one
and that she never acted inappropriately towards
the Doctor. Today, many women have become
victims of inappropriate liaison from Doctors and
even random men on the streets and even though
tradition doesn't make it mandatory for many to
disclose to their husbands or boyfriends, what
should a woman do when she is groped or
touched inappropriately by another man? Do you
tell your husband or boyfriend of strange
encounters of sexual nature and what do you do
when your man never recovers after your telling?
My mother believed that everything that happened
to her subsequently in the marriage after the
disclosure, led to my father moving gradually away
from her and the ultimate crash of the marriage. |
Re: Sincerity Crashed His Mum Marriage-andy Akhigbe by greenguy: 12:19pm On Feb 12, 2018 |
Your mother did the right thing by disclosing the incident to her partner, but her partner lacked wisdom and maturity and never invested a penny of trust in the marriage. Such relationship could still have ended unceremoniously even if this story never existed. Her duty to disclose has nothing to do with tradition or where she comes from but a moral responsibility towards her marriage and the institution of marriage. However, I would have expected your mum to take the matter further, whether to the hospital management or a professional institution capable of handling the matter knowing that the incident is costing her her marriage. Also knowing how and when to pass information to different people matters - the timing could be wrong then. Openness will always be key in the survival of a marriage and what your mother has done will always be the right decision whether in 1970 or 2018. 2 Likes |
Re: Sincerity Crashed His Mum Marriage-andy Akhigbe by grafixdon: 8:25pm On Feb 12, 2018 |
Please, don't ever disclose your past sexual acts to your partner/husband. It'll ruined your relationship /marriage. Men are very jealous. Some men can't withstand it. |
Re: Sincerity Crashed His Mum Marriage-andy Akhigbe by greenguy: 11:37pm On Feb 12, 2018 |
grafixdon: Agreed, but that is not the case here. We're talking of harassment and abuse of professionalism here. |
Re: Sincerity Crashed His Mum Marriage-andy Akhigbe by grafixdon: 11:44pm On Feb 12, 2018 |
greenguy: Maybe you should read again, this time, slowly |
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