1)In America... GUY: I love you GIRL: I love you too In Nigeria... GUY: I love you. GIRL: Hmmm... Kunle, are you sure it's me you love or my breast?

2) This everyday rain. . . make e no be say another Noah don build Ark somewhere and dem no invite us o.

3)Abeg check your area for further info bikoo...and pls if you see animals walking in pairs, ������ follow them oooo and don't forget to inform me, they might be heading to the ARK.....����
������


4)Caller* : Is this INEC office?
*Official* : Yes sir.
*Caller* : How prepared are you for the coming election?
*Official* : Sir, As I speak to you everything is ready...... Including the results.

�‍♂�‍♂�‍♂�‍♂�‍♂
5. #Ladies�
Dating a jealous guy is so stressful...
He will be like "I saw a guy looking at you, why did you allow him to see you?.. ���
������

6. � #Dear smokers� the kidney you are destroying with cigarette, why not sell it and buy your mom a G-Wagon.�.��✌���

7. I just gave one fat lady a wrong direction � Let her trek and lose weight abeg! Too much fat is not gud...
#Abeg_no_one_should_touch_me...
Yeeeh! who stoned. Me??��

8. ���������
"Men are bad", but faith got married yesterday.
"Men are bad", patience wedding is next week.
"Men are bad", Tracy is getting married on Saturday.
"Men are bad", you have up to 10 Aso-ebi clothes in your wardrobe.
"Men are bad", about 5 marriage invitation cards are in your hand bag.
Men are bad oh.
If I were you, I will just run to the nearest Cele church & let them flog out the bad character in you!!!! ��☝����

9. Guys........
Whenever you notice a girl has started being unnecessarily nice to you, my brother run... I said run!!���
Her birthday is around the corner...
Lemme mind my business before they come and start throwing stones�����

10)2Baba, look at what u have caused oh!
Guys now see "AMAKA" as a Disappointer

11. Research has shown that the total cost of a lady's yearly make up expenditure is big enough to feed an entire community in Akwa ibom!!
Lemme run before Akwa ibom people go get me here!���

12. #Bros!
If her phone rings and she looks at you before picking it up, just know that your
Superior or your Assistant is calling already...
#AbiOoooLadies??

13. If you don't text me, Vodacom will.. If you don't call me, MTN will.. If you don't visit me, Jehovah Witnesses will...
So my dear, be humble !!!
��

14. Just one week in the relationship and you’re already calling him,’Pillar of my Life.’
My sister, won’t u at least allow the cement to dry?
#Iye!

15. :/
They will steal someone's phone that he bought for 80k.
The person will now say "it’s not the phone that pain me, it's the Sim Card" of 100 naira! :/
If I tear you slap, ur ancestors will feel dizzy :/ ;-) ;-) ;-) :v :v ;-)

16. I think restaurant should have private rooms where we can deal with Bones properly...��� I hate forming!

17. ��Nigerian mums be like.... �
Mum: Kas shebi I am talking to u & u’re quiet.
Me: But mum..
Mum: Keep quiet am talking! ������������

18. ��Shout out to those girls� who feels washing noodles before cooking is necessary... Three (3) Gbosa for you��� I respect your hygiene!

19. It's only in Indian Movies that an Armed Robber
will sing for hours in the bank before robbing☹�

20. Actors and actresses kiss each other for like 10 seasons and do not fall in love.
But this girl just clicked "LIKE" on your picture and you've been thinking about it for days!
BROTHER! In Jesus' name, *receive ur brain*

21. You ignore a girl's text for 20 mins, by the time you reply, she is married with kids.
Hmmmmmmm Naija girls, I hail oooo.

22. Some girls will be like I want a God-fearing man.
But two weeks after accepting your proposal, she will be asking for iPhone rather than King James Bible....
My dear are you normal at all??

23. Upload a pics�� no matter how flawless u look�, Nigeria hater's will zoom ur face�
Zoom ur clothes�
Zoom ur destiny�
Then zoom it to ur skeleton� and be like
"Ehen, I talk am na... he has only two ribs..��

24. Some Girls Don't Want a Boyfriend Or Husband... They Just Want An Intelligent, Handsome, Sexy And Obedient Robot That Vomits Money!������

25. #Life_Can_Be_Funny_Oooo
You will just enter a Boutique and see your salary written on a pair of shoe... Chai! This life sha!

26. The Way People Are Black In Kano ehn... If You Shoot Dem In The Midnight, The Bullet Will Come Back To You & Ask For Flashlight.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe

27)These days, Even if you put your phone��on flight mode thinking you are saving data,
MTN will still charge you for booking a flight. ��.

28.Those of you that your Facebook profile says living
in UK and working in Owerri.
Am not saying you are lying.
Am just bothered..How are you coping with the
transport fare?�

29.Edo and Kogi should produce the next presidential candidate in 2019. Christians and Muslims have failed us, so let's try witches.�����

30.Stood up to my mum yesterday. She wanted me to change the channel, I said no, I was there first. Told her to sit down & be quiet. I'm grown. It felt good�.Anyway if you want to visit me. I'm at central hospital Ibadan, ward 5. Approach from the left coz my right eye is closed�.���
A thousand insults from a teacher doesn't hurt like the silence of a friend during exams. I swear it can bring tears in your eyes.

31.Your Wife Is Your Wife*
A married couple was walking through a garden, suddenly a dog ran towards them.
They both knew it will bite them...
The husband lifted his wife to let the dog bite him rather than his sweetheart.
The dog stopped before them, unsure what to do, barked a little and ran away.
The husband put his wife down, expecting a hug and a few kind words of gratitude from her.
But his wife shouted "I've seen people throwing stones & sticks at dogs, this is the first time I see someone trying to throw his wife at a dog


WOOOOPPSSS�!
32.In Nigeria, no matter how remote your village is, ballot boxes will reach there but not the basic amenities of life. Be wise.

33.Nothing annoys me more than your man giving you attitude because his team lost a match. Nonsense did I coach your team?

34.At least Thibaut Courtois is enjoying the views of fans filling the stadium, while swallowing goals

35.The American police style: Investigate he’s a thief till you find an evidence to catch him. The China police style: Chase the thief till he gets tired, then you catch him. The Arab police style: Kidnap the thief’s wife and threaten the thief to surrender. The Indian police style: Allow a pretty damsel sing for him to lure him closer, then you catch him. The Nigerian police style: Catch any person on the street, beat him until he agrees he is a Thief.

36.If over 15 guys have sucked your breasts, you don't need to call those things "Your breast", It's call COW BELL, OUR MILK! Repeat after me, OUR MILK

37.Dear ladies, If you boyfriend didn't wish you a happy mother's day or sing sweet mother to you, you should stop breastfeeding him
 A brave man is he who has a running stomach and still wants to fart 

38. A brave man is he who has a running stomach and still wants to fart 

39.It is every man's dream to remove a woman's pant one day, but NOT when it's on a drying line

40.To join my WhatsApp group, you can chat me up on WhatsApp with 07036116081