Goodday all
I need some advise for my cousin who had a relationship with a lady 24 years ago. At the time she became pregnant and claimed that it was another person that was the father of the child until when the child was 3 years old she claimed that it was my cousins child. There was a case then and the child was rejected by my cousin and his family.

Fast forward to early this year the child got my cousins number and contacted him. Note that my cousin is now married with 3 children and had never had any contact with the alleged son. He decided to meet up with the alleged child together with his wife. The boy is now 22 years of age and when they met my cousin told him that due to the controversy of the past a DNA test must be conducted as decided by family.

The boy had not told his mother or family of the contact and when the found out they were furious and started demanding that before any DNA test is performed my cousin must come and meet them.

The boys family just seem interested in holding on to the past and my cousins family is adamant if not test no contact will be maintained.

Please kindly advise as my cousin is ready yo take responsibility but without a confirmed DNA test he can't move on and it is not like he made the initial contact and he has 3 sons already with 1 daughter.

The funny thing is that the alleged boy has been sending him texts messages making some indirect threats against him. That he mist know his identity as if it by force he can become a family member. I had advised him that he should break off all contact if the boys family do not unconditionally agree for the DNA test.

Kindly advise on the best way to handle this

Interesting.

My first question is he should take what responsibilities exactly?at 22 that is a grown man, and not a boy. That said, i will not waste time trying to figure out why the woman told you your cousin the child was not his,until the child was 3.

I am not saying your cousin should follow my advice, but this is what i will do if it was me. As a married man with kids already, i will not bring in a stranger into my house, be that 22 year old is mine or not. That the said son is even threatening me via text messages, when he does not even know my house, is a sign that he can bring harm to my family if things do not work his way down the line in future.

So he does not get in contact or close proximity to my immediate family.

I will conduct a DNA test to ascertain if the boy is mine.

If he is not, i will have a man to man conversation with him on how he should remain strong and then wish him well. If he turns out to be mine,and i sense he is one that will not be problematic. I will draw him close, and we will do a catch up of the last 22 years that we have been apart.

But since this one is already a trouble maker as shown by his text messages. I will take responsibilities for somethings in his life, like school fees and stuff if he is in school,and place him on monthly stipends, while making sure he stays where he has been the last 22 years, as my direct family living area is a no go.

I will play the father role in his life by guiding him on the right path.

VERY IMPORTANT:

If your cousin does not have a will, tell him to prepare one. The act of not preparing our wills in Nigeria is a big problem. Your cousin do not want a situation that after he is gone, somebody will show up and want to collect everything he left claiming to be the first child, to the detriment of the others.

I blame his mother.

DUNKA:
Goodday all
I need some advise for my cousin who had a relationship with a lady 24 years ago. At the time she became pregnant and claimed that it was another person that was the father of the child until when the child was 3 years old she claimed that it was my cousins child. There was a case then and the child was rejected by my cousin and his family.

Fast forward to early this year the child got my cousins number and contacted him. Note that my cousin is now married with 3 children and had never had any contact with the alleged son. He decided to meet up with the alleged child together with his wife. The boy is now 22 years of age and when they met my cousin told him that due to the controversy of the past a DNA test must be conducted as decided by family.

The boy had not told his mother or family of the contact and when the found out they were furious and started demanding that before any DNA test is performed my cousin must come and meet them.

The boys family just seem interested in holding on to the past and my cousins family is adamant if not test no contact will be maintained.

Please kindly advise as my cousin is ready yo take responsibility but without a confirmed DNA test he can't move on and it is not like he made the initial contact and he has 3 sons already with 1 daughter.

The funny thing is that the alleged boy has been sending him texts messages making some indirect threats against him. That he mist know his identity as if it by force he can become a family member. I had advised him that he should break off all contact if the boys family do not unconditionally agree for the DNA test.

Kindly advise on the best way to handle this

He should get a lawyer who should he should take together with some of his family members to visit the other party's family, there and then they should agree on a DNA or no deal. If they disagree, then he and the lawyer should also copy the Commissioner of police in a letter alleging threats against him, he should use the text messages and phone logs as evidences.

The boy is now an adult; he and your cousin can both proceed with the DNA test.

JupiterGeekVII:
The boy is now an adult; he and your cousin can both proceed with the DNA test.

No he's not an adult, he's a kidult for sending unsolicited text messages containing threats

Lovelygurl you see why every child deserves a father figure? Even if after they must have grown up, they still want to know who their father is. Its just nature

kingreign:


No he's not an adult, he's a kidult for sending unsolicited text messages containing threats

He's not a kid. At 22, he's legally an adult.

It was wrong for him to make "indirect threats" to the cousin, but his anger likely stems from whatever the mother + her family have told him about OP's cousin (e.g. how OP's cousin and his family rejected him when he was 3-years old), and the fact that OP's cousin hasn't been in his life all these years. Unless the "indirect threats" he made are so serious that the police need to be involved, they should focus on what's really important - the DNA paternity test. After two decades it's time for both sides to stop being petty and get the DNA paternity test done in order to ascertain the truth.

JupiterGeekVII:
He's not a kid. At 22, he's legally an adult.

It was wrong for him to make "indirect threats" to the cousin, but his anger likely stems from whatever the mother + her family have told him about OP's cousin (e.g. how OP's cousin and his family rejected him when he was 3-years old), and the fact that OP's cousin hasn't been in his life all these years. Unless the "indirect threats" he made are so serious that the police need to be involved, they should focus on what's really important - the DNA paternity test. After two decades it's time for both sides to stop being petty and get the DNA paternity test done in order to ascertain the truth.

Legally, he's an adult, mentally and psychologically, he's a KID-ult.
@bolded, I don't take any threats light. All threats must not be feLt with kids glove.

Cutehector:
Lovelygurl you see why every child deserves a father figure? Even if after they must have grown up, they still want to know who their father is. Its just nature

I'm sorry to disappoint, but I don't really because I can show you a list of people, who are not interested in knowing who their fathers are, those who no longer care about them. It could be due to them being abused or due to a strain in their relationship. Just as I'd be able to show you a list of those who are not interested in their mums as well.

I will tell you the stories of kids being accused of witchcraft and therefore are abandoned by both parents and how they DEFINITELY do not want anything to do with their parents anymore.

One randomn example might speak for thousands but not for another thousand

kingreign:

Legally, he's an adult, mentally and psychologically, he's a KID-ult.

Once again, irrelevant. I can get into those things, but they're irrelevant to the situation at hand.

kingreign:

@bolded, I don't take any threats light. All threats must not be feLt with kids glove.

Come up with a better argument, pls.

JupiterGeekVII:
Once again, irrelevant. I can get into those things, but they're irrelevant to the situation at hand.

Come up with a better argument, pls.

Taking my advice personal?

Lol stop being emotional about my advice.

That he is sending subtle threats ,will make me never to contact him..and I will take record of all his threats message ,save and send it to the authorities.... What rubbish!!!....be it my son or not....I have my own family with kids....he should take things up with his mum....all this teens with fish brain..by the time I get him arrested..he will know the kind of person I am..rabbish child and mum

You are a very wicked person. Some people should just not be parents.

babyfaceafrica:
That he is sending subtle threats ,will make me never to contact him..and I will take record of all his threats message ,save and send it to the authorities.... What rubbish!!!....be it my son or not....I have my own family with kids....he should take things up with his mum....all this teens with fish brain..by the time I get him arrested..he will know the kind of person I am..rabbish child and mum

Your cousin should be careful in handling the issue. Overlook the threat and concentrate on the DNA first. Personally, I can't allow my flesh to be without a father head as far as I am alive. The boy needs a father head and he is desirous of it. Don't deny him that if you confirm the paternity.

The right things should be done. And that is going for the DNA test to ascertain if the man in question is really the biological father. it's that simple

babyfaceafrica:
That he is sending subtle threats ,will make me never to contact him..and I will take record of all his threats message ,save and send it to the authorities.... What rubbish!!!....be it my son or not....I have my own family with kids....he should take things up with his mum....all this teens with fish brain..by the time I get him arrested..he will know the kind of person I am..rabbish child and mum

Taking it personal! hmmmm

babyfaceafrica:
That he is sending subtle threats ,will make me never to contact him..and I will take record of all his threats message ,save and send it to the authorities.... What rubbish!!!....be it my son or not....I have my own family with kids....he should take things up with his mum....all this teens with fish brain..by the time I get him arrested..he will know the kind of person I am..rabbish child and mum

.

OmoAlata1:
You are a very wicked person. Some people should just not be parents.

is it your child?

OmoAlata1:
You are a very wicked person. Some people should just not be parents.

I don't take kindly to threats from anybody..if you have any problem with that I can't help you

Op show your cousin this thread and let himbtake HungerBAD advise, best so far, especially the last part.

my question is ..... why are the other family insisting on seeing the op's cousin first ? for me o , a DNA test must be conducted before anything...