Dave and I have been friends since 1999 during our university days. Dave met Clara around 2003 when we were already in our final year. She was a 200 level student at the faculty of social sciences then. Clara was beautiful, bold, brilliant and easygoing as far as I could recollect. Dave is an electrical-electronic engineer by training, so after NYSC, he got a job with a private radio station in Lagos with an average emoluments. Clara read economics, she got a job with a consulting outfit on the island in January, 2009, they got married in October 2009. At the time of their marriage, Clara was earning twice her husband's salary. Clara happened to be a young woman who is too close to her mother, a woman who raised her two children (all females) as a single mother. I learnt that her dad, a pharmacist had issues with Clara's mum and relocated from Lagos to Ile-Ife where he took up a job with the university and later settled down with another woman. The first negative sign Dave claimed to have noticed in his wife few months into their marriage was her lack of respect for him and his views on almost all issues. He said she was always telling him to look for a better paying job as she won't be able to keep putting up with the "peanut" being offered by the private station. The most amazing part of the story according to Dave is that Clara was in the know about his pay when they were still dating and she didn't raise eyebrows about it then. She kept her money to herself while the husband takes care of the home. Dave said that most times, he is usually left with nothing after paying the bills of the home and that he had to get involved in advert hunts for his station as a way of making extra pay part-time but that his schedule at the station didn't really give him the opportunity to go far in this and that most of the adverts he got from his church and church members which are his major clients usually yield little or no commission sometimes. They had issues from time to time with Clara telling her husband its his responsibility to take care of the home and that she'll help only if she want to. Dave said her ways of "helping" are usually annoying. She'll get her pay by month end and take their wedding pictures to the studio for enlargement, reshaping and other forms of decorations in their house, she would later fight Dave for not appreciating her gesture. Things like food, water, gas, rent, creche bills, electricity, laundry, basic home appliances etc must be bought or maintained by Dave. By 2012, they have had 2 kids and the responsibilities became huge for Dave which made him to save some money, liquidate his coop savings in his office, took loan from his twin brother Dan and some of us his friends and then resigned from the radio station to venture into computer sales and services. He has always had interest in this business since his NYSC days which he observed in a computer firm at the FCT. Dave's twin brother who is educated only to school certificate level is also a guru in computer and ICT equipment which he learnt as an apprentice for 8 years. Dan has always encouraged his brother to venture into the line, that it's a very lucrative business. Dan does his business at the computer village, Ikeja.


#to be continued

The years 2013, 2014 and 2015 were extremely difficult for Dave as he had to really struggle hard to meet his obligations to his immediate family, his wife didn't bother about his ordeals as long as family needs are met. He kept hope alive while struggling to grow his business. During the Christmas time of 2015, he hit gold through one of our old university friends named Sade, a lady who has been living in the United States with her husband immediately after their wedding in 2007. She came home for xmas and Dave met her by chance in a bank. Her father is a very big and wealthy Lagos based businessman. One of his companies represents a Chinese firm that's into computer and accessories sales and services in Nigeria and West Africa. Through Sade's intervention and insistence, Dave was able to come into a collaboration with this big company by becoming an independent agent for them across the southwestern States, Kwara, Kogi, Edo and Delta States. His contacts during his radio days helped him tremendously. Dave did so well to the extent that Sade's dad quickly made him a partner in the his company. Clara on the other hand had also risen higher in her office but whatever she earns today cannot be compared to her husband's income that have grown phenomenally. But the crack in their home did not heal even with the rise in their resources, rather a new twist emerged.


#to be continued!

The new twist is that Clara had become too sensitive and would suspect every thing her husband does, she wants to have foreknowledge of every steps and moves Dave makes, she want to control everything about her husband. Where he goes, who he relates with, she didn't even want to see any member of Dave's family in their home, she has not hidden his disdain for Dan from day 1 of their marriage, in fact, she once told me she hates everyone in computer village including Dan, her brother-in-law. She want to determine who Dave helps, what he donate to church, family and friends etc. Dave have vehemently resisted these attitudes of his wife. Clara told their senior pastor last week that she didn't know her husband's investments and worth and that he spends money without carrying her along as his wife. She also accused him of having extramarital affairs with one of his workers named Juliet whom they both knew in their church before Dave employed her as a warehouse manager. Dave denied the allegation, their pastor who was instrumental to Juliet's employment had to wade in before Clara would agree and calm down. Clara's mum is another big issue in their relationship. She was the one who taught her daughter never to assist Dave with her money when things weren't going on well with him. She often narrates the nasty experience she went through in the hand of Clara's dad to her according to Dave. The old woman told everybody who cared to listen including myself in the presence of some pastors from their church last week that Clara made Dave and that he was a pauper when he married her daughter in 2009. She said all men are the same, that men will always deviate after "their wives" have struggled to help them rise. She even said she told Clara not to marry Dave because of his background, she said poor boys cannot be trusted, that they'll always misbehave when they become comfortable. I heard all manner of things from the woman that day, too bad! That woman is very difficult as I can observe and Clara didn't do anything to call her mum to order even in the presence of her pastors and myself. Clara even told everyone in their house that day that I know how she took Dave out of the dungeon of poverty and made him a real man, a statement that looked more like someone narrating a dream to me, I had to be reticent though, thank God the people there, their pastor and his wife knew about almost everything from the beginning. Dave and Clara has two boys who are now 9 and 7 year old respectively. Hello, nairalanders, why are some women so complicated like this? When Dave was poor, it was problem everyday, now that things are picking up for him, its wahala. Dave now stays more at work than at home against his wish. He goes to work on Saturdays instead of resting at home. Sometimes, he'll go with his boys whom he love to be with so much. The business has helped him to explore opportunities abroad especially in China, Singapore, Indonesia and some European countries where Sade's dad had business alliances. Dave told me he is always in the haven of peace anytime he is abroad. Clara that we used to know as a gentle and easy going beautiful lady of our university days have become a thorn in the flesh of my good, quiet and easygoing friend Dave. This thing called marriage, na wa o. Can you please drop any matured advise for Dave dear friends? Thank you so much.


#concluded!

Let Dave and Clara sort out themselves. Dave should sit down with his wife and discuss heart to heart ad settle everything

wwwkaycom:
The new twist is that Clara had become too sensitive and would suspect every thing her husband does, she wants to have foreknowledge of every steps and moves Dave makes, she want to control everything about her husband. Where he goes, who he relates with, she didn't even want to see any member of Dave's family in their home, she has not hidden his disdain for Dan from day 1 of their marriage, in fact, she once told me she hates everyone in computer village including Dan, her brother-in-law. She want to determine who Dave helps, what he donate to church, family and friends etc. Dave have vehemently resisted these attitudes of his wife. Clara told their senior pastor last week that she didn't know her husband's investments and worth and that he spends money without carrying her along as his wife. She also accused him of having extramarital affairs with one of his workers named Juliet whom they both knew in their church before Dave employed her as a warehouse manager. Dave denied the allegation, their pastor who was instrumental to Juliet's employment had to wade in before Clara would agree and calm down. Clara's mum is another big issue in their relationship. She was the one who taught her daughter never to assist Dave with her money when things weren't going on well with him. She often narrates the nasty experience she went through in the hand of Clara's dad to her according to Dave. The old woman told everybody who cared to listen including myself in the presence of some pastors from their church last week that Clara made Dave and that he was a pauper when he married her daughter in 2009. She said all men are the same, that men will always deviate after "their wives" have struggled to help them rise. She even said she told Clara not to marry Dave because of his background, she said poor boys cannot be trusted, that they'll always misbehave when they become comfortable. I heard all manner of things from the woman that day, too bad! That woman is very difficult as I can observe and Clara didn't do anything to call her mum to order even in the presence of her pastors and myself. Clara even told everyone in their house that day that I know how she took Dave out of the dungeon of poverty and made him a real man, a statement that looked more like someone narrating a dream to me, I had to be reticent though, thank God the people there, their pastor and his wife knew about almost everything from the beginning. Dave and Clara has two boys who are now 9 and 7 year old respectively. Hello, nairalanders, why are some women so complicated like this? When Dave was poor, it was problem everyday, now that things are picking up for him, its wahala. Dave now stays more at work than at home against his wish. He goes to work on Saturdays instead of resting at home. Sometimes, he'll go with his boys whom he love to be with so much. The business has helped him to explore opportunities abroad especially in China, Singapore, Indonesia and some European countries where Sade's dad had business alliances. Dave told me he is always in the haven of peace anytime he is abroad. Clara that we used to know as a gentle and easy going beautiful lady of our university days have become a thorn in the flesh of my good, quiet and easygoing friend Dave. This thing called marriage, na wa o. Can you please drop any matured advise for Dave dear friends? Thank you so much.


#concluded!

Bros, are you Dave or Dan?

Unfortunately, Clara had an image of marriage she did not unlearn before entering into hers.

She needs proper counselling (not Church) so they can dig into her foundation, make corrections and build her up again.

Until that happens, there will be no peace in the marriage.

She doesn't have a behavioral defect; she has a structural defect.

I think both of them should shut off every relatives from their lives from mother-in-law to Daniel. Furthermore, they should communicate more to each other because they have big trust issues

Dave should take Clara with him to one of his international tours. Pamper her and have an alone time with just her. This should calm her to listen to him genuinely and possibly for her to speak her mind too. All in all, ask the Lord in prayer then get to making your marriage work!!!

Asetime:
Dave should take Clara with him to one of his international tours. Pamper her and have an alone time with just her. This should calm her to listen to him genuinely and possibly for her to speak her mind too. All in all, ask the Lord in prayer then get to making your marriage work!!!

Bless your beautiful soul. I'm working on this already. Somewhere away from all of us especially Clara's mum.

made up story though........let me just help you ...when people ignore small signs when they date. this is what happens....clara didnt change overnight.. dave was just too blind too notice.. he should carry his cross...as I don't advocate divorce. he should manage it

babyfaceafrica:
made up story though........

it may be made up but worse than these are happening in some families, they may not come out to say it.

joa2013:

it may be made up but worse than these are happening in some families, they may not come out to say it.

maybe..but the story is fake sha

babyfaceafrica:
made up story though........let me just help you ...when people ignore small signs when they date. this is what happens....clara didnt change overnight.. dave was just too blind too notice.. he should carry his cross...as I don't advocate divorce. he should manage it

u have said it all no heart to heart talk go change am ignoring redflags at ur own peril