olas2u:

If you live in Nigeria ,then the woman will have all equal rights ,even if you have ten kids and she as one,if anything happens to your hubby without a will,she can contest it with you ,if she as a crook and good lawyer,they can take home some tangible ,am not a lawyer but i have seen it happen so many times.You have to allow the kid to grow up in a welcoming environment and not an outcast.

iyatrustee:

@ travelista and thweraja. i agree this is not the best place for Advice. the DNA hasnot been done yet and as such, we havenot included any family member in this. i just wanted you guys to advice me while i await the result of the test should in case it proves him to the biological father of the baby

Travelista:

He's known about this child for this long and is just mentioning it? Good luck with that. As was previously posted, this isn't the place to ask for advice. Talk to those you trust (men AND women; like men aren't capable of being misleading. . .that's what started this mess) and get their advice. I really pray that you and your husband can get past this and do what's right for both of your families.

What?! A side piece has equal rights with a wife and her legitimate children?

olas2u:

Yes,so many crooked lawyers who can wake up the dead man in Nigeria

Iranoladun link=

I also find it disturbing that your husband did not mention the pregnancy issue to you all this years.

Poster, what type of union do you have, registry/court marriage or under native law & custom?

we had our marriage in court, native and church. he had told me about it about 2years ago which was when we tried reaching the woman in question.

mutter:

A child is a gift from God and whatever the circumstances should be accepted as such.
I think you should not go so far thinking of inheritance now and going on strong about the DNA may only bring bad blood now.
Remember this child is part of the family.
Show love and stand by your husband, he needs you now. The child is there so nothing can change that.
No need to make yourself the key player in this issue you would only end up being burnt.
Let your husband handle it and do your part by showing tolerance and love.
nice advice i appreciate.

[quote author=chaircover link=topic=500257.msg6612638#msg6612638 date=1282375022:

We all seem to be facing one way here & seem to be ready to "fight" this other woman. What for? I ask

Because what I am reading between the lines here is a man who got another woman pregnant BEFORE he got married, found out BEFORE he got married but denied the baby and then went on to marry his wife and not tell her anything about the possibility of him having a biological child until during a "search your soul" discussion which he probably engineered himself.

I personally think that the poster should be more afraid of the husband than this other woman.

You say;

"after the discussion, we tried to reach the lady in question at least to see the baby since even the supposed father has not seen her before but she blocked our every move"

See how you have been roped into doing your husbands dirty work? . . . . . .and Hell Yes, the lady has every right to kick up a fuss and cause trouble now. Was it not your husband who denied the baby from the onset; never even tried to see the baby to see if it was his, not to talk of offering a DNA test then?

Now you both come looking after how many years? What for? Did your husband care about the baby's welfare before now?

Who knows, the woman is probably happily married and much better financially off & so doesn't need you anyway & all you people did was to stir up a hornets nest without thinking about the repercussion.

I advice that before you go any further, you involve elders from both families & if possible the babys mothers family to discuss this in length before you & your husband make any further moves which may further worsen the situation.

All this is bearing in mind that the baby is your husbands, which only a DNA test can verify, which your husband should have been brave enough to have ordered a long long long time ago; the very moment he found out about the baby.

chaircover, i get ur point but just maybe u didnt read what i wrote clearly. he didnt know about the child till after the birth when a friend told him that the child bears his name. i initiated the "soul Searching Session " like i put in my write up. he is not roping me into his dirty job like you insinuated. the baby's grandmother is already involved. as for the DNA, she seems not to be ready for the DNA as well as for him to see the baby. why should i be afraid of my husband? the person i am married to doesnt take issues as child welfare lightly. when he initiated the move to see the child 2yrs ago, he had decided to take responsibility of the child.

iyatrustee:

@ chaircover. thanks for your time. the baby should be about 6yrs of age. He found out when the baby was around 2yrs which was 4years ago. he also told me about it shortly after he found out.(But how soon is what i cant say for sure) he tried calling her to meet him at an agreed place with the Baby and i remember also speaking to her myself. after she refused, he concluded that maybe she just wanted to pin the baby on him as he claimed" to have used a condom". up untill now, she has not agreed to the DNA neither has she agreed to let him see this child.

I have been married for some years now. [b]only recently, i was discussing with my husband about possible lies we might have told ourselves in the course of dating. he now opened up about a fling he had with a girl some years back while we were still dating and told me that the girl resurfaced 2years later to say she had taken in for him [/b]and had put to bed a baby girl!

chaircover:

We all seem to be facing one way here & seem to be ready to "fight" this other woman. What for? I ask

Because what I am reading between the lines here is a man who got another woman pregnant BEFORE he got married, found out BEFORE he got married but denied the baby and then went on to marry his wife and not tell her anything about the possibility of him having a biological child until during a "search your soul" discussion which he probably engineered himself.

I personally think that the poster should be more afraid of the husband than this other woman.

You say;

"after the discussion, we tried to reach the lady in question at least to see the baby since even the supposed father has not seen her before but she blocked our every move"

See how you have been roped into doing your husbands dirty work? . . . . . .and Hell Yes, the lady has every right to kick up a fuss and cause trouble now. Was it not your husband who denied the baby from the onset; never even tried to see the baby to see if it was his, not to talk of offering a DNA test then?

Now you both come looking after how many years? What for? Did your husband care about the baby's welfare before now?

Who knows, the woman is probably happily married and much better financially off & so doesn't need you anyway & all you people did was to stir up a hornets nest without thinking about the repercussion.

I advice that before you go any further, you involve elders from both families & if possible the babys mothers family to discuss this in length before you & your husband make any further moves which may further worsen the situation.

All this is bearing in mind that the baby is your husbands, which only a DNA test can verify, which your husband should have been brave enough to have ordered a long long long time ago; the very moment he found out about the baby.

Outstrip:

She scanned the picture? How does that relate with a DNA test

iyatrustee:

@ chaircover. thanks for your time. the baby should be about 6yrs of age. He found out when the baby was around 2yrs which was 4years ago. he also told me about it shortly after he found out.(But how soon is what i cant say for sure) he tried calling her to meet him at an agreed place with the Baby and i remember also speaking to her myself. after she refused, he concluded that maybe she just wanted to pin the baby on him as he claimed" to have used a condom". up untill now, she has not agreed to the DNA neither has she agreed to let him see this child.

chaircover:

@Busybody dont let me catch you o! remember I have finally found "spunk" . . . . . . . . although not too sure about the word though . . . . isn't spunk the rude word for something us girls used to giggle about in secondary school abi I am just soooooooooooooo old that I missed the new meaning of the word

mutter:

Many people tend to underestimate the importance of the welfare and social governmental establishments. They are very important and carry allot of weight in a custordy case.
When working as a lawyer in Nigeria even years back, I came into contact with them.
Apart from that we have many women organisations in Nigeria today- They also do not cost any money.
She also needs a lawyer.
Your friend has my deepest sympathy. Will she be able to do up the teeth in Nigeria and what does it take.
I feel moved by this story.
Where does your friend stay and how old is she.
Many women hide the fact that the man is battering them because the don`t want to became the scorned. In most cases one does not realise that the man will end up that way. The signs are not always there. Besides sometimes a slap or so might be attributed to youth.
Nothing a woman does justifies this treatment. The sad aspect is that in Nigeria most people even the family of the girl, sometimes tell her she must have deserved the beatings or she should behave herself.
Most times the beating only gets worse because the man derives a kick from it.

MUTTER is a SPAMBOT

Romeo4real:


@busy body - Whilst Mutter is certainly an interesting character , i wouldn't go as far as calling her an automaton!