I am worried that I caused my mother to get cancer and die. When I went through a mental health break down, I told my mother in anger and frustration that I want her to get cancer and die. I also told her she won't see my future kids. Also, I bullied a woman who I believed would have bullied me, and I did not like her behaviour - so I told her that her mother would die young, as well as bullying her. Two of my past school mates who bullied me, I sent them a message saying that one will die young, and the other one should be ashamed of herself for how she treated me and that her dead father would be ashamed of her. Also, because I hated Rihanna the popstar at the time - when her grandmother died I tweeted her a horrible message saying "she is dead, she won't have to see your ugly face anymore". Also, a horrible man was harassing me as I did not sleep with him so I told him that it is good that his dad is dead, so he would not have to see his disappointment of a son.


But I did apologise to my mother, I truly did not mean what I said. Furthermore, I regret all that bad things I did during the break down - that is not me and no one in real life would believe I could have done such. I did all of that in 2 years that I had a mental health break down and ended in a psychiatric hospital

When my mother got cancer, I BEGGED God. I pleaded and repented. I had faith that she would be healed. I BEGGED God, constantly crying, fasting, begging, going to prayer services and so on

When I said those mean things to my mother it was out of anger, I did not really want that.. but when I said by faith she will be healed and will not die it was out of truth and what I truly wanted, I BEGGED God. I repented, i fasted, I used anointing oil, I prayed, I went to different churches, we saw a herbalist, we saw doctors , we did everything... yet she still died. I feel like it is my fault. The girl I told her that her mother would die young is alive, healthy and having a great time with her daughter and granddaughter, and her daughter (the girl I told her that her mother would die young) is succeeding a lot and keeps making jokes about illness and death. Like she is trying to rub it in, she always posts images of her and her mother (but she does not know that my mother died)

Please don't judge me, just advise me

Are you .........

I feel for you. But what has happened has happened and most likely does not have anything to do with what you said. But the psychological weight you have to bear, no man would wish it for an enemy.

Yes you did

Bad child