My Write-up - Poems For Review - Nairaland
Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Literature / Poems For Review / My Write-up (861 Views)
| My Write-up by flagship(m): 3:44am On Sep 04, 2010 |
hey, i pride mysekf as a humor writer, having the ability to write some fun into everyday situations. this is an account of a date i had a few months ago. enjoy it was a sort of blind date, I hadn’t seen the girl in about 8 years, so i’d say it was more of a cataract date. the venue was the popular e-center at yaba. I am goin to skip the awfully embarrassing things that happened before the meeting and skip righ into the juicy parts of the meeting. i arrived first of course, even though the girl had sworn on her mother’s yet to be dug grave that she was already on her way while I was still dressing up. girls and their sense of timing are a discourse for another day. I had never been to the place and commited the idiocy of asking the bike man who dropped me right in front for the main location of the complex.he looked at me curiosly abd pointed behind me. I turned back and immediately assumed a picture of sheepishness. I thanked him and quietly stode into the place. I placeda call to the girl and nearly went into cardiac arrest when it rang without being picked. I briefly thought about what the girl wud look like, it wasn’t much of a thought cos I cudnt remember a damn thing about her except her eyes. I replaced her mental image with the stuff of fantasy and steeled myself for a minor shock. the place was big and intimidating. just inside a woman was setting up what would be a chocolate fountain. it was airtight and really nice looking. I spied an escalator to the far end of the first floor and an elevator directly in front of me. now I have never been in any of these things so I calmly looked for the stairs. I feel foolish for using the word look cos the stair were right in front of me while I searched everywhere else. before climbing an actress strode in and came strgight to me before asking, “hi. please what is this place for?” i immediateky took note of my surroundings and began “it’s a supermarket, chocolate fountain stop, eatery and cinema all in one” i hoped she would be impressed by the expert i’d become. she nodded, said a thank you and moved off to explore herself. that was close!. i climbed up to the second floor and into a world of colourful adverts, perfume shops, unisex salons and all the fancy things people with bulging pockets spend their money on. I put another call to my date.she told me she was there and that I should come outside. drat! I had wanted to have the advantage of watching her walk in so i’d slip out the back door if I didn’t like what I saw. she had played me again. well, there’s always a first time, I thought, after which voice reminded me that it was the second actually(then I fancied the voiced cleared its throat, but it could have been my imagination, right?) i walked out feeling like very confidently. I was aware she wud be looking at me from wherever she was so I endeavoured to find her ans break the status quo. I began unconsciously looking for slim young girls. I saw a lot of them of course only they were rushing to a point behind me. I saw a girl coming out of a taxi a few yards away and decided she was uche(daz her name). I wanted to go around the chubby figure infront of me so I could get close, but that was not to be. as I made to move to the side, the figure in front called. “chidera”. my native name. I looked down at the slightly shorter figure. the first graphic idea I got was of an upright pig with housefly eyes bound with a g-string made of steel. but behold, it was a she!.she looked like she was gonna leak from her clothes unto the pavement. ok, maybe not. on closer inspection I realised she was putting on huge shades. I made a separate connection to the effect that this was my date. I wiped the stunned look off my face and managed a smile. now don’t get me wrong. she was a beautiful girl, really. I just hadn’t expected she would come in a bag. I didn’t know if I should hug her or something. my eyes were drawn to her body. hugging her would make me look like an amateur Sumo wrestler looking for a hold on his opponent, so I made do with a whispered “hi”. lights were goin off in my head. surely this mammoth(ok, maybe not) would eat like a, well, mammoth. or dinosaur. dinosaur’s good. Sequel coming up |
| Re: My Write-up by Joecoollorenzo(m): 10:21am On Sep 14, 2010 |
Hahahaha, , i love ur write up, d comical side of dis write up shud win u a laurel, i know dis story doesn't end there. Write on please, i can't wait to satisfy my hunger prone lov 4beautiful writeups |
| Re: My Write-up by Joecoollorenzo(m): 10:22am On Sep 14, 2010 |
Hahahaha, , i love ur write up, d comical side of dis write up shud win u a laurel, i know dis story doesn't end there. Write on please, i can't wait to satisfy my hunger prone lov 4beautiful writeups |
| Re: My Write-up by Pokarika(m): 10:52pm On Oct 25, 2010 |
mhh i dont know wot 2 say, only chekin how posibul it is 2 comment. |
| Re: My Write-up by flagship(m): 7:51am On Nov 01, 2010 |
We strodeinto the place. I was feeling slightly awkward. I was still obsessed with hersize somewhat. I tried to make light conversation. That didn't work out toowell. It was almost as if she had bumped into me cos she kept looking around asthough she were searching for somebody else. I joined her in looking around. Bythe time we had seen everything there was to see, I calmly suggested we get something to drink. We wentupstairs to an eatery I had spied earlier on and she requested for ice-cream. Shedid this while complaining about her weight. I thought that was strange.Personally, I don't take stuff like thatso I paid a hefty 500bucks for one flimsy cup of ice-cream that looked like itcontained more raw sugar than cream. Of course they gave the thing an exotic name.Something with a v. We took aseat and made small talk while she ate the thing. I mentally counted how manyspoonfuls were in that cup to warrant my 500 bucks. I didn't get up to fifteen.Let me give you an idea of how it went "This thingis too sugary", she remarked whiletalking a mouthful. I acted asthough this were some incredible bit of info "Really? Whatare ice-creams turning to these days?" I took agood look at her while saying these. She had fat arms. They looked likedbranches from a water bed, she being the waterbed, of course. "I think amtoo fat" "I swear, Idon't think so" "Really. Iwant to slim down, so am watching what I eat" If watchingwhat she ate meant she could inhale this ice-cream with no restraints I wonderedwhat she ate before, live pigs and a jug of groundnut oil? "You arenot that fat, just rubbery". I said thelatter under my breath. "wot?!" shehad heard. Crap. shud ave realised fat made for more efficient inner ear vibration.Had to think fast "I said, you are just slightly chubby" "Oh.so wotare you doing now?" "ampreparing to graduate" "So you area graduate!" I shook myhead mentally and nodded visibly. just then, two dudes from school passed by.damn! I saidhello. they replied and looked with curiosity at the girl. maybe they actuallythought I was crazy to be talking to the chair. I couldn't blame them, the chair was fat. i hoped nobody I knew wouldsee me here. she had been on shades all along, so I made a request to see her eyes. she began removing them. I am quite happy to say that she had the most beautiful eyes I had yet seen. you know those cat-eye thing tha twas familiar to the Egyptians, she had them naturally. I was impressed, this might actually work. the rest ofthe conversation breezed. beneath all that layer of solid oil was a wonderfulgirl, I 'd prob like to know her better. "am done", shesaid, putting down the cup on thetable.i glanced at it. it wa sstill half full. 270 naira. plus theprice of the cup. This girlis a robber. i resistedthe urge to climb over the tacle and strangle her while screaming, "do you know what I went through to borrowthat money you just burnt!.do you?. you shall pay for this with your life, you whale-sized piece of female humanity(had aconvo today with sewa. she said she didn't like the B word. please fit it in atyour convenience)" a sense ofcivilisation prevented me. I smiled while my brain boiled. "Ok, Then.You didn't finish your ice-cream". "it's toosugary", she replied. I smiled, theangel of perfect understanding.there was prob a halo around my head. the devilwould have been proud. I slid outof the couch and stood up while I guided her out of hers. didn't want to takeany chances. she might fall and spill. didn't have money or type to takesomeone to the clinic downstairs. it prob cost an arm and a leg for bandagesalone. we took a leisurely walk about the complex till we gotto the elevator. I had never been in onebefore and I forthrightly told her so. she calledme a bush man. i smiled.strike two. we got intoit. there was one other occupant. she looked like a hairdresser(those Yorubagirls with a lot of lipstick and a constantly bad hair day). I discovered thatthe whole box was reflective inside.i immediately got vain about my appearancewhile she watched me silently. Then the elevator began to move. I had forgotten to steel myself for the shock. With the slight jolt, i felt like I was going to drop one there inside that box. myinside nearly came out through my anus. I lost my balance and was lucky shequickly caught me while singing for all the world to hear that I jus came fromthe village. the hairdresser smiled. I broke out in a slight sweat, embarrassed. strike three. The doorsslid open and I was more than happy to scramble out. what if I had farted rightthere?, the door would have opened to three unconscious bodies. As weneared the boutique at the far end of one hall, a dude with a big production-type camera askedme if I cud hold still for an interview that will be aired. i imaginedmy father watching the evening news and suddenly seeing me on TV when I wassposed to be at school. I imagined the layout of the Bill-of-Disinheritance notificationthat would be delivered to my room at school. I politely declined. after a fewmeters she stopped suddenly "my leggings are coming loose", she intoned, not in the least bit embarrassed I hoped shewudnt ask me to help her pull it up in front of all those self-respectingvisitors. she didn't, but she didsomething infinitely more embarrassing (she was wearinga short gown which ended mid-thigh and a leggings which had this loop thatreached under the soles of her feet on which she had on a gladiator-typesandal. oh plus a massive abortion belt, perhaps to hold all that stomach in) she reached under her clothes and grabbed the top of the leggings, then did the abominable thing of lifting herinto the air and kicking out, sort of like kicking a 1-foot tall child in thehead while holding your waist. i ease daway from her so that I would not be associated with this creature. a couple ofpple were puzzled at her behaviour. I took on the expression of puzzlement too so that I didn't appear the escort of this bush girl and thus have the right to act amazed. when she was thru with all that kicking in the centre of the hall, shelooked up at me. I smiled, came over andtook her hand. we continued the leisurely walk. after a bit, I had to pee, so I excused myself to theurinal. I did the job and shook once for the bulk and once again for theremainder. on my way out I saw that the guy that had just finished before me wasusing one of those dryers to wash his wet hands. I had only seen them in movies. I didn't think Ihad any germs in my pee so I had bener made it a point to wash my hand afterpeeing, but I didn't want to appearuncultured to this fine gentleman, I walkedover to the dryer beside, washed myhands with the tap underneath it andsuddenly realised I didn't know how to turn it on. I figured I looked like astupid German shepherd dog right about then. after two seconds, i gathered upthe courage, it was easy cos he was much older. "am sorry, how do you turn this on?" "you don't".that was ll? "youdon't?", I asked sheepishly "just putyour hand under it". I did and out came the hot air. as he wasleaving, i said something to the effect that the type I was used to wasprobably an old model. I didn't want to appear too ignorant you see. i met upwith my date. she already appeared fatter. I wondered again about theice-cream, you never know. we continued with a lot of date-type conversation, girlfriends and boyfriends and all. she texther cousin that she was with me. the girl replied asking if I was a handsomedude. I saw the text. She replied.dont ask me wot. The rest ofit went by pretty good, thank God she was an avid conversationalist. That'senough for me. There wasthe arcade game station where I couldn't resist holding her by her waist coseveryone else was doing same. Actually because I wanted to measure something.that was when I realised I wudnt be able to get a finger under her belt becauseit was so tight(sure hope that didn't come out wrong). There wasthe Koko lounge reputed to be owned by dbanj. it was really classy amd we werewelcomed by a guy with a wide smile. she wanted alcohol but the place smelledas if there was a cigarette smoking contest on. I couldn't bear it. Plus shetot I was really jokin when I told her Ididn't drink. a jewellerystore. God! I had never seen somebody with more penchant for window-shopping. Shelooked at everything Then therewas the computer store, my favourite part, whereI first laid eyes on theapple imac that is my dream system. orgasmic. She keptranting in the background about the blackberry and nokia, but she could havebeen talking to a tree. Theescalator ride. my first. Hers too. stuff was exhilarating. I had to climb backdownstairs and do it all again. she looked like she had belly trouble duringthe ride. she was scared of the thing but comfortable in elevators. food forthought. She cudnthave food for thought. she would gobble down. I met three more students from school. thankfully we were just acquaintances. there was alittle cute confectionary, she wantedmeat pie . I wanted a bar of Twix. I paidand waited. the woman didn't give me any change. I slid away. Thieves. she spied asister of a friend and regaled me with gossip. fortunately we both agreed thatthe girl was butt-ugly .damn! I nearly choked on the twix. there should be Ugly Pageants. we even tooka picture together. I gave her a copy. She still has it. I lost mine thatevening. hope it would not find its way to a native doctor. Am really not inthe mood to be bewitched. it was allfun anyway and we were reluctant to call it an evening, |
| Re: My Write-up by Nobody: 11:07am On Nov 02, 2010 |
flagship: |
| Re: My Write-up by Nobody: 11:08am On Nov 02, 2010 |
flagship: |
| Re: My Write-up by Nobody: 11:11am On Nov 02, 2010 |
i |
| Re: My Write-up by Nobody: 11:13am On Nov 02, 2010 |
It seems the spambot prevented flagships post with the continuing part of the story from being submitted for reasons best known to it. So you can retrieve it from his profile. I tried posting it before as a quote but that also got deleted. |
| Re: My Write-up by Nobody: 11:50am On Nov 02, 2010 |
flagship: |
| Re: My Write-up by flagship2: 5:32am On Nov 09, 2010 |
@fellis, how didi u figure that out. i had to open a new account in order to post this. na wa o.seems nairaland has deactivated my account We strodeinto the place. I was feeling slightly awkward. I was still obsessed with hersize somewhat. I tried to make light conversation. That didn't work out toowell. It was almost as if she had bumped into me cos she kept looking around asthough she were searching for somebody else. I joined her in looking around. Bythe time we had seen everything there was to see, I calmly suggested we get something to drink. We wentupstairs to an eatery I had spied earlier on and she requested for ice-cream. Shedid this while complaining about her weight. I thought that was strange.Personally, I don't take stuff like thatso I paid a hefty 500bucks for one flimsy cup of ice-cream that looked like itcontained more raw sugar than cream. Of course they gave the thing an exotic name.Something with a v. We took aseat and made small talk while she ate the thing. I mentally counted how manyspoonfuls were in that cup to warrant my 500 bucks. I didn't get up to fifteen.Let me give you an idea of how it went "This thingis too sugary", she remarked whiletalking a mouthful. I acted asthough this were some incredible bit of info "Really? Whatare ice-creams turning to these days?" I took agood look at her while saying these. She had fat arms. They looked likedbranches from a water bed, she being the waterbed, of course. "I think amtoo fat" "I swear, Idon't think so" "Really. Iwant to slim down, so am watching what I eat" If watchingwhat she ate meant she could inhale this ice-cream with no restraints I wonderedwhat she ate before, live pigs and a jug of groundnut oil? "You arenot that fat, just rubbery". I said thelatter under my breath. "wot?!" shehad heard. Crap. shud ave realised fat made for more efficient inner ear vibration.Had to think fast "I said, you are just slightly chubby" "Oh.so wotare you doing now?" "ampreparing to graduate" "So you area graduate!" I shook myhead mentally and nodded visibly. just then, two dudes from school passed by.damn! I saidhello. they replied and looked with curiosity at the girl. maybe they actuallythought I was crazy to be talking to the chair. I couldn't blame them, the chair was fat. i hoped nobody I knew wouldsee me here. she had been on shades all along, so I made a request to see her eyes. she began removing them. I am quite happy to say that she had the most beautiful eyes I had yet seen. you know those cat-eye thing tha twas familiar to the Egyptians, she had them naturally. I was impressed, this might actually work. the rest ofthe conversation breezed. beneath all that layer of solid oil was a wonderfulgirl, I 'd prob like to know her better. "am done", shesaid, putting down the cup on thetable.i glanced at it. it wa sstill half full. 270 naira. plus theprice of the cup. This girlis a robber. i resistedthe urge to climb over the tacle and strangle her while screaming, "do you know what I went through to borrowthat money you just burnt!.do you?. you shall pay for this with your life, you whale-sized piece of female humanity(had aconvo today with sewa. she said she didn't like the B word. please fit it in atyour convenience)" a sense ofcivilisation prevented me. I smiled while my brain boiled. "Ok, Then.You didn't finish your ice-cream". "it's toosugary", she replied. I smiled, theangel of perfect understanding.there was prob a halo around my head. the devilwould have been proud. I slid outof the couch and stood up while I guided her out of hers. didn't want to takeany chances. she might fall and spill. didn't have money or type to takesomeone to the clinic downstairs. it prob cost an arm and a leg for bandagesalone. we took a leisurely walk about the complex till we gotto the elevator. I had never been in onebefore and I forthrightly told her so. she calledme a bush man. i smiled.strike two. we got intoit. there was one other occupant. she looked like a hairdresser(those Yorubagirls with a lot of lipstick and a constantly bad hair day). I discovered thatthe whole box was reflective inside.i immediately got vain about my appearancewhile she watched me silently. Then the elevator began to move. I had forgotten to steel myself for the shock. With the slight jolt, i felt like I was going to drop one there inside that box. myinside nearly came out through my anus. I lost my balance and was lucky shequickly caught me while singing for all the world to hear that I jus came fromthe village. the hairdresser smiled. I broke out in a slight sweat, embarrassed. strike three. The doorsslid open and I was more than happy to scramble out. what if I had farted rightthere?, the door would have opened to three unconscious bodies. As weneared the boutique at the far end of one hall, a dude with a big production-type camera askedme if I cud hold still for an interview that will be aired. i imaginedmy father watching the evening news and suddenly seeing me on TV when I wassposed to be at school. I imagined the layout of the Bill-of-Disinheritance notificationthat would be delivered to my room at school. I politely declined. after a fewmeters she stopped suddenly "my leggings are coming loose", she intoned, not in the least bit embarrassed I hoped shewudnt ask me to help her pull it up in front of all those self-respectingvisitors. she didn't, but she didsomething infinitely more embarrassing (she was wearinga short gown which ended mid-thigh and a leggings which had this loop thatreached under the soles of her feet on which she had on a gladiator-typesandal. oh plus a massive abortion belt, perhaps to hold all that stomach in) she reached under her clothes and grabbed the top of the leggings, then did the abominable thing of lifting herinto the air and kicking out, sort of like kicking a 1-foot tall child in thehead while holding your waist. i ease daway from her so that I would not be associated with this creature. a couple ofpple were puzzled at her behaviour. I took on the expression of puzzlement too so that I didn't appear the escort of this bush girl and thus have the right to act amazed. when she was thru with all that kicking in the centre of the hall, shelooked up at me. I smiled, came over andtook her hand. we continued the leisurely walk. after a bit, I had to pee, so I excused myself to theurinal. I did the job and shook once for the bulk and once again for theremainder. on my way out I saw that the guy that had just finished before me wasusing one of those dryers to wash his wet hands. I had only seen them in movies. I didn't think Ihad any germs in my pee so I had bener made it a point to wash my hand afterpeeing, but I didn't want to appearuncultured to this fine gentleman, I walkedover to the dryer beside, washed myhands with the tap underneath it andsuddenly realised I didn't know how to turn it on. I figured I looked like astupid German shepherd dog right about then. after two seconds, i gathered upthe courage, it was easy cos he was much older. "am sorry, how do you turn this on?" "you don't".that was ll? "youdon't?", I asked sheepishly "just putyour hand under it". I did and out came the hot air. as he wasleaving, i said something to the effect that the type I was used to wasprobably an old model. I didn't want to appear too ignorant you see. i met upwith my date. she already appeared fatter. I wondered again about theice-cream, you never know. we continued with a lot of date-type conversation, girlfriends and boyfriends and all. she texther cousin that she was with me. the girl replied asking if I was a handsomedude. I saw the text. She replied.dont ask me wot. The rest ofit went by pretty good, thank God she was an avid conversationalist. That'senough for me. There wasthe arcade game station where I couldn't resist holding her by her waist coseveryone else was doing same. Actually because I wanted to measure something.that was when I realised I wudnt be able to get a finger under her belt becauseit was so tight(sure hope that didn't come out wrong). There wasthe Koko lounge reputed to be owned by dbanj. it was really classy amd we werewelcomed by a guy with a wide smile. she wanted alcohol but the place smelledas if there was a cigarette smoking contest on. I couldn't bear it. Plus shetot I was really jokin when I told her Ididn't drink. a jewellerystore. God! I had never seen somebody with more penchant for window-shopping. Shelooked at everything Then therewas the computer store, my favourite part, whereI first laid eyes on theapple imac that is my dream system. glorious. She keptranting in the background about the blackberry and nokia, but she could havebeen talking to a tree. Theescalator ride. my first. Hers too. stuff was exhilarating. I had to climb backdownstairs and do it all again. she looked like she had belly trouble duringthe ride. she was scared of the thing but comfortable in elevators. food forthought. She cudnthave food for thought. she would gobble down. I met three more students from school. thankfully we were just acquaintances. there was alittle cute confectionary, she wantedmeat pie . I wanted a bar of Twix. I paidand waited. the woman didn't give me any change. I slid away. Thieves. she spied asister of a friend and regaled me with gossip. fortunately we both agreed thatthe girl was butt-ugly .damn! I nearly choked on the twix. there should be Ugly Pageants. we even tooka picture together. I gave her a copy. She still has it. I lost mine thatevening. hope it would not find its way to a native doctor. Am really not inthe mood to be bewitched. it was allfun anyway and we were reluctant to call it an evening, |
| Re: My Write-up by Nobody: 7:02pm On Nov 09, 2010 |
spambot sha. |
| Re: My Write-up by Cyberfreak(f): 7:13pm On Nov 09, 2010 |
Z |
| Re: My Write-up by flagship1: 12:38am On Nov 12, 2010 |
i had to get this new account in order to continue posting!  thank you cyberfreak for the compliment. nicely put. ok, so here goes We strode into the place. I was feeling slightly awkward. I was still obsessed with her size somewhat. I tried to make light conversation. That didn’t work out too well. It was almost as if she had bumped into me cos she kept looking around as though she were searching for somebody else. I joined her in looking around. By the time we had seen everything there was to see, I calmly suggested we get something to drink. We went upstairs to an eatery I had spied earlier on and she requested for ice-cream. She did this while complaining about her weight. I thought that was strange. Personally, I don’t take stuff like that so I paid a hefty 500bucks for one flimsy cup of ice-cream that looked like it contained more raw sugar than cream. Of course they gave the thing an exotic name. Something with a v. We took a seat and made small talk while she ate the thing. I mentally counted how many spoonfuls were in that cup to warrant my 500 bucks. I didn’t get up to fifteen. Let me give you an idea of how it went “This thing is too sugary”, she remarked while talking a mouthful. I acted as though this were some incredible bit of info “Really? What are ice-creams turning to these days?” I took a good look at her while saying these. She had fat arms. They looked liked branches from a water bed, she being the waterbed, of course. “I think am too fat” “I swear, I don’t think so” “Really. I want to slim down, so am watching what I eat” If watching what she ate meant she could inhale this ice-cream with no restraints I wondered what she ate before, live pigs and a jug of groundnut oil? “You are not that fat, just rubbery”. I said the latter under my breath. “wot?!” she had heard. Crap. shud ave realised fat made for more efficient inner ear vibration. Had to think fast “I said, you are just slightly chubby” “Oh.so wot are you doing now?” “am preparing to graduate” “So you are a graduate!” I shook my head mentally and nodded visibly. just then, two dudes from school passed by.damn! I said hello. they replied and looked with curiosity at the girl. maybe they actually thought I was crazy to be talking to the chair. I couldn’t blame them, the chair was fat. i hoped nobody I knew would see me here. she had been shades all along, so I made a request to see her eyes. she began removing them. I am quite happy to say that she had the most beautiful eyes I had yet seen. you know those cat-eye thing that was familiar to the Egyptians, she had them naturally. I was impressed, this might actually work. the rest of the conversation breezed. beneath all that layer of solid oil was a wonderful girl, I ‘d prob like to know her better. “am done”, she said, putting down the cup on the table.i glanced at it. it was still half full. 270naira. plus the price of the cup. This girl is a robber. i resisted the urge to climb over the tacle and strangle her while screaming, ”do you know what I went through to borrow that money you just burnt!.do you?. you shall pay for this with your life, you whale-sized piece of female humanity(had a convo today with sewa. she said she didn’t like the B word. please fit it in at your convenience)” a sense of civilisation prevented me. I smiled while my brain boiled. “Ok, Then. You didn’t finish your ice-cream”. “it’s too sugary”, she replied. I smiled, the angel of perfect understanding.there was prob a halo around my head. the devil would have been proud. I slid out of the couch and stood up while I guided her out of hers. didn’t want to take any chances. she might fall and spill. didn’t have money or type to take someone to the clinic downstairs. it prob cost an arm and a leg for bandages alone. we took a leisurely walk about the complex till we got to the elevator. I had never been in one before and I forthrightly told her so. she called me a bush man, |
| Re: My Write-up by eekkwwee: 5:25am On Nov 12, 2010 |
thanks cyberfreak, for that compliment. this is the third NL account am opening to post this cos i kip gettin banned.so am guessing the site dosent have 603600 unique members. We strode into the place. I was feeling slightly awkward. I was still obsessed with her size somewhat. I tried to make light conversation. That didn’t work out too well. It was almost as if she had bumped into me cos she kept looking around as though she were searching for somebody else. I joined her in looking around. By the time we had seen everything there was to see, I calmly suggested we get something to drink. We went upstairs to an eatery I had spied earlier on and she requested for ice-cream. She did this while complaining about her weight. I thought that was strange. Personally, I don’t take stuff like that so I paid a hefty 500bucks for one flimsy cup of ice-cream that looked like it contained more raw sugar than cream. Of course they gave the thing an exotic name. Something with a v. We took a seat and made small talk while she ate the thing. I mentally counted how many spoonfuls were in that cup to warrant my 500 bucks. I didn’t get up to fifteen. Let me give you an idea of how it went “This thing is too sugary”, she remarked while talking a mouthful. I acted as though this were some incredible bit of info “Really? What are ice-creams turning to these days?” I took a good look at her while saying these. She had fat arms. They looked liked branches from a water bed, she being the waterbed, of course. “I think am too fat” “I swear, I don’t think so” “Really. I want to slim down, so am watching what I eat” If watching what she ate meant she could inhale this ice-cream with no restraints I wondered what she ate before, live pigs and a jug of groundnut oil? “You are not that fat, just rubbery”. I said the latter under my breath. “wot?!” she had heard. Crap. shud ave realised fat made for more efficient inner ear vibration. Had to think fast |
| Re: My Write-up by eekkwwee: 10:15am On Nov 12, 2010 |
soory folks. it seems the spambot has let go of my accounting and has brought back every failed attempt at the story. i hope you read and enjoy sha. |
| Re: My Write-up by flagship(m): 6:07am On Nov 13, 2010 |
did i mention that i am a *talented* graphic designer. see my work here https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-482571.0.html |
(1) (Reply)
THOUGH I AM BROKEN / Butterfly / Read this, Somebody
(Go Up)
| Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 180 |