Last year October, one of the Daughters of my late elder Brother was planning to have her wedding. I, her mother and the rest of her Brothers and Sisters gave our support. As I am the eldest in the family I gave her N100,000, with the intent that I will give more during the wedding but to our surprise we realised that the groom family are not in any support of the wedding. We called the bride and put our feet down that we won’t give our nod to the wedding unless the groom family gave their consent which we realised later that they are not ready to do because of our stand the lady stopped communicating with me and I let it be.

Now her Junior Brother wants to have his own wedding and we all decided that the cloth bought for the children, my children inclusive, for the botched wedding should now be used for the new wedding. The cloth to be used by my children for the wedding has been with one of my late Brother’s Daughter who is a fashion designer and also the elder Sister to the one with botched wedding since last year October. Whenever we called for it she will tell us that she has sown it but no one to bring it to us, we living in a different city from hers. I insisted a fortnight ago that she should send the cloth to us by any means possible and I also reported the issue to her Mum. I was deeply shocked to be told by her Mum that she gave her Daughter the instruction that the clothes should not be sown hence we didn’t send the measurement (which I know has been earlier sent) and the cloth will be send back to us, I then asked her that if the measurement was not sent why is her Daughter telling us that it has being sown since 6 months ago, she didn’t respond but rather stopped calling me. When she eventually send the cloth to us the next day, we discover that the materials bought are of low quality than the one requested for. The guy that want to have his wedding next week was prevailed upon to visit me with his fiancé, as I will be representing his late father at the event and he brought the lady because of this advice. At the visit, he was looking forward to me giving him money for his wedding as I earlier did for his sister last year, but rather I advised him to plan his wedding based on his resources and not to rely on anybody. He stopped communicating with me from that day to even update me, his other Sisters and Mum thread this same path. I have now decided also not to participate in the wedding. For me now, I have some financial commitments to take care of this month like school fees of my kids, house rent, sundry etc.



Please advise.

Listen to me, in the first place they don't genuinely love you, they only need your resources.

Let them be.

Live your life as if they don't exist.


One day they will all come to ask for your forgiveness.


Never you force yourself on them.

when u guys were asking for the consent of the groom's family, were you the one that move the motion and stood by it? hope the girls family were in support. also, you should av given the bro somthing, even little. pls call him and do so. even as their uncle, i will ask u dont make much decision for them else they will see u as enemy. your nuclear family problem should be enough for you. if i were u, will return the cloth with another measurement.

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So you will give everybody money for marriage despite your financial situation? I think you should speak to their mother concerning this. If you gave N100k for a botched wedding, why didn't they return your money to you? good luck sir

just go for the wedding and play your part .
since you didn't choose date for them. they shouldn't be angry if you don't have money to give this time around

You showed up at the visit and played your part. You should do the same with the wedding - attend and play your part. Unless they verbally tell you not to attend, which they won't, go.

I guess their mother is the real problem here. That aside.

Since the other lady with the botched wedding didn't return the money without even being told, then they really must feel entitled.

For the future, I feel you should give the guy about to get married something (it should be little though) and also attend the wedding. But you and and family should wear something different. You need not stay too long during the ceremony.


I doubt they will ask for help afterwards. They will feel too guilty. If they do eventually, it will come with an apology.

I really thanks you all for the advice so far given, though I'm not foreclosing further ones coming.

Thank you very much.

Osila2:
I really thanks you all for the advice so far given, though I'm not foreclosing further ones coming.

Thank you very much.

Call your nephew and give him something no matter how little it is. Explain your financial situation to him and make him know you don't have much presently. Attend the wedding and play your part. Thereafter keep them at arm's length. If they call you later on, reciprocate by calling them back. If they don't, just face your own nuclear family.

As advised by Nairanders and some other people, I went for the court wedding from the hotel where I lodged. On the second day my wife and children came to meet me therein and we went to the traditional marriage. The Mother of the groom gave me a cold reception there but I played my part. After the event my wife implored me that we should attend the reception after I've told her earlier that I am not interested, well in order to satisfy her I agreed. At the reception, we were not offered seat, I have to pick chairs by myself, neither were we entertained but we were surely ignored even by the groom. My wife was really annoyed and after some minutes we left. None of them all deem it fit to pay me a thank-you visit nor call! !!

So poster, what is your business cancelling someone else's daughters marriage ?
If the mother is in agreement , then what is your own ? Are you the one going to marry the lady now ?
Because you have small change now you want to start running their family as your own ?

It was very wicked of you to have cancelled the marriage I guess they depended on you so much for financial assistance and you exploited their vulnerability.

If you want to help people, help them without expecting anything in return.

For your information, A man does not need his parents or family consent to get married, in the bible Moses got married while he was in Jethros house, how many of his family members were there to give their consent ?

As long as the groom says he wants to marry the lady that is all that matters, if I knew the family I will tell them to avoid you cos you are suffering from inferiority complex.

It is only a woman that requires the parents consent for marriage, the mans family does not have to agree to his choice.

Osila2:
As advised by Nairanders and some other people, I went for the court wedding from the hotel where I lodged. On the second day my wife and children came to meet me therein and we went to the traditional marriage. The Mother of the groom gave me a cold reception there but I played my part. After the event my wife implored me that we should attend the reception after I've told her earlier that I am not interested, well in order to satisfy her I agreed. At the reception, we were not offered seat, I have to pick chairs by myself, neither were we entertained but we were surely ignored even by the groom. My wife was really annoyed and after some minutes we left. None of them all deem it fit to pay me a thank-you visit nor call! !!

Well, you have played your part. I hope you understand now that when your daughters/sons want to get married, they would be required to do it within their immediate family. No more calling of extended folks lest they be embarrassed.

Meanwhile, face your nuclear family and leave the extended family alone. They apparently don't regard you as the eldest you think you are so long as money isn't involved. Cheers.

calgaryFriend:
So poster, what is your business cancelling someone else's daughters marriage ?
If the mother is in agreement , then what is your own ? Are you the one going to marry the lady now ?
Because you have small change now you want to start running their family as your own ?

It was very wicked of you to have cancelled the marriage I guess they depended on you so much for financial assistance and you exploited their vulnerability.

If you want to help people, help them without expecting anything in return.

For your information, A man does not need his parents or family consent to get married, in the bible Moses got married while he was in Jethros house, how many of his family members were there to give their consent ?

As long as the groom says he wants to marry the lady that is all that matters, if I knew the family I will tell them to avoid you cos you are suffering from inferior complex.

It is only a woman that requires the parents consent for marriage, the mans family does not have to agree to his choice.

I would have ignored you but decided to let you know some facts and equally open your head:
1. I want you to read my first post again to know that I am talking about 2 people in 2 different events.
2. I want you to also read the contributions and advice of Nairalanders.
3. I DIDN'T, I repeat, I DIDN'T call off any wedding. Even my 2 Daughters who are happily married and having 4 kids between them when they initially introduced their husbands to me I didn't object to their decision, rather I prayed for them. Why will I cancel any wedding ?
4. If you have the wisdom to read between the lines of this my response to you, you will definitely know that both of us are not on the same level in any ramifications.
5. I am a philanthropist that don't blow his horn. I know how much I have expended on the extended family.
6. I gave N100,000 to the bride and I didn't request it back even after the wedding was called off.
7. I thank God that He blessed me with your so called "small money", from wherein I blessed humanity from.
8. I worked legally for my money.

Having access to the internet through an android phone is not a license to display your stupidity, frustration, insults and tantrum. However, I will implore you to do a proper analysis before responding to any post because the loneliness, boredom and the cold of Canada has reset your brain.

'Seun Osewa established this beautiful platform that has made tremendous impact in peoples' lives, let's keep it that way @calgaryFriend

Op Osila2
You seem like a toxic fellow. Your response to the Canadian Calgary is Soo immature.
I think you should go radio silence on your nieces and nephews issues. I wonder why they are acting so petty to you.

Osila2:


I would have ignored you but decided to let you know some facts and equally open your head:
1. I want you to read my first post again to know that I am talking about 2 people in 2 different events.
2. I want you to also read the contributions and advice of Nairalanders.
3. I DIDN'T, I repeat, I DIDN'T call off any wedding. Even my 2 Daughters who are happily married and having 4 kids between them when they initially introduced their husbands to me I didn't object to their decision, rather I prayed for them. Why will I cancel any wedding ?
4. If you have the wisdom to read between the lines of this my response to you, you will definitely know that both of us are not on the same level in any ramifications.
5. I am a philanthropist that don't blow his horn. I know how much I have expended on the extended family.
6. I gave N100,000 to the bride and I didn't request it back even after the wedding was called off.
7. I thank God that He blessed me with your so called "small money", from wherein I blessed humanity from.
8. I worked legally for my money.

Having access to the internet through an android phone is not a license to display your stupidity, frustration, insults and tantrum. However, I will implore you to do a proper analysis before responding to any post because the loneliness, boredom and the cold of Canada has reset your brain.

'Seun Osewa established this beautiful platform that has made tremendous impact in peoples' lives, let's keep it that way @calgaryFriend

We called the bride and put our feet down that we won’t give our nod to the wedding unless the groom family gave their consent which we realised later that they are not ready to do because of our stand the lady stopped communicating with me and I let it be.

Now her Junior Brother wants to have his own wedding and we all decided that the cloth bought for the children, my children inclusive, for the botched wedding should now be used for the new wedding.

At the visit, he was looking forward to me giving him money for his wedding as I earlier did for his sister last year, but rather I advised him to plan his wedding based on his resources and not to rely on anybody.

I have quoted relevant areas of your response for you, what I see is someone trying to dictate and control that family.

The last quote is even more shameful. How can you not support the poor boy ? If you do not have the means it is understandable, but this is someone without a father, if his father was alive would he give him the same flimsy advise you gave him ?
If you argue that you are not his father so you are not obligated to give him money fine, but why are you still seeking for them to treat you like a father and you are whining ?

Lastly, if you did not want to be advised or corrected then dont bring your matter to a public forum.
If you were so knowledgeable why are you seeking for advise from Nairalanders.