TWO COWS ~ Matthias Varga

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows
You give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows
The State takes both & gives you some milk

FASCISM
You have 2 cows
The State takes both & sells you some milk

NAZISM
You have 2 cows
The State takes both & shoots you

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows
You sell one and buy a bull
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
U have 2 cows, sell 3 of them to ur publicly listed coy using letters of credit opened by ur bro inlaw at d bank, then execute a debt/equity swap wit an associated general offer so that u get all 4 cows back wit tax exemption for 5 cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.

The public then buys your bull.

SURREALISM 
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows
You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds, dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit & packing sheds
You still only have two cows

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and market it worldwide.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the f*** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.

A NORWEGIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You milk the cows, sell at a profit and put the proceeds in an interest fund.
Now, you only milk four days a week, and holiday on the other days

A ZIMBABWEAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You snatch grazing fields and barns, but refuse to feed your cows.
You chase away speculators and buyers, and now use your neighbor's cows to barter.

A NIGERIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They are for everybody (97 percenters) and belong to nobody (5 percenters)
Everybody takes care of the cows and nobody dies when grazing lands are plundered.
You sell your cows and use the proceeds to buy milk, sirloin & cheese on subsidy

FEUDALISM
You have two cows
A prince holds them in trust on your behalf
You labour on the cowshed, in exchange for food and shelter
Proceeds from milk, cheese, meat and hide goes to the prince