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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Education / TWO COWS ~ Matthias Varga (287 Views)
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TWO COWS ~ Matthias Varga by divinehand2003(m): 5:36pm On Mar 06, 2018 |
TWO COWS ~ Matthias Varga SOCIALISM You have 2 cows You give one to your neighbour COMMUNISM You have 2 cows The State takes both & gives you some milk FASCISM You have 2 cows The State takes both & sells you some milk NAZISM You have 2 cows The State takes both & shoots you BUREAUCRATISM You have 2 cows The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM You have two cows You sell one and buy a bull Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM U have 2 cows, sell 3 of them to ur publicly listed coy using letters of credit opened by ur bro inlaw at d bank, then execute a debt/equity swap wit an associated general offer so that u get all 4 cows back wit tax exemption for 5 cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull. SURREALISMĀ You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons. AN AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead. A GREEK CORPORATION You have two cows You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds, dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit & packing sheds You still only have two cows A FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows. AN ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch. A JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and market it worldwide. A SWISS CORPORATION You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them. A CHINESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation. AN INDIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You worship them. A BRITISH CORPORATION You have two cows. Both are mad. AN IRAQI CORPORATION Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the f*** out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy. AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate. A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive. A NORWEGIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You milk the cows, sell at a profit and put the proceeds in an interest fund. Now, you only milk four days a week, and holiday on the other days A ZIMBABWEAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You snatch grazing fields and barns, but refuse to feed your cows. You chase away speculators and buyers, and now use your neighbor's cows to barter. A NIGERIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. They are for everybody (97 percenters) and belong to nobody (5 percenters) Everybody takes care of the cows and nobody dies when grazing lands are plundered. You sell your cows and use the proceeds to buy milk, sirloin & cheese on subsidy FEUDALISM You have two cows A prince holds them in trust on your behalf You labour on the cowshed, in exchange for food and shelter Proceeds from milk, cheese, meat and hide goes to the prince |
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